Just sending energy healing isn't enough in this world. Although, technically, all communications of mine are meant to have healing and love within them, even the really obnoxious ones. Deluded, I am.
Even though the dating books tell me to ignore them this is different. This is an Imran doppelganger karmic connection that needs to be balanced IMMEDIATELY. Don't care what the transits are or the Mercury Retrograde. I am protected. And I am truly sorry...
Thursday, 10:33 am
Salaam Ihsan,
I trust that you are keeping well :)
I understand that my previous email might have been slightly insensitive and naive rather than honest and witty. When people tell me they appreciate my honesty, I still am fool enough to believe them! And I perhaps go overboard.
And so you've chosen not to respond. Which is fine :)
Since I've realised it, I'd just like to apologise for anything I have said that came across as mean, insensitive or rude. Or crass. I realise that I used quite a few swear words in the email... not to insult, but I tend to forget myself sometimes and especially when I don't proofread emails before sending them.
That was not really my intention, but that's how it came across.
Thank you for teaching me a lot about myself in just a week... I evidently still have some important things to learn about tact and sensitivity in human relationships.
I'd still like to be on friendly terms with you, or at least end this on a friendly note... but of course I understand if you choose not to :)
Once again, truly sorry... if you have anything you'd like to say, so I can rectify MY own self, and actions, I'd be grateful for the feedback.
Wishing you a great weekend :)
Sincerely,
Sukaina
***
In other news, all my conversations and emails with Imran are coming back to mind in full force to haunt me. I miss that soul mate connection! Lol. He really was funny and we did flow. And he's married, Sukaina.
While crying out the crap yesterday, I was thinking abut it and although Sidra's words had hurt when I told her: I really want it to work, why isn't it? I really want to be with him. And she responded: not the way you are now.
Wiser Sukaina knows there is no way she could sustain her relationship with him at that time, and she was fool enough to think he'd be patient enough to wait, as patient as she has been for him :) She even knows that if he was single, she still probably wouldn't have been able to make it work with him in 2012. He's chosen to stay asleep in some ways, as as she. And she still is very judgemetnal about herself and about people. She felt really, really ashamed to admit to him that she's not working and still hasn't got her life in order. REALLY ashamed. Because she was comparing herself to him and his life...
She saw a hijabi woman, her husband and a cute child in the street yesterday and automatically thought of how he would be a great dad. That he found a woman who would actually birth his babies. There will be little Imran's runnning around in a few years. OUCH. Tummy hurts, heart not so much.
I love doing this to myself, don't I? :)
Sukaina still doesn't want to meet anyone, she feels it's all time wasting. And she's still scared of starting a relationship - because that means commitment and sacrifice and having to deal with his family and with my family. And until she is earning, she can't really do much. Wearing the same clothes from last year... two years on... same pair of sneakers, same pairs of shoes from Toronto in 2007.
***
She finally spoke to that 36 year old Irani guy that Aunty Shakila had told her about, to get it over with instead of being "judgemental" and telling him she's not interested and not looking. He's originally from Tehran, not good at communicating in English. Hadn't much to say, to be honest it seems he's as depressed and lonely as she used to be! Doesn't do much apart from working, watching TV and going out to eat by himself. Red alert!
He asked for her phone number, and she thought: well at least someone will call, she gave it... she hasn't the heart to tell him on Skype that it's not going anywhere. She's tired.She was tired on the Skype call. When she told him that she was the only child, he says: so you must be very lonely. Fuck it, second time in a week the Universe is telling her that: Auntie Shahida said that in passing to someone at Sajid's wedding last Saturday.
He calls later that afternoon and asks her what her profile ID is on SimplyShia (she had, in her stupid motherly role, encouraged him to sign up so he would find someone) and she tells him she's suspended it because she's not looking for anyone.
Then he asks: what's your body type? Slim, average, athletic...?
She's still tired, so her claws remain inside.
"I don't feel comfortable tell you that..."
"Oh, so average then..."
"No, not average, but I don't feel comfortable telling you that"
The first time he speaks to me and he says that! Then he texted me this morning saying good morning.
I really shouldn't have to listen to Sidra about everything. I keep collecting useless amounts of karma.
When Imran and I had those naughty sexual innuendo talks, it was fine. Because I knew he saw me first, my soul first. And I really, really thought he would end up choosing to marry me :) And I trusted him... oh dear... here we go again on that broken record :P
I picked out angel cards today on Flexibility, Patience, Discernment and Celebration, Forgiveness and something or other.
My dad's old friend Kell died last week, funeral is today. It would have been respectful for me to go, but am tired, sick and not really bothered. My mood is still that of a beaten down sourpuss. Anyway, Sidra has asked me to arrange for the refreshments for the workshop. And I have to remove all my photos from my camera memory stick so she can record everything....
Zahra called me yesterday. She's really nice. I kind of was down on myself yesterday. Just because I couldn't be anything else at the time. Dense.
Thank you Allah... she'll be interviewing me next week. Yay, a date with someone plus or minus my vibration - i.e. intelligent, open minded, sweet, sincere... kind, ambitious, traveller, fun, patient, communicative, very SEXY... :)
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