Isle of Skye

Just sending energy healing isn't enough in this world. Although, technically, all communications of mine are meant to have healing and love within them, even the really obnoxious ones. Deluded, I am. Even though the dating books tell me to ignore them this is different. This is an Imran doppelganger karmic connection that needs to be balanced IMMEDIATELY. Don't care what the transits are or the Mercury Retrograde. I am protected. And I am truly sorry... Thursday, 10:33 am Salaam Ihsan, I trust that you are keeping well :) I understand that my previous email might have been slightly insensitive and naive rather than honest and witty. When people tell me they appreciate my honesty, I still am fool enough to believe them! And I perhaps go overboard. And so you've chosen not to respond. Which is fine :) Since I've realised it, I'd just like to apologise for anything I have said that came across as mean, insensitive or rude. Or crass. I realise that I...

Okay, I guess my blog isn't pornographic any more to the library. Spoke to Ali on Skype last night... he said the first thing he did was do a Google search for Artemis Persephone! Can you believe it? Said it came up as warrior princess.... And there's no romantic feelings for him here... I can't see myself marrying him :) He calls himself stubborn, has a temper... same as me.... bloody Elementals we are! LOL :) I asked him about the fact he's 37 and not married... he said three girls, all liked him, they wanted to marry him and the moment their families saw him with his crutches... game over. They all said how dare you consider a guy who is "disabled"... and we don't want you to become his carer. Boy, the hurt he felt in his heart hit my heart hard..... One girl's family stopped speaking to her and said they would disown her... just over the crutches and the weakness in is legs.... cerebral palsy... in the healing book, they gave a specific r...

It's a beautiful song, Tazeen tagged me, it's more her kind of song, I don't usually go for these songs...it's lovely though.... and... I can no longer relate to any of these heartbreak songs... which is refreshing. And liberating. A few minutes later... Well, I thought so, until I just did a few yoga poses to start my exercise routine and remembered Imran and started crying. Sigh. What is it with me being so EMO? Then I went to his Facebook profile and just kept saying I'm sorry for being so nasty to him. Gosh... my more aware question is show me how I can completely forgive myself for doing that, please. Spoke to Sidra: she said I was coming across as intimidated, which was accurate. Said that I'm using all the healing stuff as an excuse to not start living my life. She even said that her client, a 16 year old girl, asked how I was because she picked up from my email that I was sad... Jesus, even her clients are more gifted, open and aware than I am !...

In backwards motion. Sidra dedicated a song to me: Aas Pass Hai Khuda. Bless her.  The wi-fi seriously sucks on weekends. Am using dad's PC because I need internet tonight. Specifically, listening to the haraam music. I was on the ENLP energy Skype call and each time it was my turn, it cut off. I obviously got what I needed - especially from Ash and his confidence in intimate relationships energy and Olive and her identity thingy. Bloody hopeless, I think Ash may at the most be Level 2 and look at how good his intuitive gifts are. He saw something for everyone. I only saw a dog, a pink energy for Diana and that's IT! I think it was just my conscious mind wanting more healing, some light bulb and lightening and fireworks. Tough luck, conscious mind. You get real life. It's much easier with Genne and With Leah. I resonate well with their energies. And one-to-one scenarios. Especially with Genne. Sidra gave me another session today: because I needed it. A lot of...

Remember how insanity is doing something in the same manner and expecting different results? Here's proof what did I repeat? Listening to Sidra's suggestion about going on the website Caving into what might have been intuition and also impulsivity about going back onto the same bloody website I met Imran on Putting my photos up Having to say no to the men I am not interested in and having those I was interested in back off or show no interest or decency to respond writing what I think is an honest and truthful and yet compassionate email and then getting a response like the  one I got from Akhlaq below emails like this: 14-09-2011 Salaam Akhlaq, Thanks for taking out the time from to email - I am sure it must be a really busy time for you! InshaAllah your surgery will go well on Monday and please don't worry about replying to me - you take your  time and do what needs to be done with uni and your health and your life :) To be honest, I think I'm go...

I fell asleep last night. Before reciting anything. I did the same thing for the 19th night. I feel guilt, only because it feels that if I haven't prayed then He won't help me. Which is ridiculous, of course. His generosity is not conditional on my petty pleas and tears. I had to leave the house. Is God really that cruel? I walked all the way here to find out about the tutoring centre. It's shut until 11th September. Now walk to Tesco for measly boxes of chocolates and orange juice and a cucumber. Playing the field is really not something I am comfortable with. Maybe if I rephrase that - making friends is something I am good at. Those four people who have messaged me are just that. People with whom I can talk to about random things. God, I feel so hurt and vulnerable and __________________. Having said that, allow yourself to be surprised and just let things happen. God, I feel like crap. God feels far away, I perceive that He hates me and is no longer able ...

Mark gave me a mock interview today. I did okay - I said "uhm" 13 times (he counted, the meanie). Not quite sure why I'm seeing him next week if I haven't started looking for work - although he was really convincing in his persuasion for me to start again. I needed to borrow his ball point pen because, as usual, could not find it in my huge-ass purse. He said yes, sure here you go... but make sure you give it back. I know all about you pen thieves. Then he says: I was at home one day and was bored and looked at the pot in font of me and thought "I wonder how many pens I have in the house" and so I counted them all - I have 150 pens at home..." Boy, I bust a gut laughing... who in hell has time to count all the PENS in the house???? And actually REMEMBER how many???? And this guy, my dears, is a cool guy - he's funny and he plays football, has a life partner and all the rest of it... bless him, it is worth seeing him each week to hear these radic...

"The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them." ~ Steve Hall, author My entire energy is one of a huge grimace, wincing and deep sense of remorse. Apparently, I still like using the belts and chains on myself. For being who I am, for experiencing myself as I am and behaving as I have and do. And as if by hating myself, I can change the crap I've done in the past. Fail, fail, fail. It's all a pack of lies, my emotions and motivations and reasoning. Love? For him, for myself, for friends, for family, acquaintances, for the planet? Puh-lease. That quotation says it all. It hurts and pains and makes me want to crawl into a hole because it is true. Having said that, I refuse to kill myself over the fact that I don't love people enough to be that Mother Teresa figure. It's inauthentic to the illusion of the person I am currently choosing to become right now. I think I'm going to continue doing the being authent...