Mark gave me a mock interview today. I did okay - I said "uhm" 13 times (he counted, the meanie). Not quite sure why I'm seeing him next week if I haven't started looking for work - although he was really convincing in his persuasion for me to start again.
I needed to borrow his ball point pen because, as usual, could not find it in my huge-ass purse. He said yes, sure here you go... but make sure you give it back. I know all about you pen thieves.
Then he says: I was at home one day and was bored and looked at the pot in font of me and thought "I wonder how many pens I have in the house" and so I counted them all - I have 150 pens at home..." Boy, I bust a gut laughing... who in hell has time to count all the PENS in the house???? And actually REMEMBER how many???? And this guy, my dears, is a cool guy - he's funny and he plays football, has a life partner and all the rest of it... bless him, it is worth seeing him each week to hear these radical things.
Last week it was during the riots and he said that his sister lives in a bubble. When he spoke to her on the phone and said "Isn't it terrible what's happening in London?"
She replied, "Oh, has something happened to the Queen?"
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Man, I giggled so much (while feeling incredibly tense, of course).
God bless you, Mark. I might be kicked of the roster at Remploy before I find employment, but what you have given me.... I shall bless you and pray for you always. Even though, of course, Vimal is way hotter - you're just funny.
Hope I bump into Vimal next week. But even he must be married by now.
The eve of 15th Ramadhan 1432 AH
I knew I was going to remember... I just didn't think I'd be so at peace with it. I'll probably write another maudlin post on the 23rd of August.
An entire year since I first got his message on the SimplyShia website. I was sitting here, eating my iftaar (I'm guessing my dad was downstairs watching TV).
manu1001 has sent you a message on SimplyShia.
:)
I've been doing a lot of man-bashing these days. "The more I know about men, the more I love my cat."
And I still miss him.
I was actually singing this silly made-up song while I was making lasagna an hour ago, "I miss you even though you're not the one...." or something... forgot now!
And this year, I'm not at the mosque in my good shalwar kameez for the birthday of Imam Hassan (a.s.) not out of choice - I have no ride back from the mosque. I can spend 45 minutes going there by bus, but coming back at 10pm and waiting for two buses.... sigh. Too chicken guts to do it. And still live in my father's house.
Which also brings me to - I really would like to let this go, but I shan't because I'm masochistic like that - the fact that a certain Calgary friend has begun to drive and she's 4 years younger to me (and married and has a job and is living a life - musicals and horse riding, camping and God knows what else) really made me feel like I am continuing to betray my own self.
Everyone is living their life.
If I was ever to meet Imran - I don't think I could stand the shame. I really don't think my dignity and pride could stand it.
I can face up to my friends and to my life coach that my life is exactly where it was a year ago - but not to him. An entire year - his life must have just bloomed into a supernova existence. And me - exactly in the same physical place I was an entire year ago. Except I'm not even volunteering at Oxfam any longer (can't stand it).
Sitting in front of a computer - isolated, listening to Munajat e Imam Ali (a.s.) and still - nothing.
Happy Birthday Imam Hassan - spare a prayer for me, eh?
Oh. What's the use - the entire world is praying for me and due to loads of crappy reasons - I can't even get a job at Lidl, the local supermarket.
And as for a life partner? :) Can you believe, I was two seconds away from making a new profile on SimplyShia today (I KNOWWW!!! It was only because Sidra mentioned it, and then someone else told me which photo to put up if I ever was to go back on) and then my heart started palpitating and physically hurting and it said,
"Sukaina, no way. Not the internet. Not a Muslim matrimonial site. No. Do not put yourself up as that goat for sale. If you're going to do this, you do it properly. You'll meet your husband under completely normal circumstances and become friends FIRST. You are not socially engineering your life, all theory and not based in reality at all. Idiot."
Then, while washing the dishes, a thought:
"I wonder if it is easier to convert a spiritually and self aware man into a practising Shia Muslim or is it easier to convert a Shia Muslim male into a spiritually and self aware man?" Such a juicy FB status update - but way too offensive and narrow-minded... but it still is a thought.
Because those are my only options now.
Spiritually aware male who then understands Islam and why it might work for him or a Shia Muslim male who is already spiritually aware and NOT RIGIDLY religious like most of them are. Or rigidly non-religious like most of them are....
Oh, who cares?
I need a job and an active social life and some bling so I can buy a rain coat and shoes. I need an active social life - I NEED FUN!
I needed to borrow his ball point pen because, as usual, could not find it in my huge-ass purse. He said yes, sure here you go... but make sure you give it back. I know all about you pen thieves.
Then he says: I was at home one day and was bored and looked at the pot in font of me and thought "I wonder how many pens I have in the house" and so I counted them all - I have 150 pens at home..." Boy, I bust a gut laughing... who in hell has time to count all the PENS in the house???? And actually REMEMBER how many???? And this guy, my dears, is a cool guy - he's funny and he plays football, has a life partner and all the rest of it... bless him, it is worth seeing him each week to hear these radical things.
Last week it was during the riots and he said that his sister lives in a bubble. When he spoke to her on the phone and said "Isn't it terrible what's happening in London?"
She replied, "Oh, has something happened to the Queen?"
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Man, I giggled so much (while feeling incredibly tense, of course).
God bless you, Mark. I might be kicked of the roster at Remploy before I find employment, but what you have given me.... I shall bless you and pray for you always. Even though, of course, Vimal is way hotter - you're just funny.
Hope I bump into Vimal next week. But even he must be married by now.
The eve of 15th Ramadhan 1432 AH
I knew I was going to remember... I just didn't think I'd be so at peace with it. I'll probably write another maudlin post on the 23rd of August.
An entire year since I first got his message on the SimplyShia website. I was sitting here, eating my iftaar (I'm guessing my dad was downstairs watching TV).
manu1001 has sent you a message on SimplyShia.
:)
I've been doing a lot of man-bashing these days. "The more I know about men, the more I love my cat."
And I still miss him.
I was actually singing this silly made-up song while I was making lasagna an hour ago, "I miss you even though you're not the one...." or something... forgot now!
And this year, I'm not at the mosque in my good shalwar kameez for the birthday of Imam Hassan (a.s.) not out of choice - I have no ride back from the mosque. I can spend 45 minutes going there by bus, but coming back at 10pm and waiting for two buses.... sigh. Too chicken guts to do it. And still live in my father's house.
Which also brings me to - I really would like to let this go, but I shan't because I'm masochistic like that - the fact that a certain Calgary friend has begun to drive and she's 4 years younger to me (and married and has a job and is living a life - musicals and horse riding, camping and God knows what else) really made me feel like I am continuing to betray my own self.
Everyone is living their life.
If I was ever to meet Imran - I don't think I could stand the shame. I really don't think my dignity and pride could stand it.
I can face up to my friends and to my life coach that my life is exactly where it was a year ago - but not to him. An entire year - his life must have just bloomed into a supernova existence. And me - exactly in the same physical place I was an entire year ago. Except I'm not even volunteering at Oxfam any longer (can't stand it).
Sitting in front of a computer - isolated, listening to Munajat e Imam Ali (a.s.) and still - nothing.
Happy Birthday Imam Hassan - spare a prayer for me, eh?
Oh. What's the use - the entire world is praying for me and due to loads of crappy reasons - I can't even get a job at Lidl, the local supermarket.
And as for a life partner? :) Can you believe, I was two seconds away from making a new profile on SimplyShia today (I KNOWWW!!! It was only because Sidra mentioned it, and then someone else told me which photo to put up if I ever was to go back on) and then my heart started palpitating and physically hurting and it said,
"Sukaina, no way. Not the internet. Not a Muslim matrimonial site. No. Do not put yourself up as that goat for sale. If you're going to do this, you do it properly. You'll meet your husband under completely normal circumstances and become friends FIRST. You are not socially engineering your life, all theory and not based in reality at all. Idiot."
Then, while washing the dishes, a thought:
"I wonder if it is easier to convert a spiritually and self aware man into a practising Shia Muslim or is it easier to convert a Shia Muslim male into a spiritually and self aware man?" Such a juicy FB status update - but way too offensive and narrow-minded... but it still is a thought.
Because those are my only options now.
Spiritually aware male who then understands Islam and why it might work for him or a Shia Muslim male who is already spiritually aware and NOT RIGIDLY religious like most of them are. Or rigidly non-religious like most of them are....
Oh, who cares?
I need a job and an active social life and some bling so I can buy a rain coat and shoes. I need an active social life - I NEED FUN!
Comments