Isle of Skye

"Don't be afraid of going slowly; be afraid of standing still." Anonymous Of course I don't want to jinx anything. But confessing what is true can't do that. It's a good thing; it means progress. In fact, it's more than good, it's fantastic - see, I am even risking enthusiasm. I haven't felt 'downhearted' for three whole days. I mean, sure, my activity levels are still pretty low, and I cried my eyes yesterday because of that really stupid git of a shrink - okay, and PMT was another culprit. However, yesterday, when I was telling him my 'symptoms', there didn't seem to be so many - not as many as there used to be. Well, his bedside manner was pretty crap, but not as bad as the lady shrink I went to three weeks ago. I actually wanted to go to the mosque yesterday for the milad, and convinced Mum to go with me and I had fun . It was the best milad I have ever been to - why? First of all, since it was both ladies and gents, there ...

On Marriage Khalil Gibran Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, Master?" And he answered saying: You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, An...

If you begin to realise that you have been ungrateful in the past, that indicates that you are now seeing stuff and appreciating it more, right? Someone - and you know who - emailed me complaining about how difficult it will be for him to move back home because that means he will, once again, have to share a bedroom with his brother. Not really traumatic, but highly irritating and once again, not sharing a room is a perk of being an only child. I am beginning to get the picture that this guy is really different from the other people at school. He may even live in a flat, or if it's a house, it's a relatively small one (smaller than this one). Three kids to look after, and the mum's a 'domestic goddess'. He'd better find a job soon, and a good one, and one that he likes. So, now I am glad that my grandad had money to make this substantial house, even though some of the bathrooms are ridiculously small and the hallways slightly too large. I have an amazing garden ...

At least there's variety to my craziness... 1. DESIRED OBJECTIVES OR BEHAVIOR DICTATED BY DESIRED OBJECTIVES. Longs for sensitive and sympathetic understanding and wants to protect himself against argument, conflict or any exhausting stresses. 2. THE EXISTING SITUATION OR BEHAVIOR APPROPRIATE TO THE EXISTING SITUATION. Having difficulty in standing up to the demands imposed on him. Finds a great effort is involved and wishes to have the situation eased. 3. CHARACTERISTICS UNDER RESTRAINT OR BEHAVIOR INAPPROPRIATE TO THE EXISTING SITUATION. Feels that things stand in his way, that circumstances are forcing him to compromise and forgo some pleasures for the time being.Wants to broaden his fields of activity and insists that his hopes and ideas are realistic. Distressed by the fear that he may be prevented from doing what he wants; needs both peaceful conditions and quiet reassurance to restore his confidence. 4. REJECTED OR SUPPRESSED CHARACTERISTICS OR ANXIETY-LADEN CHARACTERISTI...

This is going to be another free-writing exercise. I had a desire to join Yoga and Fine Arts classes at the community centre that's 10 minutes away. But if I don't have the desire/will to go and get the registration form, and Masooma won't do it for me, then there's no way this is a reasonable desire. Shame - maybe in June? I don't want to see the shrink, I don't want to take my citalopram . All I do is eat and sleep and watch TV. I am once more a fan of the Powerpuff Girls - I don't know why I stopped watching it - but I think the series ended quite some years ago, so they are probably all repeats. Krypto the Superdog is cool too. And Tom and Jerry, as always. And I watch a lot of BBC Food. While the programmes are on, I feel like I want to start cooking. But I reach the kitchen, see the cookies and go ' Nyeh '. At least I'm having milk with them, right? Sometimes, three glasses. But too much dairy is bad too - loads of fat, since it's ...

Storms in England, storm in Karachi. Thunder. Clouds. Strong winds. Bomb blasts in Lahore and Islamabad, no longer just in Karachi. Lost any inspiration to write. I don't know why I continue to write to Umair. Makes no ruddy sense. I wanted to take more than one sleeping pill yesterday, so it's a good thing my mum was there and had an inkling (not that I have ever been able to hide my emotions, they like staying on my sleeve). I told her to hide them and to keep giving me one each night. Then she felt guilty and slept in my bed at night. So I told her, "Am I only bearable when I am unconscious?" No hugging or anything, mind you. Huge thunderclap. A mother of storms, which equals to flooding since we don't have any proper sewerage draining system. This also means the phone lines and the Internet will be disconnected for a few days. Oh, joy. And probably the electricity and the television cable. Well, at least I have a few Shakespeare plays and some ruddy romance no...

... in the Big Brother house. After yet another eventful day, Sukaina is in the Diary Room. "Hello, Big Brother. I don't know how much longer I can take this. It's not really the fact that I am still in the house, after my many tries to get voted out. I think the British public is getting its kicks by making sure I remain here for as long as is humanly possible." She starts to cry. "It's not really the fact that I am in the house, with the crazy inmates that the Big Brother management saw fit to choose for me. It's the fact that all the issues that I have been struggling to deal with in the outside world are magnified while in I am in here. I have no escape. I can't phone a friend, I can't talk to someone and tell them what my heart feels, I get no feedback from the real world. If anyone even cares about my ordeals in the house, there is no way of my ever finding out. Not until I leave. I just hate it here. It's like the bloody Standford exper...

Does watching creative people and music and programmes on telly make you feel creative? Or am I so desperate to make meaning into my life and to 'get on with it' that I've superficially imbibed the creativity and energy of the Aag TV VJs and Indus News reporters, only to later crash and fizzle out without a sound, only to end up on the trash heap of wannabes-but-never-were-because-they-were-too-stupid-and-lazy-and-fucked-up? I had a dream-like epiphany this morning which made feel all author-like and wanting to write a novel about my depression, and then to make a film, all the while incorporating Jungian MBTI and enneagram types. And then I realised there is no way I can do that. This personality thing cannot be brought to the silver screen and explored and presented perfectly in just two hours, or even three. Well, maybe three. But it's not as though I am capable of writing a screenplay. And then I watched this programme on Indus News about the class system that is be...