Isle of Skye

Away with the Fairies.... I'm writing because what else is there to do for someone like me? As usual, wasting yet another day in my life. Technically, I had intended to donate blood today. But, just like all the other times when blood donation came up, I've got a cold like thing, so my blood won't be helpful. Perfect. I keep waking late, at 8am - or even 9am I was looking up the synopsis of Rockstar - I didn't want to waste my time watching a movie that's crap. The songs are amazing. So the synopsis made me laugh. Sardonically.   Rockstar Movie Synopsis | Story of the Movie Rockstar 2011 The story follows Janardhan Jakhar (Ranbir Kapoor) an uncouth, social nobody in college in Delhi. A good-for-nothing, uncooperative son at home. And a struggling-musician-with-little-hope to his friends and acquaintances... But Janardhan wants to change all that. So when a well wisher discloses the secret behind all great success: that you have t...

I'm going to see if the poem comes out; if it doesn't that's okay My quest for recognition through the other blog has begun to leave a sour taste in my mouth Especially after yesterday's blog I guess I can take a break, if I'm meant to get a job or fame on that basis, there's enough on it for now - but it really wasn't a quest, not all of it, some of it just came out and had to be published *sigh* why do I sound like a freak when I say these things? I've lost it, yesterday I completely lost it and I really dislike that hysterical person, that shadow, the not in control childish, bothered by everything person - why? Because she is the reason why people run away - she is the shadow of who I was last year, she's the saddo who still remembers dates and then repeats them to dear yet abused friends on the phone (yes, Ash, you!) or writes them on the blog Do you wanna know today's date? The text he sent me saying he missed speaking to me and w...

And jack. I'm still procrastinating about the job applications. I'm still getting verbal diarrhoea (will I ever learn how to spell the damned word?!) It's hot and sunny in London - I find it absolutely GORGEOUS! I want to go for a run and I think I shall - hunt down Chuck, get some feline loving, so that I can get back and do those damned applications. Talk about self sabotage. Why? I still feel I lack sleep, still have that damned cold hounding me, been overeating like NUTS. Sidika Govani randomly called me last night and we nattered for an hour (the verbal floods came up there) - I ended up talking a lot :P She mentioned a man-boy in London looking for his life partner: 30 years old, Khoja :P and rich, apparently :P I just said, oh why not? I started telling her "oh tell him I don't want kids and that I don't have a job" and then I had to rephrase all those things after she told me, "hey that's something you talk to him about"...

What do you desire right now? Visualize it, and it will come about. Negativity will block your process. Francesca You have been asking the Universe and the angels, 'What is next for me?' Yet, we have been waiting for you to make that decision for yourself! That is why you have felt stuck lately. This impasse occurs because you are afraid of making a 'wrong' decision. We can help you to decide, but ultimately, the next chapter of your life is up to you. This is a period of your life that is unscripted. Your desires are like a painting that you create upon the canvas of your life. Like an artist, you must decide what the theme, background, and foreground will be within your picture. Take some time out to meditate, pray upon, and contemplate this important decision. Be creative, and maintain standards for yourself. But remember: If you don't make a decision, that's the same thing as deciding that everything shall remain the same. Schooling...

 Topic of message: To help heal this situation, see the other person's point of view with compassion. Grace and Antoinette This misunderstanding has occurred because of judgements about the other person's motives and character. To heal the situation, the judgements need to be released. Instead of seeing someone as "good" or "bad", have compassion, and know that everyone is doing the best they can. Instead of pitying someone, see that person's inner strength and Godliness. In that way, you encourage Divine light to be expressed within the other person and yourself. You are projecting something from your own shadow side onto the other person. So, this situation is an opportunity for you to clear away an ego issue. Simply affirm: 'I am willing to release that part of me that is irritated when I think of you.' We angels are helping to heal this situation miraculously so that everyone will forgive and forget judgements and act resp...

"Life is a long lesson in humility" ~ J.M. Barrie I can't even find the words, because they all sound empty. I am disappointed with myself. For remaining human. For fumbling, for still being blind and still looking to others to make me feel good (or bad) inside. For still holding envy, arrogance, competitiveness, jealousy, neediness... For still wanting a life partner. Why should I? Am I not good enough as I am now? Who gives an EFF if he's "ahead" of me, holding his hand backwards towards me, to help me up (I didn't see it, soemone else did - and that's only her interpretation)? If my connection with Allah, my angels, spirit guides, prophets and Imams aren't there - then there's no point in focussing on anybody else, is there? He's not here now, he wasn't there my entire life, was he? Whoever Travis is. I'm still alone. I'm still trying to let go of Imran completely. I still have to make my own life. I'...

Somehow, last night before I went to sleep, my subconscious told me it was perfectly okay to email Imran before Ramadhan began so as to "bury the hatchet" and become friends... I spent a few hours formulating my email. I woke up and was still thinking it was okay. That I had forgiven and wanted to just be forgiven in order to move onto my next dude (had a dream about him the night before. The energy was of my guy's but the face was of that dude from EastEnders. Or maybe something. I dunno. I thought perhaps this is my intuition, guidance. Then the thought came to me that the wanker couldn't even be bothered to send me an Eid card last Eid - when he sent one to everyone else. And I said "Hell no, WTF are you thinking Sukaina? Intuition and guidance, my ass. It's just a sense of lack and boredom and a means of distraction. Don't forget that, whilst you have changed, he may have NOT!" Okay, so I think I am ready once again to start sending out r...

One can hope. And one can once again ask Allah: please stop bringing stupid-head people and situations in my life. I hate their judgement, their empty words and their assumptions about me. Why are they being so blind? Do I really treat other people like that? Of course. And I am sorry. I don't know why I still do it. I'm trying so very, very hard. So hard, I am. So hard. And I can tell, because I am getting annoyed by my own self once again, that I must really be stepping on the toes of other people. I don't want to do that. I only reach out because I see it as connecting. And behaving opposite to my regular behaviour patterns of hiding away like a hurt turtle. And I'm so lonely and I need more real-life people in my life. Sane people. feather dusters. I'm so tired of all the people who are lessons and lessons and lessons..... why are there no enjoyable lessons? I may have angels and spirit guides around me, but can I see them? Can I sense th...

Just know, dear Allah, all that I have in my heart, I want you to answer. Soon. I know you will. But soon. I want some clarity tomorrow morning. I cling to You and Your rope... Honestly.... help me make sense of it all. Allow me access to the beauty of your wisdom, knowledge, gifts and abundance. Help me manifest it all. And please let me really be generous and stop being fearful and stingy about my gifts and knowledge. I still suffer from the illusion that by sharing it with others, I lose it, I become less special and powerful and blessed and gifted. x

I feel I have finally, finally forgiven you. You will always be remembered, blue-font boy. Although, having said that, most of my memories are actually fading away. I do love you, just in a different way from the Eros-inspired love I felt for you a few months ago. Is this what they call universal love? Unconditional love? Who knows... I still regret that we may never speak again. But... it is as it is. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you find it within to give and receive unconditional love. May you finally forgive me, too.

The Path to God One night a man cried, "Allah! Allah!" until his lips became sweet with the sound. The Evil One approached him as he stood chanting, and asked, "How now, chatterbox? Where is the answer to your insistence? Who replies to you 'Here am I?' No answer comes from the Throne: how long will you mindlessly go on crying 'Allah?' " Broken-hearted, the man ceased his chant and lay down to sleep. In that sleep he dreamed a dream, and in that dream the holy mystic Khazir appeared before him in a green garden. The saint spoke: "Why have you desisted from the mention of God? How is it that you now despair of calling on Him?" The dreamer replied, "I ceased because no 'Here am I' was coming to me. I fear therefore that I may be turned from His door." Khazir answered, "God says: 'Your cry of "Allah" is itself My "Here am I," just as your pleading, agony and fervor are my Mes...