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Stop it

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Can everybody in the entire multiverse take a minute to understand what I mean when I say or do something?

The true authentic energy is behind all my emails and words.

Stop misunderstanding me and assuming things about me. And projecting onto me. And doing it so regularly that it truly makes me wonder why on Earth we bother with one another.

I mean, one of my closest friends misunderstands me on such a regular basis, I truly, truly, truly wonder... why would I attract these misunderstandings? Why? Why does she still see me as weak, stupid, childish, naive and blind and ignorant? Why does she assume things about me? Why does she honestly still believe I am that same shit-head I was all those years I couldn't get out of the overwhelm of all those other people's thoughts, opinions and energies that I had allowed to overpower me and turn my mind and intellect and other-wisdom into mush? WHY?!?!?!

That was never me. NEVER.

And her assumptions are her own stuff. ARGH.

Then I get frustrated, I get angry. And I cry. Or turn that anger upon myself because I was so stupid to ever open up to my friends in the first place.

I am doing the same, trying to understand you all, to the best of my ability. To step away from Self.

Fine, I was stupid enough to choose to be depressed for four years. I hate myself for doing it. Happy?

That was never me. That was stupid and redundant (especially when it hardly looks as though I'm going to ever become a counsellor or work in the mental health field).

I'm running away from it as fast as I can. Thump, thump, thump, thump.

I am also forgiving myself for being who I am, for doing the things I have done and do to myself and to others.

For acting upon automatic patterns and programming.

What else is there to do? I need to free myself from all of this crap.

So, stop misunderstanding me. I mean it.

I'm not going to communicate for a while. It's useless at this time.

I forgive myself for attracting such challenging people into my life.

I forgive myself for being so unaware of things that I keep slipping and tripping up.

Stop misunderstanding me. I no longer feel a thrill at being misunderstood, or at being a misanthrope.

I release the need for anybody's approval save for my self-approval, self-love and self-acceptance.

I release every single person from my life. I love myself too much to keep on doing things that don't work and that hurt.

Another thing: I am tired of using words, especially multi-syllabled words.

I'm going to stop talking now.

If you want me, you know where to find me.

P.S. Jenni, I am truly sorry for yesterday. I got triggered off because you hung up on me. I am so sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. I hope you're paid by the hour and not by results. Because then I cost you money in earning commission for market research. I am truly, truly sorry.
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