Isle of Skye

Sakina posted this up on FB... I thought it would be interesting to see what the fundamentalist Muslim males have to say. I didn't agree with the first 2 minutes (it's all programming - who in their right mind is going to compare Lady Mariam's story of complete chastity, mother of Jesus, living in that era, with us today? WHO?) and was going to comment, then thank Goodness wisdom and lack of true interest overtook me and I told myself to disagree with it in private.  ... then I continued to the end - because I REALLY liked the way he read it and the poetry flows. I liked the end bit. (Apart from the mention of Aisha. Sorry, that's my programming kicking in. Why oh why can't you guys use Khadija, Maria, Umm-e-Salama as examples... WHY??? Why is it always Aisha? WHY???? Umm-e-Salama was there for Hussain and for Zaynab, grandchildren of the Prophet, at the time of Karbala - loyal and honourable until the VERY end; Khadija is one of the four ladies of Paradise, ...

I still need to work on forgiving him for using my body for his sexual gratification... from August 2011 up until February 2012. That's really wrong and he's an idiot. And as for the stuff after his getting married - I really don't know. I'm weird, and am sometimes wrong about things. Or he's full of crap. Whatever. Buh-bye... my 26 year old echo had better get over it now. I was actually getting my hopes up a little this morning and yesterday. Sad, sad... very sad. I need to get a job. I actually don't know quite what I need. P.S. Imran, I meant when I added you back in December and wrote you an email on this very email account. No reply. Predictable. Idiot. Damn, I hate being Artemis. I have such rotten luck with men :( I finally bit the bullet and called Ali yesterday after three lame ass days of him saying he'd call and then saying he got home too late. That was Monday... Tuesday, I fell asleep at 8 and he was free at 10pm and yesterday I c...

Copied from my O Healer, Heal Thyself blog. I don't even know how to begin this... or what title to put to this. Let's start with what made me post here. Les enfants. Apparently, my choice to not procreate is causing a block to my finding the right person to marry. Fascinating how the aunts and the single men of my community can casually box you straight away the moment you mention this. Fascinating  how you have to use Energetic NLP magnets and vacuum cleaners on the  inside of your brain to continually remove all the thought forms, limiting  beliefs and programmes people carelessly send your way. And to release  all the blocks and all the hooks that allow them to even vibrate at your  frequency or to trigger you in the first place. FASCINATING! Fascinating  how, the more energies you feel you release, the more wired and alien  you feel when you unwittingly go to places where you just absorb so much  energy... and feel like you are...

For the past two days, when I have been out and sitting by a tree to release energies, my heart starts hurting and I start crying and crying and crying.... I've scared two men and they have asked me if I am okay, and I stop crying, smile and say "Yes, I'm fine, thank you." Yesterday's grief was Imran. Still miss him, still regret him. Jesus. I really miss being in love and being cared for and receiving blue font emails and texts and cat photos and... damn.... Umair, Imran, Osama and now Ali... Using my words to tell them to back off or to tell them to come close and then tell them to back off. A part of me doesn't want the rest of me to be in a fulfilling relationship with a man because I am so scared. I sent Ali a text around 9pm last night to ask how he was doing. I had asked permission to send him healing the night before because he got home really late and was tired, so I was being of "love and assistance" - I mean, he's got cerebra...

How long before I forget you, I truly let you go? I don't know what to do. Show me Allah, make me really GET what lessons and what I need to do or become or let go of or embrace so that he no longer haunts me... he is haunting me in my thoughts and in my new relationships.... I am so scared of letting any man get close to me... what intimacy I shared with you Imran - I am so scared of repeating the pattern I started with you, with Umair actually and then I ripped myself to shreds on your thorny cold shoulders... I made beautiful poetry through the pain, but only once my mangled heart deigned to heal. My vocabulary is now permanently dyed with your sweet, caressing words, your harsh, spurious blurbs... little one, enjoy, enjoy spending time with you, domi, that smile is making a permanent mark - when was the last time I smiled? I smile - and I also smile when I think of the things this love for you opened up in me... so what do I do? Sometimes you come across as so wei...

I read in Venus and Mars on a Date or in Why Venus and Mars collide that when in a relationship, be willing to run a marathon, not just go for a short sprint. That means slow and steady wins the race - or something like that. Wish Imran had been open to doing that - *sigh* New guy, funny guy, from Birmingham. I had visited his profile last week and laughed a lot and had even spoken about his profile for 5 minutes to Sarah last week. She told me to contact him. I told her I don't want to move to from London, he's Khoja and he wants chidlren, lives with his family, mentioned his parents in his profile and is younger than I am (he's actually 27 - must be a funky head day) Good news is that he saw I had looked at his profile and has the £40 membership and messaged me on Saturday :) (Jesus - what the hell? Why am I not talking about God or work? Boys, boys, boys - argh!!!) I changed my profile on Friday night/Saturday morning in one of my moods of panic and frustration...

Last week, during a life-coaching session, I was judging myself for wanting a spouse, a lover - after everything. After knowing that I don't need anyone, but that I want a husband. After knowing that I need to sort my life out. And I was told that of course I want someone and that it's completely natural and okay to want someone to hold me, to touch me, to love me... so if I accept and acknowledge it, it becomes easier to live with and just take as normal and not as some sort of "sin" or betrayal of self. She also asked me if I was any matriomonial website, and I said vehemently, "NO! I deleted everything after that guy!" (I couldn't bring myself to say his name then). "which guy?" "Imran. Sorry, I don't like saying his name sometimes." "why?" "Because it makes it more personal, as though there's still something there. when he is in my past and I am getting over it." That was last week. And ...