"The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them."
~ Steve Hall, author
My entire energy is one of a huge grimace, wincing and deep sense of remorse. Apparently, I still like using the belts and chains on myself. For being who I am, for experiencing myself as I am and behaving as I have and do. And as if by hating myself, I can change the crap I've done in the past.
Fail, fail, fail.
It's all a pack of lies, my emotions and motivations and reasoning. Love? For him, for myself, for friends, for family, acquaintances, for the planet? Puh-lease.
That quotation says it all. It hurts and pains and makes me want to crawl into a hole because it is true. Having said that, I refuse to kill myself over the fact that I don't love people enough to be that Mother Teresa figure. It's inauthentic to the illusion of the person I am currently choosing to become right now.
I think I'm going to continue doing the being authentic to myself and being inauthentic to everyone else.
Anything to survive. It works well. To hell with my murky aura and my so-called devotion to authenticity and honesty. Load of bollocks.
I choose to not go back into that place that makes isolation, alienation and my entertaining grim, hopeless and suicidal thoughts attractive again.
No point, is there?
You fail, you fail. Time and again, then time and again.
You're stuck, you're stuck.
You're lonely, you're lonely.
You don't understand or care about people, they don't understand or care about you.
If you're not ready for anything you think you want, especially intimacy with another man, you're not. ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON.
*shrugs shoulders*
You're not the only one.
You don't want to communicate with people, you want to go in your own version of the man-cave ~ do it. You might find peace there.
Protect yourself first ~ ALWAYS.
And remember that God loves you just as you are, with or without all of this crap. In spite of your frailty and weakness and tendency to lower the vibrations. And stuffing your emotions with food.
Keep holding on.
Things might not look so bleak tomorrow.
Five minutes later:
Look what I just found:
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with.
~ Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
It always comes back to that, doesn't it?
The self ~ what the heck is it?
Bugger.
~ Steve Hall, author
My entire energy is one of a huge grimace, wincing and deep sense of remorse. Apparently, I still like using the belts and chains on myself. For being who I am, for experiencing myself as I am and behaving as I have and do. And as if by hating myself, I can change the crap I've done in the past.
Fail, fail, fail.
It's all a pack of lies, my emotions and motivations and reasoning. Love? For him, for myself, for friends, for family, acquaintances, for the planet? Puh-lease.
That quotation says it all. It hurts and pains and makes me want to crawl into a hole because it is true. Having said that, I refuse to kill myself over the fact that I don't love people enough to be that Mother Teresa figure. It's inauthentic to the illusion of the person I am currently choosing to become right now.
I think I'm going to continue doing the being authentic to myself and being inauthentic to everyone else.
Anything to survive. It works well. To hell with my murky aura and my so-called devotion to authenticity and honesty. Load of bollocks.
I choose to not go back into that place that makes isolation, alienation and my entertaining grim, hopeless and suicidal thoughts attractive again.
No point, is there?
You fail, you fail. Time and again, then time and again.
You're stuck, you're stuck.
You're lonely, you're lonely.
You don't understand or care about people, they don't understand or care about you.
If you're not ready for anything you think you want, especially intimacy with another man, you're not. ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON.
*shrugs shoulders*
You're not the only one.
You don't want to communicate with people, you want to go in your own version of the man-cave ~ do it. You might find peace there.
Protect yourself first ~ ALWAYS.
And remember that God loves you just as you are, with or without all of this crap. In spite of your frailty and weakness and tendency to lower the vibrations. And stuffing your emotions with food.
Keep holding on.
Things might not look so bleak tomorrow.
Five minutes later:
Look what I just found:
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with.
~ Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
It always comes back to that, doesn't it?
The self ~ what the heck is it?
Bugger.
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