Isle of Skye

It's a beautiful song, Tazeen tagged me, it's more her kind of song, I don't usually go for these songs...it's lovely though.... and... I can no longer relate to any of these heartbreak songs... which is refreshing. And liberating. A few minutes later... Well, I thought so, until I just did a few yoga poses to start my exercise routine and remembered Imran and started crying. Sigh. What is it with me being so EMO? Then I went to his Facebook profile and just kept saying I'm sorry for being so nasty to him. Gosh... my more aware question is show me how I can completely forgive myself for doing that, please. Spoke to Sidra: she said I was coming across as intimidated, which was accurate. Said that I'm using all the healing stuff as an excuse to not start living my life. She even said that her client, a 16 year old girl, asked how I was because she picked up from my email that I was sad... Jesus, even her clients are more gifted, open and aware than I am !...

From: Sukaina Juma [mailto:sukaina@ymail.com] Sent: 07 September 2011 22:33 To: Imran Lakha (ilakha) Subject: Hey Imran, old buddy, old pal,   Are you stalking me on SimplyShia? My profile ain't that interesting :)   How are you? :)   Oh, and just in case you still have those MP3s of Dua e Kumayl and Dua e Iftitah by Abathar I sent you back in the day, can you send them to me? I deleted all the emails and forgot to save the MP3 files before doing so - doh! then my computer crashed so I lost them from my hard disk :(   Belated Eid Mubarak :)   Sukaina Thursday, 8 September 2011, 11:30 Salaam Sukaina,   Thanks for reaching out… I’m doing well by the Grace of God. You?  If you’re referring to my visit to your profile then yes I did… you seem softer and more open than before, which is always good. Unfortunately I had my laptop re-imaged and lost a great deal of information, including my emails. Apologies.  Lastly Eid ...

"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.” Saw this on Facebook. Made me smile. Partly because it's so beautiful and chaste and pure and partly because it ignores all the rest of it. The dark side. I suppose that's w hy we're foolish enough to try again or to forget the pain. This is the third time I am typing this particular post. Due to my keyboard without the double-u working, it has been deleted twice because I pressed the button next to control and it deleted it. As though the universe doesn't want me to type these things out. I figured I am still in love w ith Imran. ...

Last week, during a life-coaching session, I was judging myself for wanting a spouse, a lover - after everything. After knowing that I don't need anyone, but that I want a husband. After knowing that I need to sort my life out. And I was told that of course I want someone and that it's completely natural and okay to want someone to hold me, to touch me, to love me... so if I accept and acknowledge it, it becomes easier to live with and just take as normal and not as some sort of "sin" or betrayal of self. She also asked me if I was any matriomonial website, and I said vehemently, "NO! I deleted everything after that guy!" (I couldn't bring myself to say his name then). "which guy?" "Imran. Sorry, I don't like saying his name sometimes." "why?" "Because it makes it more personal, as though there's still something there. when he is in my past and I am getting over it." That was last week. And ...

Dammit. The Problem Depression   Meaning: An important part of your life is presently in a stage of petrification. There is nothing you can do except be­come aware of the process and identify with the inner persona which is responsible. You have been lulled into resting upon the "Seat of Forgetting". You called for it yourself in order to be spared the truth. There is some­thing specific you don't want to accept, and the price you pay is darkness and emptiness.  The Way Throught the Problem The Symbolon Meaning: You are confronted by the stairway to the temple of meaning in your relationship. Don't hesitate to climb it. Your path is clear now Instead of looking for faults in your partner (that would be a step backwards), look con­sciously ahead and foster the vision of a higher goal: not a goal which serves to fulfil your subjective wants, but one leading to the birth of spiritual togetherness.  ...

Interesting how one of my major beliefs has been challenged. But, for once, it's a pleasant rule of the Universe being shown to me. We are all connected. Things, and people, that are meant to be in your life will come, go and, if when you need them or it's the right time, regardless of whether you're in for a wonderful or shitty time, they come back. All in the right time and place. It's happened with my friends, the true blue ones. Yup, that's you who are reading this right now. I should have realised. My numerology report says that I should let things come to me rather than force things, or grasp for them. Umair: I had crush on his beautiful almond-coloured eyes and whacky sense of humour in 1996. He found me on Orkut in 2006. Went AWOL in 2009. Came back in September 2010. Has gone AWOL again But, this time, I know he will come back. He's a positive energy in my life. Just have to figure out why or how. He's still a dumbass. But I like him! And...