I knew it wouldn't snow in London today. Or any day. And I am really, really glad it didn't. Instead, the sun is shining and the birds are chattering, just like yesterday. I've even done half of my suitcase, I'm feeling so fine.
Some of my friends are telling me I am being unreasonable. I know I am. Why are you pointing out the obvious? To quote one (I tell you, it took a lot of self control not to delete it straight away):
"Hopefully things remain stable for u here. But honestly saying she aint gonna change n if u still expect her to treat u like an adult without u taking responsibility then thats not justified. N i've seen no 1 is really happy with the way their families treat them but then v never consider how v treat our families..takes 2 to tango right...try finding a middle path to things. Its not impossible. Ure still lucky compared to the case studies v get..The 1 we heard today left me speechless... completely speechless...thats life."
Thanks a bunch, Taz.
Fuck it. I must be the one who is the wrong one. Another said that she gets pissed off with me but tries to be patient. Why does she get pissed off with me? Because I see everything in a negative light. Okay. And I never take her advice. Or rather, I ask her for help (which I don't, I usually just need a sounding board) and then when she gives me advice, I don't take it or end up doing pretty much what I want to do anyway.
Omg. Why do I have such nice, polite relatives? I feel like a shit in comparison. Which is pretty much what I am. Just rang my mum's aunt's house to say goodbye. My cousin Zohaib picked up. So damned polite. He's only five months older than me. Has a job, obviously. The younger ones do, too. But then again, they all are accountants. But they are always so damned polite. God knows how that happens. And how I continue to happen. I just cannot bring myself to have good manners. It is not part of my nature and I find it next to impossible to cultivate it. Christ.
Well, at least I don't have to go visit them now, because her third son is in hospital after a bad reaction to penicillin. He's allergic, poor git.
And then I have another friend who rings me from all the way from Karachi, just because she is so damned worried about me and speaks to me for an entire hour and a half. And then rings me again two weeks later just to make sure that I still haven't topped myself off. And I've never really expected it from her, but she has proved herself every single bloody time.
And another who tells me that obviously I am going to be messed up...wait, let me quote her.
"Hey hun, look it's natural to feel that way that's the first thing u have to understand. Anyone in your situation is bound to get depressed about 'finding themselves" there is nothing wrong with that.
it's too bad that things got to be the way they are between u and ure dad. I think that maybe u need to communicate with ure dad about how u are feeling in terms of going back. I kno u are not on good terms with him rite now but do u really want to leave things the way they are?
also going to khi doesn't have to be permanent, maybe once u go there u can regroup ure goals and thoughts and get some more ideas on what u'd like to do later on. being married is fine but don't just do it because there's nothing else left to do. u are a very smart, bright and talented person and there are a lot of things u can do if u apply ureself. don't underestimate ureself if there is something u really are passionate about like teaching then u shouldn't be discouraged cause u didn't get into school for that. u can always teach at schools voluntarily and hopefully find a way to work up from there.
i kno i am very ignorant in these matters and u may feel that i don't understand what ure going through cause i've never been through it but i do kno that no matter wat there is always a way out to something better so first thing u need to do is turn that frown upside down and think how u can make ure situation better instead of why it is so bad
can u call me this weekend? not really sure what day i will be home most probably this sunday. can't really write too much cause i'm at work but call me and we'll talk about it more. when do u plan on leaving for khi? let me know
love Seher"
Ah, bugger and chips. I really do think 'tis me at fault.
Some of my friends are telling me I am being unreasonable. I know I am. Why are you pointing out the obvious? To quote one (I tell you, it took a lot of self control not to delete it straight away):
"Hopefully things remain stable for u here. But honestly saying she aint gonna change n if u still expect her to treat u like an adult without u taking responsibility then thats not justified. N i've seen no 1 is really happy with the way their families treat them but then v never consider how v treat our families..takes 2 to tango right...try finding a middle path to things. Its not impossible. Ure still lucky compared to the case studies v get..The 1 we heard today left me speechless... completely speechless...thats life."
Thanks a bunch, Taz.
Fuck it. I must be the one who is the wrong one. Another said that she gets pissed off with me but tries to be patient. Why does she get pissed off with me? Because I see everything in a negative light. Okay. And I never take her advice. Or rather, I ask her for help (which I don't, I usually just need a sounding board) and then when she gives me advice, I don't take it or end up doing pretty much what I want to do anyway.
Omg. Why do I have such nice, polite relatives? I feel like a shit in comparison. Which is pretty much what I am. Just rang my mum's aunt's house to say goodbye. My cousin Zohaib picked up. So damned polite. He's only five months older than me. Has a job, obviously. The younger ones do, too. But then again, they all are accountants. But they are always so damned polite. God knows how that happens. And how I continue to happen. I just cannot bring myself to have good manners. It is not part of my nature and I find it next to impossible to cultivate it. Christ.
Well, at least I don't have to go visit them now, because her third son is in hospital after a bad reaction to penicillin. He's allergic, poor git.
And then I have another friend who rings me from all the way from Karachi, just because she is so damned worried about me and speaks to me for an entire hour and a half. And then rings me again two weeks later just to make sure that I still haven't topped myself off. And I've never really expected it from her, but she has proved herself every single bloody time.
And another who tells me that obviously I am going to be messed up...wait, let me quote her.
"Hey hun, look it's natural to feel that way that's the first thing u have to understand. Anyone in your situation is bound to get depressed about 'finding themselves" there is nothing wrong with that.
it's too bad that things got to be the way they are between u and ure dad. I think that maybe u need to communicate with ure dad about how u are feeling in terms of going back. I kno u are not on good terms with him rite now but do u really want to leave things the way they are?
also going to khi doesn't have to be permanent, maybe once u go there u can regroup ure goals and thoughts and get some more ideas on what u'd like to do later on. being married is fine but don't just do it because there's nothing else left to do. u are a very smart, bright and talented person and there are a lot of things u can do if u apply ureself. don't underestimate ureself if there is something u really are passionate about like teaching then u shouldn't be discouraged cause u didn't get into school for that. u can always teach at schools voluntarily and hopefully find a way to work up from there.
i kno i am very ignorant in these matters and u may feel that i don't understand what ure going through cause i've never been through it but i do kno that no matter wat there is always a way out to something better so first thing u need to do is turn that frown upside down and think how u can make ure situation better instead of why it is so bad
can u call me this weekend? not really sure what day i will be home most probably this sunday. can't really write too much cause i'm at work but call me and we'll talk about it more. when do u plan on leaving for khi? let me know
love Seher"
Ah, bugger and chips. I really do think 'tis me at fault.
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