Isle of Skye

Dammit. The Problem Depression   Meaning: An important part of your life is presently in a stage of petrification. There is nothing you can do except be­come aware of the process and identify with the inner persona which is responsible. You have been lulled into resting upon the "Seat of Forgetting". You called for it yourself in order to be spared the truth. There is some­thing specific you don't want to accept, and the price you pay is darkness and emptiness.  The Way Throught the Problem The Symbolon Meaning: You are confronted by the stairway to the temple of meaning in your relationship. Don't hesitate to climb it. Your path is clear now Instead of looking for faults in your partner (that would be a step backwards), look con­sciously ahead and foster the vision of a higher goal: not a goal which serves to fulfil your subjective wants, but one leading to the birth of spiritual togetherness.  ...

Okay, I admit I was doing a Google search. But this is after I did my own Google search. I'm such an idiot, I forgot to delete my photo from Linkedin BEFORE I deleted the profile. So it still comes up. Anyway, the point for this indignant post is: This is the person I still think I'm in love with. I don't think so. What a meanie - and his grammar is still absolutely atrocious :) I may have spoken roughly and rudely to a few random people online in my day, and I have definitely spoken roughly to people who are close to me... so I know that it annoys me more because it's my stuff being mirrored here. But, this is the person who was lecturing me about how my "tone needs to be less rude", etc. And now I know why I always felt he was hiding a lot of himself and coming across as fake. I was sensing the energy behind his words as non-congruent to what he was saying to me. Not quite deception, since I can still connect to the beautiful soul and spirit within, bu...

... but I have to feed my obsession, the very last remnants of it, at least. He's deactivated his FB page. I first thought he'd taken me off it. Nahiiiii! and WTH??? was my first reaction. Then, I said, wait, search him. Didn't come up on FB search. Then was going to write another rambling idiotic obsessive email to Tazeen to ask for her wisdom. Thankfully, I stopped myself from being stupid. Tazeen has a life, even if you do not Sukaina! Then, I sneakily checked all three of his brothers' pages: he's not on any of them. To double check, I checked the two male cousins of mine who he's friends with. Not on their lists either. Which means he's deactivated it. A good thing I've saved all his photos. *hangs head in shame* Then, I did my Tarot: and this came up: Love: The reversed Page of Cups carries a warning when it comes to love relationships. When it appears, you may have your heart far too "set" on someone who is quite literally unavailable...

Madness. Mess. Meh . Men. Correction: male species. It takes a lot for me to call someone a man. The Prophet was a man, Imam Ali was a man, Imam Mahdi is a man, Agha Khoei was a man. Me not fulfilling my capabilities. My purpose. They are banging my head over and over with the signs and it's me who has to say to myself.. hello, knock knock, is it getting through? And I feel stuck... so release the feeling. You know now that these emotions and feelings aren't static. I went on the SimplyShia website out of fear. Sameera told me to start looking now because of her own sad experiences. So, stupid Suki did. Now if that's not tempting fate, I haven't a clue what is. Oh, btw , Irish's (that's how he will be for me forever now, I'd call him Arrogant, Weird-Ass Prick, but Irish is a nicer touch, so much more genteel) cousin died on Eid ul Adha , 18 th November 2010, Thursday night. 26 year old dies of a heart attack. Unfathomable. So he emailed me about it y...

Okay, his friend just tagged him in some photos he took at the wedding he went to three weeks ago. Obviously, you guys don't get to see.... I've already blown his and my privacy into smithereens... (July 2011 - Meh, it's done with, I've shown all of you anyway :) ) (11 September 2012 - I don't need his photo any longer. It's burned up in the ashes of the past. So I am choosing to delete it today... I have humiliated myself enough for love - or what I thought was love.) OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! Finally photos that do him justice. No wonder he has so many stalkers and people going nuts over him. His posse. And he found me interesting and enjoyed my company. Hubba hubba DROOL - my eyes literally popped OUT of their SOCKETS! Vimal, WHO???? And I have just lost him - again - because I sent him an email. This one. The one he had no response to. I live in my head way too much. Honestly. No wonder he's run off away, far far away... typical...