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Where's the heat gone?

Your Type Four EnneaThoughtsm for November 13th—

Remember that your cognitive error is to identify with your changing feelings and emotional states, especially negative ones. Since your feelings constantly change, your identity does as well, undermining many of your psychological needs. Notice this tendency in your thinking today. (Understanding the Enneagram, 91)


What do I feel, then? Flat. Numb. Non-existent.

There have been emails exchanged between myself and Imran that I don't want to post up - they are too personal. Wow, Sukaina actually knows what privacy means again!

In a nutshell, he asked me what I meant by us having a connection. I told him

"It means what it says on the tin." (yes, very witty).

So then he wrote -

Each sentence you wrote, grew with Anger... Not pleased... If we do have a connection, then why don’t you act upon it, instead of being miserable and whiny like every single cat-feeding woman that ever existed!!! J How’s that for Cojones? Sorry anger doesn’t suit me, I’m a placid individual....

Then he wrote:  

You are of the lucky ones, who i can tolerate and actually enjoy spending time with.... so stop being peculiar and meet me? J yeah??


If you don’t like me, have no fear.... I don’t bite and i won’t make it hard for you... What do you say???


So Sukaina writes the most long-assed email since we started communicating. Declarations of "I love you but you are this and this and I am too scared and scarred. Oh, and you have issues that you need to work through, too - treating me like rubbish.."

I read it again now and I don't know how or why the hell I did it. But it has been done.

And today? I feel as though I never really had that passionate love for him. It's like it was a crush. He is so in the friend zone now. I made him up in my head.

Wow.

This sucks even more - unless it's the Venus still retrograding - shush! It's true. :p
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