Isle of Skye

...I choose to let go of the past, live in the present and look forward to the future. (again, and again, and again.... until it feels like my second nature and I can truly let go of the past...) This past weekend, I've once again searched for signs or seen things and immediately associated with him. And some of them had nothing to do with them, I just had filed incorrect information in my mind. * going to Old Street and thinking I'd bump into him... when actually, I've just googled it and the Cisco office is in Moorgate and he works at the main office in Feltham anyway... that's why he bloody moved there in the first place, idiot! * seeing a doberman on Saturday morning * seeing a guy who was of similar height and skin tone on Monday... * the Tracy Chapman song Change popping to my attention on Youtube on Tuesday evening - it's a good one, though. So, thanks for intro-ing me to her, Immy. * coming across the word Feltham randomly on Wednesday morni...

Interesting how one of my major beliefs has been challenged. But, for once, it's a pleasant rule of the Universe being shown to me. We are all connected. Things, and people, that are meant to be in your life will come, go and, if when you need them or it's the right time, regardless of whether you're in for a wonderful or shitty time, they come back. All in the right time and place. It's happened with my friends, the true blue ones. Yup, that's you who are reading this right now. I should have realised. My numerology report says that I should let things come to me rather than force things, or grasp for them. Umair: I had crush on his beautiful almond-coloured eyes and whacky sense of humour in 1996. He found me on Orkut in 2006. Went AWOL in 2009. Came back in September 2010. Has gone AWOL again But, this time, I know he will come back. He's a positive energy in my life. Just have to figure out why or how. He's still a dumbass. But I like him! And...

Your Type Four EnneaThought for December 23rd Make this Affirmation today: "I now affirm that I am free of the damage of my past." Everything to do with the fucked up man-boy is now officially and permanently in the past . Exactly 4 months since he first sneakily charmed his way into my life. I set myself free from all attachments in this life and all previous and future lives. Thou art a toxic boy and thou ruineth my self-esteem. Thou art not good for me. Addiction, obsession, passive-aggressiveness and violence and anger: not good in a relationship. Up and down from the get go. Rukhsana sent you a message. Rukhsana Ahad 21 December 2010 at 22:18 can u please leave imran alone and find a new person in ur life otherwise please get back with him your choice....thanx Rukhsana sent you a message. Rukhsana Ahad 21 December 2010 at 22:19 why are u prank calling him? Me prank call you? HA! Khush fehmiyan, chhote bachhe. You should be so lucky. How utterly f...

Not bored enough to pray, mind you. Or shower (yes, yes... go on, whatever! I showered less than 24 hours ago :p) I'm just wanting things to move, to go on smoothly. I want to be in love - I love being in love - not being imbecilically obsessed as I am now - sigh - but just in love. A mature, balanced love. I want someone to be on FB chat so I can chat to them. There's absolutely nobody and the one person I messaged asking her to help me procrastinate, she just went offline! Umair's busy, Tazeen's got a life, argh, argh, argh. November, turn into December so I can start feeling less lonely and fat. I really don't want to gain all that weight back. Argh. Argh. Argh. I wish I lived in North London, Hujjat is so much better than Hyderi. Bigger, too. Where are you Imran? What are you doing? Argh! Spoke to my mum about the entire thing. She told me, I did the same thing with Uncle (her second ex-husband) and I'm like: yeah, love makes us all paagal . She laughed at t...

Your Type Four EnneaThought sm for November 13 th — Remember that your cognitive error is to identify with your changing feelings and emotional states, especially negative ones. Since your feelings constantly change, your identity does as well, undermining many of your psychological needs. Notice this tendency in your thinking today. ( Understanding the Enneagram , 91) What do I feel, then? Flat. Numb. Non-existent. There have been emails exchanged between myself and Imran that I don't want to post up - they are too personal. Wow, Sukaina actually knows what privacy means again! In a nutshell, he asked me what I meant by us having a connection. I told him "It means what it says on the tin." (yes, very witty). So then he wrote - Each sentence you wrote, grew with Anger ... Not pleased... If we do have a connection, then why don’t you act upon it, instead of being miserable and whiny like every single cat-feeding woman that ever existed!!! J How’s t...