Isle of Skye

Make me very, very strong, for I feel very, very weak right now . Defeated . This mean human existence weighs down on me, Thou hast broken my back. Again! I laugh bitterly. Yet again! I struggle in vain; all seems dark and futile. There is pain, Disillusion Darkness and blocks Obstacles that Thou refuseth to remove from within and from without There is the suffering of attachement that I still remain attached to, All the things that I destroy resurface in full vengeance. I am still attached To the ignorance, the doubts, the fears and the lower base emotions of anger, jealousy, envy, resentment, attachment, of inordinate desires, despair, apathy, confusion A sense of loss and of being lost. Ridiculed. Forsaken. It has all resurfaced Again? Again? I stain my hands as I juggle with memories of the past. My face has festering scars; indelible. I scratch at it Frenetic in my desire to OBLITERATE any remaining sign... That I still exist, re...

Unfinished conversations,                  half-baked plans. A present given with so much thought and love that I could almost cry; had I any tears left. A year on and the promise that I thought I had made to life                 has petered out; it barely smoulders. Such are the vicious repetitive cycles of the life I choose for myself,                 unforgiving, mundane, a continuously dumping on myself, such is the blank Love is so much harder to come by,                and once again, the unspoken questions stain my lips Is this it? Is this all? How is it that the things that people hold dear, I feel nothing for? Surely I didn't sign up for this lack of feeling, f...

I feel I have finally, finally forgiven you. You will always be remembered, blue-font boy. Although, having said that, most of my memories are actually fading away. I do love you, just in a different way from the Eros-inspired love I felt for you a few months ago. Is this what they call universal love? Unconditional love? Who knows... I still regret that we may never speak again. But... it is as it is. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you find it within to give and receive unconditional love. May you finally forgive me, too.

Your Type Four EnneaThought for February 16th— A major feature of your personality is that you become easily infatuated with others, having relationships mainly in your imagination. Notice this tendency in yourself today. (Personality Types, 151) It was only just a dream... wakey wakey, sunshine! You have you whole life in front of you... free yourself from your self-imposed shackles. You were trying to tie yourself up in convention and matrimony. It's not for you at the moment. Do what needs to be done. And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.   Anais Nin And yet... "If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I." ~ Michel de Montagne Except he was never all of the man I imagined him to be, and not only was I not all how he imagined me to be, but I was not the girl I imagined myself to be. The Soul Mate People think a soul...

How can they be so damned talented? How? How? How? How? How? Comment ?! I had to listen to this three times before I realised it was about AIDS. "Nothing Left To Do" Una mirada Ojos que matan De rodillas en tentacion Una palabra y no puede darle el no Una noche y su alma quiebra con Tremenda fuerza Y quien puede reprocharle Conosco ese momento de flojedad Veneno tierno que siembra la ansiedad Cada día tan confuso Sus demonios fuertes intrusos Cada noche su alma apuesta [Translation] One look Eyes that could kill Brought to his knees by temptation One word and he can't say no One night and his soul is being torn With tremendous force And who can blame him I recognize this moment of weakness Fresh poison cultivates the anxiety Each day so confusing His demons closing in on him Each night his soul is at stake Warm smile - long blond hair Pretty green eyes and skin damned fair For sure lucky to get with a girl like that Couldn't pa...

Imran Lakha ‎ "...you will only be remembered by those that loved you because you are truthful, not by those who don't have a heart." 18 hours ago via BlackBerry From: Imran Lakha (ilakha) To: Sukaina Juma Sent: Fri, 12 November, 2010 10:08:43 Subject: RE: Keep your cojones handy... Wa Aliaykum Salaam Sukaina, I don’t have a reply for you. In fact personally you need to work through your situation and i will work through mine. I am here if you need me. Ws, Imran. ~~~ I never thought it would really be this hard. But the pain, the burning, I'm beginning to get accustomed to it. It feels familiar. I wouldn't say I like it - not yet... it just seems necessary...

And this is why I screen my friends very carefully... She When I first met her, I felt so intimidated. She is a fountain of knowledge, yet doesn't seem to be fully aware of it. She's super intelligent, and used a bunch of fancy words that would make any English lit&lang prof swell with pride. And she's sharp, honest and somewhat critical. And she scared the heck out of me.   And yet, at the same time, I was so fascinated by her. Still am. I remember wanting to shrink myself into a little doll-type figure and sit on her shoulder, observing how she interacted with the world around her. I wanted to impress her, and I felt that she screened her friends very, very carefully. I never thought I'd join that elite group. There's something about her that's just so attirant to me - she pulled me in and I'd never met anyone like her before. ---- That was our first meeting, at the Salon Garigue. Since then, we've had our ups and ...

If you hear words that hurt you, then bow your head before them and they will miss you. Imam Ali (a) "I am asked to praise Ali in verses, Because recital of his praises will Release a man from Hell. I replied to them, how can I praise A man whose attributes are so sublime That men got confused over these attributes And started apotheosising him. He has placed his foot at such an eminent place, That according to the Holy Prophet (AS) It is the place on which, on the night of Meraj, God Had placed His hand of Grace and Mercy." (Anon) "It is someone whose footsteps are known by every place And it is he who is known to the Bayt in Mecca the most frequented sanctuary; It is he who is the son of the best of all men of God and it is he who is the most pious and devout, the purest and most unstained the chastest and most righteous a symbol [for Islam] This is Ali [b. al Husayn] whose parent is the Prophet This is the son of Fatima, if you do not know who he is Whosoever recogniz...

I am feeling quite disconnected from myself. I have spent the better part of two years trying to figure myself out and had finally gotten somewhere, only to have returned to Karachi and lost most of who I was. The 'I' would have gone out for a walk and seen the duckies at the pond right now. But, then again, if I hadn't come here, I'd never have started yoga. I mean, I remember bringing home two library books but never even doing any of the poses. Here, at least I socialise a little, get thawaab for smiling and saying salaam alaikum to the yoga instructor and I get to spend time with mum (even if we don't actually say a word or make eye contact). It's just temporary, staying in Karachi. As long as I keep reminding myself that, I won't stress out and perhaps will control the anxiety I keep feeling. I'm just truly obsessed with this marriage idea because I think it will make me feel whole. Ahem. Even I know that one has to feel whole before they enter ...

I know our time together is no more. then why do words come to mind that call you back? Why do I plan lifetimes that include you? Why do I torture myself with love I never felt while you were here? From 'How to Survive the Loss of a Love' Colgrove, Bloomfield and McWilliams ISBN 0-553-10492-6195 A random thought makes me think of him today. You know who. ok ok ok :) Relaxine Maxine. He used to say it whenever I was over-reacting to something he said. God knows what and God knows how many times. I just like the fact that he was as I wanted, in my mind, under my control (until I overstepped the hidden boundary and was reminded of it). He had a corny sense of humour, but it made me laugh, and that has been one of those tiny little strings that have anchored me; that have buoyed me upon the sea of life. I think I would have gone under if it weren't for him, at one point of my life. I stayed alive in order to think up smart repartees. I was so com...

i carry your heart with me e. e. cummings i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling) i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) This poem is from the film In Her Shoes, which is really brilliant. The script was superb. Toni Collette is always great. I cried when Maggie read the poem out to Rose at the end. Which is why I had to post it here. I should read more of e. e. cummings as well. I am feeling agitated today, and...

Question: Who was so pissed off that he cut his ear off? Answer: Van Gough I was fiddling with this in my head today, seeing if I could somehow work it into a title for a novel. The problems with it are numerous: apart from it being crass, crude and disrespectful, nothing in my imaginary novel would contain references to whichever type of artist he was, nor would anyone cut off his ear. Because that's just a stupid way to cause yourself pain. Deity Sukaina Juma And as my Soul dug into the grass, hiding away from the joys of the world and burrowing itself deeply into the grains of mud; I could see the sky as the light faded. The blueness of sky, the whiteness of cloud, the pink of sun But no tears trickled down these cheeks of mine I wasn't moved by the sight. But I was grateful that I did not have control over the entire universe. For He is able to create each day anew, while us hypocrites are left to play around with His original idea, and present it to the world with a differ...

On Pain Kahlil Gibran Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief. Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity: For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen, And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.

This is for all of you, my dearest friends. And you all know who you are. True enough, I have never experienced what you lovely Souls are going through. But the good thing about my being an INFP is that I can make myself feel empathetic enough to at least try and feel as though my heart is breaking, tearing, shredding, bruising, aching along with yours. I hope you can understand how sincere this emotion is. On Love Kahlil Gibran Then said Almitra , Speak to us of Love. And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said: When love beckons to you, follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pru...

On Marriage Khalil Gibran Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, Master?" And he answered saying: You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, An...

I hope I will have the great fortune of becoming his student InshaAllah. Dua e Nudbah In the name of Allah, The Beneficent, The Merciful Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds. And blessings of Allah and peace be on our Chief Muhammad, His Prophet, and on his children. O my Allah! (All) praise is for Thee for that which Thou decided upon and resolved in the matter of Thy friends, whom Thou purified for Thyself and Thy religion. When wisdom and high rank from Thee, prostrated themselves in adoration before them (from the Bountiful Preserving Lord), for whom neither there was any decreased, nor dispersion thereafter, then Thou stipulated for them piety and righteousness. While they were in this mean and crooked world, free from its pomp, vanity and false enjoyments, Thy overreaching authority made known their identity; and equipped them with sincerity and perfection stood surety for them and communicated intimately with them, sent the news of their auspicious arrival in advance, and ...