Isle of Skye

Just sending energy healing isn't enough in this world. Although, technically, all communications of mine are meant to have healing and love within them, even the really obnoxious ones. Deluded, I am. Even though the dating books tell me to ignore them this is different. This is an Imran doppelganger karmic connection that needs to be balanced IMMEDIATELY. Don't care what the transits are or the Mercury Retrograde. I am protected. And I am truly sorry... Thursday, 10:33 am Salaam Ihsan, I trust that you are keeping well :) I understand that my previous email might have been slightly insensitive and naive rather than honest and witty. When people tell me they appreciate my honesty, I still am fool enough to believe them! And I perhaps go overboard. And so you've chosen not to respond. Which is fine :) Since I've realised it, I'd just like to apologise for anything I have said that came across as mean, insensitive or rude. Or crass. I realise that I...

It's a beautiful song, Tazeen tagged me, it's more her kind of song, I don't usually go for these songs...it's lovely though.... and... I can no longer relate to any of these heartbreak songs... which is refreshing. And liberating. A few minutes later... Well, I thought so, until I just did a few yoga poses to start my exercise routine and remembered Imran and started crying. Sigh. What is it with me being so EMO? Then I went to his Facebook profile and just kept saying I'm sorry for being so nasty to him. Gosh... my more aware question is show me how I can completely forgive myself for doing that, please. Spoke to Sidra: she said I was coming across as intimidated, which was accurate. Said that I'm using all the healing stuff as an excuse to not start living my life. She even said that her client, a 16 year old girl, asked how I was because she picked up from my email that I was sad... Jesus, even her clients are more gifted, open and aware than I am !...

How long before I forget you, I truly let you go? I don't know what to do. Show me Allah, make me really GET what lessons and what I need to do or become or let go of or embrace so that he no longer haunts me... he is haunting me in my thoughts and in my new relationships.... I am so scared of letting any man get close to me... what intimacy I shared with you Imran - I am so scared of repeating the pattern I started with you, with Umair actually and then I ripped myself to shreds on your thorny cold shoulders... I made beautiful poetry through the pain, but only once my mangled heart deigned to heal. My vocabulary is now permanently dyed with your sweet, caressing words, your harsh, spurious blurbs... little one, enjoy, enjoy spending time with you, domi, that smile is making a permanent mark - when was the last time I smiled? I smile - and I also smile when I think of the things this love for you opened up in me... so what do I do? Sometimes you come across as so wei...

http://johnsmyth.ie/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/beech-tree-1.jpg?w=840 Sacrosanct I sit under this loyal tree o' mine, Gazing at the azure sky that beams at me with benefaction. Today I focus on the ladybug who decided my heart was soft and open enough to be trusted. She ventures her tiny feet upon my calloused fingers. One full moon ago here I lay, nursing the hurt I felt as a result of a letter written to me in ire by a rejected suitor. The hurt was more because I had to decline his interest, than it was to do with those harsh words of little consequence. Sitting here, my bare feet on the grass, I thought of the boy who wrote one hysterically funny note, and then chose not to respond to my witty repartee. This young laddie from the Midlands encouraged me to release and transmute into your roots, the layers of bitterness and resentment for all they've ever said or done. And many full moons afore, I found myself here, in the cold and...

I read in Venus and Mars on a Date or in Why Venus and Mars collide that when in a relationship, be willing to run a marathon, not just go for a short sprint. That means slow and steady wins the race - or something like that. Wish Imran had been open to doing that - *sigh* New guy, funny guy, from Birmingham. I had visited his profile last week and laughed a lot and had even spoken about his profile for 5 minutes to Sarah last week. She told me to contact him. I told her I don't want to move to from London, he's Khoja and he wants chidlren, lives with his family, mentioned his parents in his profile and is younger than I am (he's actually 27 - must be a funky head day) Good news is that he saw I had looked at his profile and has the £40 membership and messaged me on Saturday :) (Jesus - what the hell? Why am I not talking about God or work? Boys, boys, boys - argh!!!) I changed my profile on Friday night/Saturday morning in one of my moods of panic and frustration...

From: Sukaina Juma [mailto:sukaina@ymail.com] Sent: 07 September 2011 22:33 To: Imran Lakha (ilakha) Subject: Hey Imran, old buddy, old pal,   Are you stalking me on SimplyShia? My profile ain't that interesting :)   How are you? :)   Oh, and just in case you still have those MP3s of Dua e Kumayl and Dua e Iftitah by Abathar I sent you back in the day, can you send them to me? I deleted all the emails and forgot to save the MP3 files before doing so - doh! then my computer crashed so I lost them from my hard disk :(   Belated Eid Mubarak :)   Sukaina Thursday, 8 September 2011, 11:30 Salaam Sukaina,   Thanks for reaching out… I’m doing well by the Grace of God. You?  If you’re referring to my visit to your profile then yes I did… you seem softer and more open than before, which is always good. Unfortunately I had my laptop re-imaged and lost a great deal of information, including my emails. Apologies.  Lastly Eid ...

manu1001 is stalking me :P HMPH! I ain't emailing him :P Although I am tempted to, but he isn't going to react the way I imagine in my head - I think he may have changed his profile for my benefit again - I shall check And the guy I liked (Faith and Peace) and sent a salaam to yesterday, he looked my profile and didn't message me - meh - I guess I'm too kooky for him Oh w ell - w hatever Men suck! MUHAHAHA! I'm out of all of their leagues :P And Vasheen from Mauritius - I'm not sure ho w long before he realises that it's not going any where - soon I hope - because I ain't saying no And Kazam has stopped stalking me - bechara - thank God - IA he'll get the best woman for him - it just ain't me manu1001 27 Ja'fari/Ithna'asheri Middlesex,GB My friends would describe me as Easygoing, Enthusiastic, Intelligent, Reflective, Spontaneous Where are all the real Muslim Women, who understand the meaning of Hijab??? I graduated in...