Isle of Skye

The BESTEST OneRepublic song. I listened to it when I was with him, when I wasn't with him... and, again, today. Signs from the Universe. Synchronicities - I'll pretend it is so. One Republic - Say (All I Need) lyrics Do you know where your heart is? Do you think you can find it? Or did you trade it for something Somewhere better just to have it? Do you know where your love is? Do you think that you lost it? You felt it so strong, but Nothing's turned out how you wanted Well, bless my soul You're a lonely soul Cause you won't let go Of anything you hold Well, all I need Is the air I breathe And a place to rest My head Do you know what your fate is? And are you trying to shake it? You're doing your best and Your best look You're praying that you make it Well, bless my soul You're a lonely soul Cause you won't let go Of anything you hold Well, all I need Is the air I breathe And a place to rest My head I sai...

Bonne anniversaire à moi! Madiha Muffin. I still have no words. I shall not be able to forget this day, even if I try really hard. What was going to be an extremely crappy day, you managed to turn it a complete 180 degrees into one of the best days. Who cares if I am alone today? You've shown me how generous YOU are and how much YOU care about me. My life is a movie today. I usually try to downplay how much I like being made a fuss off on my birthday. I'm such a sap! But the gesture is so... j'ai pas de mots. Mes belles fleurs And yesterday, my friend Saima gave me the Darren Hayes "Spin" CD, chocolates, cupcakes and her mum made me mince pasties and we had crisps and... sigh (even  when I told her we would defer the present-giving until I found something I wanted). She tried to cheer me up. She took time out of her busy life schedule, even though she was really tired, she didn't cancel and she ignored my gloominess (I was more Eeyore than...

Unfinished conversations,                  half-baked plans. A present given with so much thought and love that I could almost cry; had I any tears left. A year on and the promise that I thought I had made to life                 has petered out; it barely smoulders. Such are the vicious repetitive cycles of the life I choose for myself,                 unforgiving, mundane, a continuously dumping on myself, such is the blank Love is so much harder to come by,                and once again, the unspoken questions stain my lips Is this it? Is this all? How is it that the things that people hold dear, I feel nothing for? Surely I didn't sign up for this lack of feeling, f...

Last Monday, Art chose a crystal mined in Brazil for each of us. Or, rather, the crystal chose us. It was a fun game. He kicked us out of the room, and when we got back, they had set up a table. There were twenty upturned mugs with a number besides them. In each was a crystal he'd brought from Brazil that had been attuned with healing energies. We each had to go around the table, without touching the mugs (he made us take an oath on that!) and see which were the three crystals we were most attracted/drawn to. You can feel the different energy vibrations for each crystal. Then Art was going to make the final decision; it could be we were right, or that someone else needed the crystal more than us, or that he felt we needed a completely different stone altogether. I was drawn to four crystals, the first I was sure was the strongest, second I had to decide between two, and third was easy to guess. I am happy to report that #9 was first on my list and #9 was the one I finally...

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain So, I've wasted the entire day doing nothing but being on the PC the entire day. Well, I researched the courses I wanted to do. And did some yoga. But still... grrr. Better do my meditations and set goals for tomorrow. And go out. And do some gardening. Trust. Feel the loneliness and slight desperation you feel about finding someone and unease you feel about your sustenance and let it go through the "body of glass". Pray to Allah. All is possible. Love this song, btw. It's a perfect song. His voice is like satin. Now this one is on constant replay, making me feel like I'm missing something. I AM NOT. If I am single, it's because that's what is best for me now. When I was in a relationship, that was what was best for me then. Doh. And the disintegrating of the relationship was what was best at the time. And the fact that we are not in co...

Okay, I admit I was doing a Google search. But this is after I did my own Google search. I'm such an idiot, I forgot to delete my photo from Linkedin BEFORE I deleted the profile. So it still comes up. Anyway, the point for this indignant post is: This is the person I still think I'm in love with. I don't think so. What a meanie - and his grammar is still absolutely atrocious :) I may have spoken roughly and rudely to a few random people online in my day, and I have definitely spoken roughly to people who are close to me... so I know that it annoys me more because it's my stuff being mirrored here. But, this is the person who was lecturing me about how my "tone needs to be less rude", etc. And now I know why I always felt he was hiding a lot of himself and coming across as fake. I was sensing the energy behind his words as non-congruent to what he was saying to me. Not quite deception, since I can still connect to the beautiful soul and spirit within, bu...

Act today as if you experienced yourself as a stable happy person despite your many changing feelings and emotional states. (Understanding the Enneagram, 91) Bahahahaha! These daily emails are so classic sometimes... spot on for the melodramatic emo tragic romantic type 4 diva. The past two weeks have been extremely intensely interesting. The processing is still going on. Yesterday, I was up and bubbly. Today, I'm still buoyant and I feel flat and feeling lonely too. And so danged tired. The amount of work we've done in two weeks is tantamount to an entire month. I can't make sense of it right now. Sometimes it seems all dreamy. I've had 5 letting go days. And I'm still holding on. And now I've used the word diva, I immediately go back to the start, when it was going swimmingly... we really were having fun. Maybe Sidra did only mention another person coming into my life in order to push me towards closure. Maybe she didn't. She's got her own ...

It's so close, I can almost pretend that I can almost taste it. Independence. Individuality. Strength. Creativity. Intuition. Trust. Love. Courage. Spiritual knowledge. Wisdom. Action. Joy. Groundedness. Abundance. Prosperity. Knowingness. God bless Tazeen, Sidra and Art. Thank You, Allah. Everyone else sees it, feels it. Save for me. Except, whenever they do the wellness readings, it bolsters me up. If only I had the courage to ask Art directly all the burning questions I have. Show me my path. Let me start receiving. Let me be okay with receiving. And the patterns that need meaning, grant me understanding. The things I don't understand now, place them before me in a manner that I can understand. Help me get out of my own way. Help me support myself. While they were doing a reading on my clairvoyance, I tried to read Imran. And then, for a minute, I thought I was still in love with him. So, please grant me resolution... you know I deserve it, and more importa...