Isle of Skye

Madness. Mess. Meh . Men. Correction: male species. It takes a lot for me to call someone a man. The Prophet was a man, Imam Ali was a man, Imam Mahdi is a man, Agha Khoei was a man. Me not fulfilling my capabilities. My purpose. They are banging my head over and over with the signs and it's me who has to say to myself.. hello, knock knock, is it getting through? And I feel stuck... so release the feeling. You know now that these emotions and feelings aren't static. I went on the SimplyShia website out of fear. Sameera told me to start looking now because of her own sad experiences. So, stupid Suki did. Now if that's not tempting fate, I haven't a clue what is. Oh, btw , Irish's (that's how he will be for me forever now, I'd call him Arrogant, Weird-Ass Prick, but Irish is a nicer touch, so much more genteel) cousin died on Eid ul Adha , 18 th November 2010, Thursday night. 26 year old dies of a heart attack. Unfathomable. So he emailed me about it y...

Today, explore the issue of boundaries. As a Four, are you so self-absorbed that you assume everyone is interested in your feelings and inner world? Can you refrain from talking about yourself so much—especially when it is not appropriate? Man, if anything was more geared towards my current frame of mind, it would be on a cactus rammed up my arse! I keep messing things up, don't I? Thank GOD for Sidra and Tazeen. You guys were God's way of saving my ass. From being the impulsive little weirdo that I am. I was totally nasha -o- fied . Insanity. Love is insanity. And it wasn't even love. Because, would I be getting over it so quickly? (Well, sort of.) It was desperation. Fear of abandonment kicked up like a little mule's legs. Or I was playing the part of an abused, feral kitten who wanted to love and be loved so badly, from the core of my entire being, but scratched and hissed and attacked Imran because he was a male who reminded me of the past pain. His being...

OK, the lady at the library - I'm going to get her name somehow, she ought to be sacked. TWAT. I will not let her treat me like the way she just did and get away with it again., She did it to me three years ago, she is NOT doing it to me again today. Fucking retard. Stop wearing that bloody corset and those fucking high heels and maybe you'll gain some humanity. Tarzan keeps asking me how I feel in my body. Right now, I feel a burning pain. In my neck, waves and waves of burning pain. And whenever I've written him the texts or the emails "letting him go", my left arm starts with the mercury type of feeling sweeping inside. I feel rotten for treating him like I have treated him. Poke, poke, poke. Punch, punch, punch. And all I want is to merge. But is he just convenient? I don't know if I like HIM for being HIM. It's an IMAGE, Sukaina , an IMAGE. A projection. Argh . I cannot let myself do that because I feel that I know it's too good to be true, that I...

Even if this is all bollocks, I've always gained wise insights from reading them. Smart people, these Taoists :) The good news is I've done my ironing and will study and go for a run and stuff today iA. Now if I could just find my pink pen to write Taz's birthday card. And my organiser so I can organise my week. Argh. Was fun being on the Time to Change website yesterday and contributing my experiences and wisdom to people :) Peace and healing to All and One xx Today's I Ching for Sukaina Juma The present is embodied in Hexagram 44 - Kou (Coming to Meet) : We see a female who is bold and strong. It will not be good to marry such a female. The second line, undivided, shows its subject with a wallet of fish. There will be no error. But it will not be well to let the subject of the first line go forward to the guests. The fourth line, undivided, shows its subject with his wallet, but no fish in it. This will give rise to evil. The situation is shifting,...

21 August 2009 Email topic: I was singing today just before breakfast From: Ibrahim Juma ... View Contact To: Sukaina Juma Dear Suki I woke at about 8.45AM .The alarm was ringing . It was set at 8.30AM. I was tired. I worked hard the last four days. I had Auditors IN this week. Any way the song. In Swahili: " SUKI MTOTO WANGU NAKU PENDA SANA" Translated as follows: " SUKI MY CHILD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH " I kept on singing with tune and without any effort or pre-thinking. The words just poured out of me.

The Emotional Alchemy book said it was good, the body releases that which needs to be released. I felt empty and unlovable for a bit, then the waterworks transformed into a soothing balm for the heart. I couldn't sleep, for the most obvious of reasons, even after listening to an hour of Darren Hayes, Keane and Atif Aslam . That's also partly because I shot down 60g of plain dark chocolate in one go yesterday while going through the emotional release. So, I went to the kitchen to make some chamomile and then I noticed how clear the sky was after the rain. So, I opened the back door and went into the garden and.... If any of you have a chance, meditate at 2:30 in the black night on the little grid of stars that He has put there for us. Add the cooling wind for a calming sound effect. And I looked, and I gazed, and I regarded. And I contemplated. And, slowly, calm and trust and acceptance came into the heart. Once again, the stars and the winds and the velvet sky whisper...