Isle of Skye

Okay, I guess my blog isn't pornographic any more to the library. Spoke to Ali on Skype last night... he said the first thing he did was do a Google search for Artemis Persephone! Can you believe it? Said it came up as warrior princess.... And there's no romantic feelings for him here... I can't see myself marrying him :) He calls himself stubborn, has a temper... same as me.... bloody Elementals we are! LOL :) I asked him about the fact he's 37 and not married... he said three girls, all liked him, they wanted to marry him and the moment their families saw him with his crutches... game over. They all said how dare you consider a guy who is "disabled"... and we don't want you to become his carer. Boy, the hurt he felt in his heart hit my heart hard..... One girl's family stopped speaking to her and said they would disown her... just over the crutches and the weakness in is legs.... cerebral palsy... in the healing book, they gave a specific r...

I read the message on Tuesday and I still don't know what to say in reply. Because I don't know what he means. Or how I FEEL. I am SCARED and SCARRED. And my intuition is in the crapper today. Allah, help me for the sake of your Chosen 5. It's Thursday, it's Eid e Mubahila etc etc. HELP ME!

Review, reflect and realise what a big twat you've been. Crawl under your rock again. You already broke your phone accidentally on purpose. Another synchronous event... Get off of FB :) You're acting like a TWAT! This is a role you need to drop like a leaf again.... Good stuff. Nobody cares about World Mental Health Day. You didn't last year....

... when anyone says that, it means it's going badly. It's all messy and you've obviously "screwed up". So, you know what's been happening this weekend. Well, little Suki is learning. I am trying to take this at a meta aware level. Looking at myself as one looks at children playing. Seeing the tantrums, the emotional ways I've acted. I kidnapped 15 books from Farhat Apa - this weekend was one of those weird, flowing ones. I just hope I was able able to spread healing and Reiki around, even though I was sleep-deprived. I finally called and spoke to him yesterday. He has such a gorgeous, typical, North London, Khoja voice. A really sexy voice... sigh, Sukaina, be-HAVE! ;) He told me he avoids conflict, which is just great for me. He told me my emails were a little exasperating. I said "You can't just say that and not elaborate" He said they are 2 page emails and he just has to read and read and read. But I wasn't my usual charming ...

Since the council decided to shut down the Wimbledon JobCentre - which was a stupid thing to do - we have to go to Sutton. I'm a little stingy, so I choose to walk every two weeks - it's 45 minutes each way. It would be lovely, you see nice houses and not too many people. I met a good looking policeman two weeks ago who smiled at me, so it's not all bad. If all else fails, there's always my MP3 player play list . But, for the past three times I've been there, I've had someone or other act like a prat and I know it's because I'm a visible Muslim woman and brown in skin colour. No other reason why people act like prats and look me up and down as though I was the weird one, I was the uncivilised brute. I mean, drinking, sleeping around, driving like maniacs and obsessing over football, that's progress, right? So let's count the instances: 1) walking back from Worcester Park, some random white prat leans out of the car and hurls abuse. Funny thing ...

This is going to be another free-writing exercise. I had a desire to join Yoga and Fine Arts classes at the community centre that's 10 minutes away. But if I don't have the desire/will to go and get the registration form, and Masooma won't do it for me, then there's no way this is a reasonable desire. Shame - maybe in June? I don't want to see the shrink, I don't want to take my citalopram . All I do is eat and sleep and watch TV. I am once more a fan of the Powerpuff Girls - I don't know why I stopped watching it - but I think the series ended quite some years ago, so they are probably all repeats. Krypto the Superdog is cool too. And Tom and Jerry, as always. And I watch a lot of BBC Food. While the programmes are on, I feel like I want to start cooking. But I reach the kitchen, see the cookies and go ' Nyeh '. At least I'm having milk with them, right? Sometimes, three glasses. But too much dairy is bad too - loads of fat, since it's ...

I've been working on that damned Rubik's cube for two weeks now (okay, well more or less an hour in total of that two weeks) and nothing. Apparently the world record for solving one of those tarts is 10 seconds. I wouldn't mind spending 10 minutes, as long as I knew I was getting somewhere. Stupid INFPishness. And Umair finally wrote today and it was a letdown. As in, I really didn't give a CRAP. Stupid INFPish behaviour again. So, Mahira Hafeez Khan is now going to turn up on Aag TV, Imad Ansari is on PTV, Zohaib Zuby is married and everyone else is either studying, working or doing both. The stupid Pakistani government finally succeeded - they've taken my lovely Youtube off. As if I frigging give a damn about movie trailers or cartoons. Is this a frigging democracy? No. I need to get back to a a sane environment. I've got a frigging cold, I've just been eating bread and biscuits for the past four days because I can't be bothered to make any food myself...