Interesting how one of my major beliefs has been challenged. But, for once, it's a pleasant rule of the Universe being shown to me.
We are all connected.
Things, and people, that are meant to be in your life will come, go and, if when you need them or it's the right time, regardless of whether you're in for a wonderful or shitty time, they come back. All in the right time and place.
It's happened with my friends, the true blue ones. Yup, that's you who are reading this right now.
I should have realised. My numerology report says that I should let things come to me rather than force things, or grasp for them.
Umair: I had crush on his beautiful almond-coloured eyes and whacky sense of humour in 1996. He found me on Orkut in 2006. Went AWOL in 2009. Came back in September 2010. Has gone AWOL again But, this time, I know he will come back. He's a positive energy in my life. Just have to figure out why or how. He's still a dumbass. But I like him! And he sent me a Jon Kabat-Zinn Youtube video a few weeks ago. Bless. :)
Imran: He contacted me in August 2010. I fell in love with him in September 2010. He dumped me twice in October 2010. I scared him off in November 2010. And subsequently deleted him. He added me back onto in January 2011. I sent him another yelling, angry, hurting, aching-for-closure email two weeks ago. And then, after all the melodrama, I add him back to my friends list (because I have been out of love with him since the stalker girl messaged me in December).
He was online yesterday, I didn't initiate, of course...and neither did he. He's ignoring me. I am yet another "insignificant" person in his life. Maybe there truly is nothing left to say. I have been pretty good at smashing all of it, like an Aries ram in a china shop.
And I'm crying today, because my emotions are mixed up and I feel as though I still love him. I miss him, though. That's definite. I keep re-reading his emails. But the strong, magnetic, soul attraction I felt towards him when I looked at his photos is gone. Thank God for small mercies.
This is a request sent out into the Universe:
To the biggest dumbass in my life,
Please become less screwed up so that we can start anew - solely as friends and kindred spirits. We will never marry, but there's definitely an important reason why you're in my life. How am I going to figure it out if you won't connect with me? Doh. Dumbass. And you have the same Life Path as I do. We both have our own potentials to realise. So stop avoiding the inevitable. And forgive me, already! I'm doing my best to accept you and forgive you. It works some days, not others.
Signed,
Moi
Sigh. And the heart's been burning since yesterday, whenever I think of him.
Armughan: Never thought I'd ever mention him again! After Umair acted like a complete dumbass with me, I transferred all of my emotions and desires onto intelligent and arrogant Armughan (see the pattern?! ;)) That was possibly the most intense crush I've had as a child/teen. It lasted two full years.
If I dedicated the Outlandish song Sakeena to Imran, NSync's Tearing Up My Heart was my song for Armughan.
It only ended because he left Karachi for Geneva. And I left FPS to go to The City School. While in A levels or at Glendon (I can't remember which), I hunted him down and we sent a few messages on MSN, but there was nothing really there. He was least bothered. I think he added me on FB a few years ago, I added; then deleted him. And three days ago, he found me again on FB and added me.
And we talked online yesterday. I made him laugh as we discussed Grade 7 and 8 and who had a crush on whom.
He kept asking where I lived, nosy parker! I finally told him "near Wimbledon" and he said that he's going to be in London from Friday morning until Wednesday morning.
Uhm, okay, thanks for the head's up!
~~~
Sidra would just say I'm creating another distraction. I would have to agree with her this time.
I hate not being with Imran. Or, rather, a bloke. Or is it Imran? Or is it just love I want? Or is it...... argh.
~~~
*smacks head with the book He's Just Not That Into You so that the words can be forever embedded in my brain*
We are all connected.
Things, and people, that are meant to be in your life will come, go and, if when you need them or it's the right time, regardless of whether you're in for a wonderful or shitty time, they come back. All in the right time and place.
It's happened with my friends, the true blue ones. Yup, that's you who are reading this right now.
I should have realised. My numerology report says that I should let things come to me rather than force things, or grasp for them.
Umair: I had crush on his beautiful almond-coloured eyes and whacky sense of humour in 1996. He found me on Orkut in 2006. Went AWOL in 2009. Came back in September 2010. Has gone AWOL again But, this time, I know he will come back. He's a positive energy in my life. Just have to figure out why or how. He's still a dumbass. But I like him! And he sent me a Jon Kabat-Zinn Youtube video a few weeks ago. Bless. :)
Imran: He contacted me in August 2010. I fell in love with him in September 2010. He dumped me twice in October 2010. I scared him off in November 2010. And subsequently deleted him. He added me back onto in January 2011. I sent him another yelling, angry, hurting, aching-for-closure email two weeks ago. And then, after all the melodrama, I add him back to my friends list (because I have been out of love with him since the stalker girl messaged me in December).
He was online yesterday, I didn't initiate, of course...and neither did he. He's ignoring me. I am yet another "insignificant" person in his life. Maybe there truly is nothing left to say. I have been pretty good at smashing all of it, like an Aries ram in a china shop.
And I'm crying today, because my emotions are mixed up and I feel as though I still love him. I miss him, though. That's definite. I keep re-reading his emails. But the strong, magnetic, soul attraction I felt towards him when I looked at his photos is gone. Thank God for small mercies.
This is a request sent out into the Universe:
To the biggest dumbass in my life,
Please become less screwed up so that we can start anew - solely as friends and kindred spirits. We will never marry, but there's definitely an important reason why you're in my life. How am I going to figure it out if you won't connect with me? Doh. Dumbass. And you have the same Life Path as I do. We both have our own potentials to realise. So stop avoiding the inevitable. And forgive me, already! I'm doing my best to accept you and forgive you. It works some days, not others.
Signed,
Moi
Sigh. And the heart's been burning since yesterday, whenever I think of him.
Armughan: Never thought I'd ever mention him again! After Umair acted like a complete dumbass with me, I transferred all of my emotions and desires onto intelligent and arrogant Armughan (see the pattern?! ;)) That was possibly the most intense crush I've had as a child/teen. It lasted two full years.
If I dedicated the Outlandish song Sakeena to Imran, NSync's Tearing Up My Heart was my song for Armughan.
It only ended because he left Karachi for Geneva. And I left FPS to go to The City School. While in A levels or at Glendon (I can't remember which), I hunted him down and we sent a few messages on MSN, but there was nothing really there. He was least bothered. I think he added me on FB a few years ago, I added; then deleted him. And three days ago, he found me again on FB and added me.
And we talked online yesterday. I made him laugh as we discussed Grade 7 and 8 and who had a crush on whom.
He kept asking where I lived, nosy parker! I finally told him "near Wimbledon" and he said that he's going to be in London from Friday morning until Wednesday morning.
Uhm, okay, thanks for the head's up!
~~~
Sidra would just say I'm creating another distraction. I would have to agree with her this time.
I hate not being with Imran. Or, rather, a bloke. Or is it Imran? Or is it just love I want? Or is it...... argh.
Funny thing is both Umair and Armughan just remembered me as having a huge crush on Jibran - and it wasn't even that. I really liked him as a friend, another intellectual with whom I could converse with, but he wasn't the most attractive person in the world. One summer holiday in Grade 6, I ran into him in Harrods. Umair told me he currently lives in London.
With all the freaky shit going on these days, I won't be surprised if I bump into him while in London. I'd better be smoking hot that day ;)
~~~
Having said all this, the point is that we're all connected. The soul mates come into your life at the right moment. They come back if necessary. Again and again and again. And you enter their lives again and again and again. For a reason, a season or a lifetime.
~~~
God, I miss you so much right now, Imran.
I could email you or FB you. But that would be me falling into the same hole again. Talking to static. Being ignored by the immature person who thinks I'm insignificant. Who doesn't have the decency to respond. Even when we were getting along fine.
And who arouses all these negative feelings of anger and hurt and obsession and possessiveness and blah blah blah.
Bloody soul mates theory. Or, rather, bloody soul mates reality.
And who arouses all these negative feelings of anger and hurt and obsession and possessiveness and blah blah blah.
Bloody soul mates theory. Or, rather, bloody soul mates reality.
I'm feeding the love addiction. It's not you I love, it's love itself. Or is it you I love? It can't be: because you don't feel the same thing about me. Or if you do (seeing as we are soul mates), there's no way I'd ever know.
And isn't love supposed to make you feel good? Not make you cry like a banshee every night. Or feel unheard. And like crap.
Sukaina, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU! If he was, he'd have done something about it by now. He would never have dumped you by text. And insisted that you call him, or force you to emotionally blackmail him into calling or emailing you.
Doh. End of.
Doh. End of.
~~~
Now don't go falling for Armughan, okay? If you were upset and jealous and possessive about Imran and his 300+ contacts on FB, Armughan has 970+ contacts. He added 8 more after he added you.
He does yoga and speaks French, though... BAHAHAHA! I cannot help but laugh at myself!
He does yoga and speaks French, though... BAHAHAHA! I cannot help but laugh at myself!
*smacks head with the book He's Just Not That Into You so that the words can be forever embedded in my brain*
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