Away with the Fairies....
I'm writing because what else is there to do for someone like me?
As usual, wasting yet another day in my life. Technically, I had intended to donate blood today. But, just like all the other times when blood donation came up, I've got a cold like thing, so my blood won't be helpful.
Perfect.
I keep waking late, at 8am - or even 9am
I was looking up the synopsis of Rockstar - I didn't want to waste my time watching a movie that's crap. The songs are amazing.
So the synopsis made me laugh. Sardonically.
The story follows Janardhan Jakhar (Ranbir Kapoor) an uncouth, social nobody in college in Delhi. A good-for-nothing, uncooperative son at home. And a struggling-musician-with-little-hope to his friends and acquaintances...
But Janardhan wants to change all that. So when a well wisher discloses the secret behind all great success: that you have to fall in love and then break your heart. Only then will your music become better, deeper and you will be a star. Janardhan is determined to make it happen for him too.
He befriends Heer (Nargis Fakhri); the most beautiful, sophisticated and popular girl in college. The two strike an unconventional friendship, and spend their days together in reckless abandonment. Then Heer leaves and Janardhan continues with his regular life. He gives up music and joins the family business.
But fate has other plans. Janardhan and Heer meet again. This time things are different. Before he knows it Janardhan embarks on a tumultuous journey of self discovery, longing and restlessness only to realize that the very thing he spent his life looking for was in front of him the whole time...
***
I don't want to waste time watching this film. I already wasted 18 months... on crappy filmi lines rolling in my head...
***
Truth.
My writing got a lot better, meaningful and actually had some heart after.... I wrote from my head before all of that. I was defending myself from all of his attacks. All the emails I had written to him were from my head... don't hurt me, don't come near me... you're not the one, so why am I feeling all of this crap? Pretty much...
It was just so bloody difficult to communicate with one another. What was the point? Oh yes... I remember.
The first one I wrote from my heart was when I sent him my blog entries... and a few others from the head, because I couldn't risk the heart... and then when he went off with the other girl, I told him.... and again on 11/11...
Man, was I a zombie then.
...ouch, that pain is something else. I am not going through that pain again.
I thought the depression was painful... and it is. And that was some specific, acute pain that shredded. I am so glad I've moved from that, now it's just shame, guilt, regret and anger at the waste of time, resources... that I'm an idiot and live in my head. Still.
I was dead then... literally.... anyawy. Still am, but apparently everything is perfect.
I mean, come on... why do I sign up for the most arudous lessons in order to learn?
I am changing it.
***
And it's done. I did it last night and today. They are now deleted from memory. Their names. Imran's still comes in my head, so my angels need some super powers to remove him from my heart. And mind. And soul :P
I don't need them any longer: Tazeen, Imran, I said bye to Umair, too, in his birthday email. And I'm not having them as soul mates next incarnation. This is not love. This is too painful to be love.
***
I'm changing my soul plan... I want 2-2, another 7-7, and any light numbers... ones that make loads of money and are generous and fucking know what they are doing with their lives. Shame we no longer have the software. I'll have to calculate manually.
***
Inshallah, this Thursday, I'm meeting Fatema after exactly two years. I told her I need to, and so neither of us is cancelling. We'll celebrate both our birthdays with expensive, overpriced cupcakes at the US based Hummingbird Bakery. Might as well, right? Didn't celebrate my birthday... I'll give her the lotions that Lynda had given me for Christmas.
***
This came up...
North Node for us is Gemini, South Node is Saggistarius (it's according to an entire year of births) South Node, we already did that in last incarnation, North Node is what we aspire to.
Looks like I've left both nodes. Lol.
North Node in Gemini and/or in the Third House
With North Node in Gemini, our South Node is in Sagittarius. With North Node in the third house, our South Node is in the ninth house.
A tendency to hold beliefs and opinions without gathering the facts, to being self-righteous and running roughshod over others' feelings, to rushing through life and possessing excess nervous energy, and to lack tact in our relationships with others are some of the issues this position suggests. With this position, we easily crack under imagined pressures, and we are too often in a hurry for fear that our freedom will be curtailed if we stop long enough to gather facts and consider the details of everyday life. We need to learn to listen to others so that we discover the value of true communication and exchange, and to see both sides of a situation instead of throwing out dogma at others. We want to have meaningful and intelligent exchanges with others, and we want to teach others as well. But in order for us to succeed with these things, we need to learn that true learning and exchanges can only come when we listen to others. Learning to slow down, to be sensitive to social graces and networks, and to sensitize ourselves to others' needs and communications without fear of being tied down, will release us from some of our nervous tension and help us achieve more happiness and inner balance.
South Node in Sagittarius and/or in the Ninth House
With North Node in Sagittarius, our South Node is in Gemini. With North Node in the ninth house, our South Node is in the third house.
A tendency to be overwhelmed by information overload, to be mentally over-stimulated to the point of not being able to make effective decisions, to be bound by logic and swamped in details at the expense of our intuition, and to miss the "big picture" are some of the issues this position suggests. With this position, it can be difficult to commit ourselves to any one thing. We need to learn to trust our inner guide—our intuition—in order to uncover more meaning to our lives. Our decisions tend to lead us astray, as we rely too heavily on logic and miss out on the exciting adventures generated from the thrill and satisfaction of following a hunch or a vision. We need to allow ourselves to believe in something that doesn't necessarily make sense, but that frees us from mental anxiety and stress. When we don't commit ourselves to something, we run the risk of appearing superficial or flighty to others. Worst of all, the passion of true discovery eludes us, and we cannot feel whole or satisfied. When we don't have the faith to know who we are and what we believe, even without knowing, we will never come across as sincere or truthful. We cannot inspire others to have faith in us when we do not have faith in ourselves. When we act bravely and impulsively, working on intuition and faith, we free ourselves from the inner turmoil of doubt and too much logic, and find an inner balance that enriches our lives and our souls.
***
Cold. Rain. Thank you, God. I need to connect with angels today. I need guidance. I can't waste this day, too.
***
I need a job... and abundance.. where is it? Where is it? Where is it?
Ooops... bring to me my abundance... may all our lessons be gentle...
***
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As soon as you trust yourself,
you will know how to live.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Life isn't about finding yourself.
Life is about creating yourself.
- George Bernard Shaw
Be gentle first with yourself -
if you wish to be gentle with others.
- Lama Yeshe
It is better to conquer yourself
than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours.
It cannot be taken from you,
not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
- The Buddha
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Never impose on others what
you would not choose for yourself.
- Confucius (Ancient Chinese)
If you have found your truth within yourself
there is nothing more in this whole existence to find.
- Osho
Who were you before you put yourself last.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Simply put, you believe that things
or people make you unhappy,
but this is not accurate.
You make yourself unhappy.
- Wayne Dyer
***
Another Evanescence song.... I love the beat.... and as I recall, my heart was only tasered, never broken :) Not Artemis, never Persephone... we were born and made of stronger mettle, for grander things....
So create it already... TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm writing because what else is there to do for someone like me?
As usual, wasting yet another day in my life. Technically, I had intended to donate blood today. But, just like all the other times when blood donation came up, I've got a cold like thing, so my blood won't be helpful.
Perfect.
I keep waking late, at 8am - or even 9am
I was looking up the synopsis of Rockstar - I didn't want to waste my time watching a movie that's crap. The songs are amazing.
So the synopsis made me laugh. Sardonically.
Rockstar Movie Synopsis | Story of the Movie Rockstar 2011
But Janardhan wants to change all that. So when a well wisher discloses the secret behind all great success: that you have to fall in love and then break your heart. Only then will your music become better, deeper and you will be a star. Janardhan is determined to make it happen for him too.
He befriends Heer (Nargis Fakhri); the most beautiful, sophisticated and popular girl in college. The two strike an unconventional friendship, and spend their days together in reckless abandonment. Then Heer leaves and Janardhan continues with his regular life. He gives up music and joins the family business.
But fate has other plans. Janardhan and Heer meet again. This time things are different. Before he knows it Janardhan embarks on a tumultuous journey of self discovery, longing and restlessness only to realize that the very thing he spent his life looking for was in front of him the whole time...
***
I don't want to waste time watching this film. I already wasted 18 months... on crappy filmi lines rolling in my head...
***
Truth.
My writing got a lot better, meaningful and actually had some heart after.... I wrote from my head before all of that. I was defending myself from all of his attacks. All the emails I had written to him were from my head... don't hurt me, don't come near me... you're not the one, so why am I feeling all of this crap? Pretty much...
It was just so bloody difficult to communicate with one another. What was the point? Oh yes... I remember.
The first one I wrote from my heart was when I sent him my blog entries... and a few others from the head, because I couldn't risk the heart... and then when he went off with the other girl, I told him.... and again on 11/11...
Man, was I a zombie then.
...ouch, that pain is something else. I am not going through that pain again.
I thought the depression was painful... and it is. And that was some specific, acute pain that shredded. I am so glad I've moved from that, now it's just shame, guilt, regret and anger at the waste of time, resources... that I'm an idiot and live in my head. Still.
I was dead then... literally.... anyawy. Still am, but apparently everything is perfect.
I mean, come on... why do I sign up for the most arudous lessons in order to learn?
I am changing it.
***
And it's done. I did it last night and today. They are now deleted from memory. Their names. Imran's still comes in my head, so my angels need some super powers to remove him from my heart. And mind. And soul :P
I don't need them any longer: Tazeen, Imran, I said bye to Umair, too, in his birthday email. And I'm not having them as soul mates next incarnation. This is not love. This is too painful to be love.
***
I'm changing my soul plan... I want 2-2, another 7-7, and any light numbers... ones that make loads of money and are generous and fucking know what they are doing with their lives. Shame we no longer have the software. I'll have to calculate manually.
***
Inshallah, this Thursday, I'm meeting Fatema after exactly two years. I told her I need to, and so neither of us is cancelling. We'll celebrate both our birthdays with expensive, overpriced cupcakes at the US based Hummingbird Bakery. Might as well, right? Didn't celebrate my birthday... I'll give her the lotions that Lynda had given me for Christmas.
***
This came up...
North Node for us is Gemini, South Node is Saggistarius (it's according to an entire year of births) South Node, we already did that in last incarnation, North Node is what we aspire to.
Looks like I've left both nodes. Lol.
North Node in Gemini and/or in the Third House
With North Node in Gemini, our South Node is in Sagittarius. With North Node in the third house, our South Node is in the ninth house.
A tendency to hold beliefs and opinions without gathering the facts, to being self-righteous and running roughshod over others' feelings, to rushing through life and possessing excess nervous energy, and to lack tact in our relationships with others are some of the issues this position suggests. With this position, we easily crack under imagined pressures, and we are too often in a hurry for fear that our freedom will be curtailed if we stop long enough to gather facts and consider the details of everyday life. We need to learn to listen to others so that we discover the value of true communication and exchange, and to see both sides of a situation instead of throwing out dogma at others. We want to have meaningful and intelligent exchanges with others, and we want to teach others as well. But in order for us to succeed with these things, we need to learn that true learning and exchanges can only come when we listen to others. Learning to slow down, to be sensitive to social graces and networks, and to sensitize ourselves to others' needs and communications without fear of being tied down, will release us from some of our nervous tension and help us achieve more happiness and inner balance.
South Node in Sagittarius and/or in the Ninth House
With North Node in Sagittarius, our South Node is in Gemini. With North Node in the ninth house, our South Node is in the third house.
A tendency to be overwhelmed by information overload, to be mentally over-stimulated to the point of not being able to make effective decisions, to be bound by logic and swamped in details at the expense of our intuition, and to miss the "big picture" are some of the issues this position suggests. With this position, it can be difficult to commit ourselves to any one thing. We need to learn to trust our inner guide—our intuition—in order to uncover more meaning to our lives. Our decisions tend to lead us astray, as we rely too heavily on logic and miss out on the exciting adventures generated from the thrill and satisfaction of following a hunch or a vision. We need to allow ourselves to believe in something that doesn't necessarily make sense, but that frees us from mental anxiety and stress. When we don't commit ourselves to something, we run the risk of appearing superficial or flighty to others. Worst of all, the passion of true discovery eludes us, and we cannot feel whole or satisfied. When we don't have the faith to know who we are and what we believe, even without knowing, we will never come across as sincere or truthful. We cannot inspire others to have faith in us when we do not have faith in ourselves. When we act bravely and impulsively, working on intuition and faith, we free ourselves from the inner turmoil of doubt and too much logic, and find an inner balance that enriches our lives and our souls.
***
Cold. Rain. Thank you, God. I need to connect with angels today. I need guidance. I can't waste this day, too.
***
I need a job... and abundance.. where is it? Where is it? Where is it?
Ooops... bring to me my abundance... may all our lessons be gentle...
***
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As soon as you trust yourself,
you will know how to live.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Life isn't about finding yourself.
Life is about creating yourself.
- George Bernard Shaw
Be gentle first with yourself -
if you wish to be gentle with others.
- Lama Yeshe
It is better to conquer yourself
than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours.
It cannot be taken from you,
not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
- The Buddha
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Never impose on others what
you would not choose for yourself.
- Confucius (Ancient Chinese)
If you have found your truth within yourself
there is nothing more in this whole existence to find.
- Osho
Who were you before you put yourself last.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Simply put, you believe that things
or people make you unhappy,
but this is not accurate.
You make yourself unhappy.
- Wayne Dyer
***
Another Evanescence song.... I love the beat.... and as I recall, my heart was only tasered, never broken :) Not Artemis, never Persephone... we were born and made of stronger mettle, for grander things....
So create it already... TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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