Isle of Skye

Your Type Four EnneaThought for January 13th— Reflect on your childhood today. As a child, did you believe you were not like your parents? Did you feel that you were not "seen" by your parents and that you did not connect sufficiently with your parents? As an adult, what does this have to do with you now? (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 182) As I've said myriad times before, these things just slap me in the face with a wet fish most days. I suppose it makes sense that I should send Reiki healing to my relationships with my father and my mother. Haven't really done that for ages. It's too hard sometimes, I choose to ignore and avoid dealing with them mainly because these are the two people I've been connected with since birth. A lot of effort is required in order to 'let things slide'. Living with my dad is hell, and I'm co-creating it on purpose, as part of my desire to annoy, to hurt him the way he hurts me. My mum, well, I guess we'...

I've been trawling through my emails for signs, for indicators, for signs, for help, for signs... yes, a lot of signs. I believe in them. They haven't been smacking me in the head lately. Or, rather, they have been, but until yesterday, I was accidentally on purpose doing my best to avoid reality. I wanted things to work out so badly with Irish. Why? He's sweet, he's nice, he's steady, he's Shia ... long list. And, yes, he's Khoja. That was very comforting. Speaking about Mombasa and Hujjat and Hyderi mosques. And having a system for Lakha families 1, 2 and 3 and Juma families 1, 2 and 3. Comforting, like eating mogo and kuku paka and pilao. I called him a Jekyll/Hyde person. The first time was when he stopped emailing or replying to my texts. Since then, I've called him that to my friends, and in the delusional "love letter" I sent to him two weeks ago (time goes fast even when you're in limbo). Apa says he's my dad. I...