Isle of Skye

I've been working on that damned Rubik's cube for two weeks now (okay, well more or less an hour in total of that two weeks) and nothing. Apparently the world record for solving one of those tarts is 10 seconds. I wouldn't mind spending 10 minutes, as long as I knew I was getting somewhere. Stupid INFPishness. And Umair finally wrote today and it was a letdown. As in, I really didn't give a CRAP. Stupid INFPish behaviour again. So, Mahira Hafeez Khan is now going to turn up on Aag TV, Imad Ansari is on PTV, Zohaib Zuby is married and everyone else is either studying, working or doing both. The stupid Pakistani government finally succeeded - they've taken my lovely Youtube off. As if I frigging give a damn about movie trailers or cartoons. Is this a frigging democracy? No. I need to get back to a a sane environment. I've got a frigging cold, I've just been eating bread and biscuits for the past four days because I can't be bothered to make any food myself...

I don't even know why I am bothering to write today. Lack of anything better to do, perhaps. Well, I saw this show on AAG TV yesterday and it profiled the homeless people in Karachi and, of course, I felt like a shit for being who I am and that we just silently witness the injustices and all that. But I didn't feel devastated as I once used to be. My feelings of empathy have truly disappeared. Things which used to really affect me no longer do. I am so self-absorbed that all I can think of is 'I could give a rat's ass about you/that.' It's really as simple as that. Not that I felt that when I saw all those homeless beggars. One poor guy was from Multan and was a mechanic until he fell off a train and his legs got cut off on the train tracks. And now he is begging. Christ. But all I think about is myself and how things affect me. This is terrible. And then I start reading that volume of short stories by Pakistani women entitled, 'And then the world changed...

I am so freaking depressed. And now I think it's just me making myself depressed. Removing myself from London has only shown me that I can't use my father's Bad Cop tactics as an excuse. The husband search is going nowhere and I am giving up. I ain't ever getting married anyway, so why pretend? I have all this time to read and to write and I just can't be bothered. The weather's become nasty now, with extreme dryness and dust clouds everywhere. I don't feel like going out anywhere. But I don't miss London, like I used to do when I came back from my holidays. I don't feel as though my birthright has been snatched away from me. London is nice and all, but what's the point if you can't enjoy it and exploit it for all it's worth? I only did things in the last week I was there. The best thing was Sheikh Arif. I am so glad I got to see him. Maybe I should listen to more of his lectures. He grounds me. Anyway, Travis. I am majorly pissed off at ...

I've become so blasé and down that I can't even be bothered to write on this blog. Not that there's anything to write about. All I've been doing is sleeping (a lot), eating (surprisingly little) and watching the films on TV that I never got to see in Toronto or in London. Munich was hell good. That's basically it. Pretty much the same life as London, come to think of it. Except the food was better and there was orange juice and I could wear my snazzy winter jacket. But the ducks had gone. And the temperature's in the minuses this week too. So, I would have just stayed at home, eating Sainsbury's chocolate chip cookies and watching yet another episode of The Sooty Show, Mock the Week or Green Wing. Or Never Better...which I can't watch here....bugger and chips (I quite like that phrase, actually! I wonder if it solely my invention or another one of those stupid conscience collective moments). I miss talking to Fati so much. Stupid internet doesn't re...

Who am I? Am I someone who is unnecessarily alienating everyone in my social circle, beginning with my family? My mum can't stand my voicing an opinion and retreats to yelling and screaming to get me to shut up. My aunt says things which I tend to take the wrong way, such as, " When you go to London, you're going to take all the magnets with you?" I doubt that it was a slip-of-the-tongue, though. And then when I tell my mum that I need to get married because it's become compulsory on me, she said, "Well, you had your chance and you said no"...meaning that little thingy with the Syed last year. So I told her, "I'd be divorced by now." She said "No, Syeds never divorce." So I said, "What, so it's alright for me lead a shitty life in a defunct marriage? My life would be horrible." She then has the frigging gall to say, "No, you'd make his life miserable." Seriously, with family like this, is it any fucki...

Okay, so even though my mum has clarified twice that this statement was made five years ago and it was just a random suggestion to Zuli, it still pisses me off. Are you planning on getting married to a girl or her father? Basically, apparently his grandma suggested 5 years ago that he think about getting married to me and he said, "Ibrahim Uncle is a very difficult person and if I got married to Sukaina, he would make my life hell..." Okay, mate. Whatever. You're the one who has a psycho ex-girlfriend still stalking you. Anyway, I don't think his family knew about the girlfriend situation at the time, which is why he said something as retarded as that. But it's made me wonder if my inheritance from my parents is their ignominy or notoriety. Fucking hell, if that's the case then it's a full circle - that not only do I not want to get married to a Khoja person, but that no Khoja guy would want to get married to me. Everyone in London (at least at Hyderi Isl...

Well, life's better than expected. I can actually access my blog from here in the normal fashion. SCORE! Already have been given the third degree by my family and it sucks. Sigh. Don't want to get into it because I am still jet-lagged and I am sure it's not worth re-hashing. I just wrote this to a friend on MSN regarding my level of horniness : and I am just about to get my period so if someone spat on me i'd think it was secret code for "let's exchange more bodily fluids"....ROAR! XD When I am on a roll, I am on a roll! Just can't be bothered to write much right now. Kind of pissed off because my aunt just got upset with me for using her lap top. I asked her permission and I assumed she said yes. Later on she asks me, "Why are you using both computers?" I said, "I'm sorry, but I did ask your permission." She said, "I didn't say yes." I forgot how bloody possessive she is. She wouldn't even let me have my ...

1. DESIRED OBJECTIVES OR BEHAVIOR DICTATED BY DESIRED OBJECTIVES. Unwilling to participate and wishes to avoid all forms of stimulation. Has had to put up with too much of a tiring or exhausting nature and now desires protection and non involvement 2. THE EXISTING SITUATION OR BEHAVIOR APPROPRIATE TO THE EXISTING SITUATION. Avoids excessive effort and needs roots, security and peaceful companionship. 3. CHARACTERISTICS UNDER RESTRAINT OR BEHAVIOR INAPPROPRIATE TO THE EXISTING SITUATION. Insists that his goals are realistic and sticks obstinately to them, even though circumstances are forcing him to compromise. Very exacting in the standards he applies to his choice of a partner. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Sensitive and sentimental, but conceals this from all except those very close to him. 4. REJECTED OR SUPPRESSED CHARACTERISTICS OR ANXIETY-LADEN CHARACTERISTICS. Agitated helplessness and inability to control events are subjecting him to great stress. Possibilit...

I knew it wouldn't snow in London today. Or any day. And I am really, really glad it didn't. Instead, the sun is shining and the birds are chattering, just like yesterday. I've even done half of my suitcase, I'm feeling so fine. Some of my friends are telling me I am being unreasonable. I know I am. Why are you pointing out the obvious? To quote one (I tell you, it took a lot of self control not to delete it straight away): "Hopefully things remain stable for u here. But honestly saying she aint gonna change n if u still expect her to treat u like an adult without u taking responsibility then thats not justified. N i've seen no 1 is really happy with the way their families treat them but then v never consider how v treat our families..takes 2 to tango right...try finding a middle path to things. Its not impossible. Ure still lucky compared to the case studies v get..The 1 we heard today left me speechless... completely speechless... thats life. " Than...