Isle of Skye

Okay, I guess my blog isn't pornographic any more to the library. Spoke to Ali on Skype last night... he said the first thing he did was do a Google search for Artemis Persephone! Can you believe it? Said it came up as warrior princess.... And there's no romantic feelings for him here... I can't see myself marrying him :) He calls himself stubborn, has a temper... same as me.... bloody Elementals we are! LOL :) I asked him about the fact he's 37 and not married... he said three girls, all liked him, they wanted to marry him and the moment their families saw him with his crutches... game over. They all said how dare you consider a guy who is "disabled"... and we don't want you to become his carer. Boy, the hurt he felt in his heart hit my heart hard..... One girl's family stopped speaking to her and said they would disown her... just over the crutches and the weakness in is legs.... cerebral palsy... in the healing book, they gave a specific r...

Tazeen Mohsin i thought you said you were over irish! 3 hours ago Sukaina Juma I did say I was over him. I am over him. Why are you asking a redundant question?  3 hours ago 2 hours ago Tazeen Mohsin the fact you mentioned him on your blog baby.. do a little soul searching.. you seem to be covering a hurt from you even  33 minutes ago Sukaina Juma I suppose I could have mentioned you in my blog... right? You are so vibrant! I will edit it and add your loveliness to my post  I am over him. My ego is not happy that... well, he's functioning at a higher level than I am, just as was the case when we first met. I still like playing in the mud, he's gone and grabbed so many more stars for himself. He lost/quit his job last year, still managed to go to Morocco, and looked for and found a new job last month... then got married the same month. A new job, a new love, a new life... a new shizzle iPad2... lol. The little kid in me is feeling like "it's no fai...

The last time I wrote that in my blog, it was late August 2010 and Imran messaged me on SimplyShia on the Monday :P Am I hoping for an encore? I wrote this a week or so later... http://skyejacques.blogspot.com/2010/09/hello-you.html It's quite cute, actually. I had to do a process to forgive my 26 year old self. Still have unforgiveness towards her.   ***** I feel like giving up all over again. Just skiving from work and living in a dream world. Things like the Internal Revenue charging me 20% tax on a small amount of money I earned. Things like Sidra's netbook crashing, the old PC downstairs dying, having to use the father's PC again and now having to spend money on a laptop instead of keeping it for my trip to Toronto. And then laptops remind me of Imran "Why don't you woman up and meet the man behind the laptop?" He doesn't have money issues. I wasn't sure how much he earns, but Sidra said he earns a lot. Obviously: e-commerc...

I am so in love with this cheesy love song, it's SAD! His voice is really beautiful, though: like satin :) Although, Ali Khan needs to change the lyrics to Koi Dhung Ka Aye Na. Kazam (stalker boy from SimplyShia website) added me on Skype again last night. I spoke to him without adding him and he said he's been missing me blah blah. How I wish I could tell him he's only attracted to my high vibration and not to me - he obviously is in need of healing. Because honestyl folks, there are women a lot hotter and thinner and willing to get married to him than I am, so why can't he fantasize about them? I actually went as far as telling him that I'm changing my religion. And then, this silly boy added me on Fb and he's odd. And skanky. No judgements, but I'd rather not have a guy on my list who comments Yummy Mummy on women on his list who put provocative photos up and has not a single photo on his facebook profile and doesn't even say why he's ad...

One can hope. And one can once again ask Allah: please stop bringing stupid-head people and situations in my life. I hate their judgement, their empty words and their assumptions about me. Why are they being so blind? Do I really treat other people like that? Of course. And I am sorry. I don't know why I still do it. I'm trying so very, very hard. So hard, I am. So hard. And I can tell, because I am getting annoyed by my own self once again, that I must really be stepping on the toes of other people. I don't want to do that. I only reach out because I see it as connecting. And behaving opposite to my regular behaviour patterns of hiding away like a hurt turtle. And I'm so lonely and I need more real-life people in my life. Sane people. feather dusters. I'm so tired of all the people who are lessons and lessons and lessons..... why are there no enjoyable lessons? I may have angels and spirit guides around me, but can I see them? Can I sense th...

Dear Adele, May you be blessed with inspiration, creativity, music, that voice... and may I be able to tap into all of those talents and make them my own. If you can do it, I can bloody well do it in my own way as well. Thanks and best of luck x I have been playing this song constantly today. My only anchor. A great way to channel my unbridled passions, anger, frustration, yearnings, frustration and exasperation and general fed upness with people and life. And I'm trying to get rid of the last lingering thoughts of him - why on earth won't they DIE already? 11 months after the catastrophic day he messaged me on 23rd August and still... Gabriele started "liking" my cat display pics and... it reminded me of when Imran would click "Like" to things I posted, my status, my photos. Which I then deleted and reposted again, so I didn't have a trace of him left. He frigging annoyed me so much I only went and did all that crazy stuff. And after all o...

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXzmTeWJLOJnL4aav0XDTNtj5VdbG6kuSoQpqKaFaTdAMz2KWzRxLkRW3hCpWmaPf0chgFWFDkZKdsvLAyWnrMK-_s0f6lUlVf6eaTRDq0KXRQsYjb8MrL5VkI594I4wRhGiEKMzRgS78/s400/youdon%2527tknowme..jpg Can everybody in the entire multiverse take a minute to understand what I mean when I say or do something? The true authentic energy is behind all my emails and words. Stop misunderstanding me and assuming things about me. And projecting onto me. And doing it so regularly that it truly makes me wonder why on Earth we bother with one another. I mean, one of my closest friends misunderstands me on such a regular basis, I truly, truly, truly wonder... why would I attract these misunderstandings? Why? Why does she still see me as weak, stupid, childish, naive and blind and ignorant? Why does she assume things about me? Why does she honestly still believe I am that same shit-head I was all those years I couldn't get out of the overwhelm of all those...

I'm writing here to shift all that has gotten triggered within me since this morning. How I wish I could open up the locks that are on the doors to my true life, the core of my being and doing. How I wish I could act wisely and with full awareness and mindfulness all the time. And I have to accept and embrace my humanness. How easy it is to feel so good and capable of helping others to transform their lives and then to trip over the same stumbling block of spiritual arrogance. I, once again, fell back into that old, ragged pattern of trying to impose healing on others according to how well certain methods have worked for me. And look at how easily I feel good one day and so I ignore the fact that it's always me who needs the healing the most, and that I am always going to be the only one who is willing to receive all the healing I can get through the ways I have learned are working for me now. They don't work for everyone. So, why would I insist? Who cares if...

It's been building up. And today, there is a massive lump, an energetic stone in my throat. Could be unshed tears (I haven't cried in three weeks and am very pleased about that). Could be the fact there is stuff that needs to be said, but I can't for the life of me figure out a) what it is b) how to say it c) who it is I am to say it to. My tongue and my typing hands have gotten me into a lot of, a lot, A LOT of trouble. There have been many things said and many thing written that make me cringe, that make me shudder, that make me DETEST myself for being so pathetic, for attempting to manipulate people because they won't do things willingly, that they can't see. Or that I think I need them when I never really did. I made them into my idols. I am not going to make the same mistakes. So, I am going to be "patient" and suck it up and, if possible, try to deal with the emotions in the new way I've been taught. My ego is bursting forth again,...

Unfinished conversations,                  half-baked plans. A present given with so much thought and love that I could almost cry; had I any tears left. A year on and the promise that I thought I had made to life                 has petered out; it barely smoulders. Such are the vicious repetitive cycles of the life I choose for myself,                 unforgiving, mundane, a continuously dumping on myself, such is the blank Love is so much harder to come by,                and once again, the unspoken questions stain my lips Is this it? Is this all? How is it that the things that people hold dear, I feel nothing for? Surely I didn't sign up for this lack of feeling, f...

Affirmation This year I will be the person I want to be.  I will make a difference in this world by my positive attitude.  I will be committed to my own self and my own self and spiritual development.  I will honour my word and speak my truth. My Sacred Energy “There are no extra pieces in the universe. Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle.”  ~ Deepak Chopra Even pupae need love and friendship and a kind word. That is all I have to say.  Our relationship is not as equals at all.  Not like yours with her.  I know it's my own thoughts and feelings in the way. I'm the one making myself feel like this. Even pupae need love and friendship and a kind word. In the meantime, I guess I'll have to make do with feeling envious, jealous, and becoming a perfectly formed, but bitter, chrysalis-butterfly. With only four people who love her. Two of whom I know and appreciate. And ...

I feel as though I should write a post. So here it is. Weekend was sleepy. Most of the week was sleepy. I've been kicked off welfare. I can contest the decision, but that would mean more stress. Oh, I don't know. When I read my numerology report, it makes me wish all of the good things would actually happen on the days it says they will happen. Especially when they say that romance and love are strong, someone admires you, you will meet someone new and important, good for career and work, misunderstandings are cleared up. I'd say it's about 17% accurate. Which is pretty crappy. I love my friends, by the way. All of them. The ones who call me and say "I don't want it to be a week without having either spoken to you or emailed you." My God. That touched the bottom of my heart, tickled it and sent ripples of love and joy throughout my entire being. Then, yesterday, Umair was online, so we were sending emails back and forth. About random stuff. And Arm...

On a high yesterday, crashing today. I hate colds. They suck the living out of a person. I shall set my intentions for this week. "I am willing to let go. I release others to experience whatever is meaningful to them, and I am free to create that which is meaningful to me." Ignore and forget about Facebook until the 23rd of January 2010 i.e. 8 days from today. I can do it! Take that one course I will take. Yoga and meditation daily (starts tonight) Moon meditation at the full moon - this Wednesday. Will freeze my ass off, but must be done. Buy papers for my mandalas. Dance and sing daily. Walk daily. Eat raw as much as possible. Let go of chocolates and biscuits and crisps. Love celery and carrots! And eat less than I crave. Distract myself each time I think about Irish and his psycho girlfriend. Pray to Allah for forgetfulness and indifference. I have to be honest to at least myself: I'm romanticising everything, even after reading He's Just Not T...

Your Type Four EnneaThought for December 23rd Make this Affirmation today: "I now affirm that I am free of the damage of my past." Everything to do with the fucked up man-boy is now officially and permanently in the past . Exactly 4 months since he first sneakily charmed his way into my life. I set myself free from all attachments in this life and all previous and future lives. Thou art a toxic boy and thou ruineth my self-esteem. Thou art not good for me. Addiction, obsession, passive-aggressiveness and violence and anger: not good in a relationship. Up and down from the get go. Rukhsana sent you a message. Rukhsana Ahad 21 December 2010 at 22:18 can u please leave imran alone and find a new person in ur life otherwise please get back with him your choice....thanx Rukhsana sent you a message. Rukhsana Ahad 21 December 2010 at 22:19 why are u prank calling him? Me prank call you? HA! Khush fehmiyan, chhote bachhe. You should be so lucky. How utterly f...