Isle of Skye

All I know is I have to write and release. Write and release. Write and release. The day's gone in tiredness and at least doing some productive work. Right now, anxiety energies are in my heart. I crossed two cute Pakistani guys and, as usual, either couldn't or didn't meet their eye. I feel really, really ungrounded. Ground. Practise. How does one practise? WTH? And then I have to go home and be around the father. I saw tentacles. As though I am not letting go or it is not letting go of me. Thank goodness I got rid of the man-boy from my energy. Now there's a lump in my throat. I became sad on the first day because I can't see, I am short-sighted. And all my other health issues. And now I am sad because I don't know and I have manifested all of this. That if I am so powerful, do I not have it within me to really reach my grand potential? I know I asked for lots of grand things and a complete change. And then I asked for "or better....

http://images.pictureshunt.com/pics/p/peace_quote-2206.jpeg I started freaking out last night after watching the news about the rioting. Prayed salaat, and felt a little better after sending healing and du'a. Then again, this morning, felt scared to go out for my appointment with Mark the employment advisor dude. He had asked me to go in to Sutton. Also, just sad that people have lost their businesses and their homes... and now have read that a man died from the Croydon riots last night. And also, really sad to see that the people who are doing this are in nasha and in the dark - and that I am no better than they... because they are my shadow. Our society's shadow rising to the surface, so we can deal with it appropriately this time, one hopes. Olive sent a mass email this morning: she and Di had arranged for a special Change The world session in the evening for the UK. Felt such a sense of peace after reading it - peace, peace, peace... salaam! Yes, I can finally...

Thank you, Allah, for granting me such izzat and recognition. Please modify my thoughts, words, actions and feelings so that there is no need for me to have new humiliation ~ such as I have experienced in the past. Gosh ~ how I wish I could feel this purity and serenity and humility and wonder and awareness and wakefulness all of the time. Actually, I can if I make the strong intention to and ask You and the Light Ones for help and guidance. ~~~ Deity Deity by Sukaina Juma 27th April 2008 And as my Soul dug into the grass, hiding away from the joys of the world and burrowing itself deeply into the grains of mud; I could see the sky as the light faded. The blueness of sky, the whiteness of cloud, the pink of sun No tears trickled down these cheeks of mine I wasn't moved by the sight. But I was grateful that I did not have control over the entire universe. For He is able to create each day anew, while us hypocrites are left to play around with His original idea, ...

This deserves a separate post. Of course, there are no accidents. Everything comes at the right time. I was meant to see this photo now, after all that pleading. It made me chuckle :) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v452/jdcrow/AllahBear.jpg I'm not even bothering to find out anything about the motivations behind this bear. All I know is, Allah is in the house. And I am safe. And I am loved. And I am protected. And I am guided? Perhaps.

Just know, dear Allah, all that I have in my heart, I want you to answer. Soon. I know you will. But soon. I want some clarity tomorrow morning. I cling to You and Your rope... Honestly.... help me make sense of it all. Allow me access to the beauty of your wisdom, knowledge, gifts and abundance. Help me manifest it all. And please let me really be generous and stop being fearful and stingy about my gifts and knowledge. I still suffer from the illusion that by sharing it with others, I lose it, I become less special and powerful and blessed and gifted. x

I asked Him: You are as I like, make me as you like. It was spontaneous in emotion, well-versed in Arabic. And He told me before I had even finished "But you are as I like". Right now. In the past. Always. And then the beautiful verse recited itself to me in the most clear and enchanting voice, as verification: "And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the supplicant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way." This is His answer. It didn't come in the way is would approve of, but, now I think of it, they never have. I am not walking the right path the way they told me I should, or the only way it is possible, and that's possibly the best thing ever. I validate all my experiences. I love them. I bless them. How else can I be whole, otherwise? Even now, this stifling blackness, blindness, inability to truly receive.... I bless ...