Isle of Skye

"I matter and so do you" This is from a Mind pamphlet on assertiveness. I like that phrase. First session with Dr. Khan I don't know what to make of her. She invaded my space a bit too much by being really friendly and maintaining an equal status between us. After all, I'm used to the almost disinterested, not-so-empathic way of counselling which I received at Glendon and in London. Not to say it didn't help, especially in London. I completely tensed up in her office, something I did not do with Anouska or with Dr. Sarwat. I think my instincts picked up that I've started something that may actually work this time. I've been angling for bonafide psychotherapy and now that it's within my grasp, whether it is the same old crap CBT or she trys it the Freudian way, it's damned scary. I'm going to have to rip off all the defense mechanisms like projection and repression and see myself for who I really am and what I am really doing. She's a neurob...

Jo bhi haddein thhi , saarey paar kardi mein ne . Jo teen maheene pehle soch bhi nahin kar saki , paar kardi . I am a regular free-loader, pill-popper, unsociable isolate. All my understanding about dysthymia was incomplete; thanks to my own stubbornness I am an entire year behind where I could have been. Maybe I didn't even have to leave London, if these bloody pills had worked in the first three months. I appreciate my GP doing what I was comfortable with, however I'm still a child and should have just let her do her thing. Questioning the pills - the whole world is on them. And why the fuck was I so scared of taking Prozac; because it made me suicidal? Wasn't that the whole point of my existence then? What a fucking disappointment I am, even as a depressive. Can't even do that right. And now I have no will to kill myself because it's going to be worse there than here. I mean, seriously, my entire year has been wasted in fruitless dreams. I don'...

It was yet another gorgeous day today. Sunny like anything. But I was "recuperating" from yesterday's hysteria. Got my period today. Atleast, well, at least I am not cursed like that. He really is the Most Generous and Stable. Not Vengeful when He knows we are stupid and wasting our own pitiful lives. Green Wing is ACE! Only, I wish they had developed Mac and Caroline's relationship a little more. Because it so fast-paced...I don't even remember when they didn't get along with one another. But then again, it's a sitcom, not something priceless like North and South. If only I could create something like that. All I do is write diary entries and swear. I have been swearing like anything these days. I think my PMS/PMT has worsened as a result of this stupid citalopram I am now forced to take for lack of an alternative. Can't be bothered to write anything else. Am a waste of space and a lazy blimp. Just wanted to add...Mac is kind. He really got angry when...