Act today as if you experienced yourself as a stable happy person despite your many changing feelings and emotional states. (Understanding the Enneagram, 91)
Bahahahaha! These daily emails are so classic sometimes... spot on for the melodramatic emo tragic romantic type 4 diva.
The past two weeks have been extremely intensely interesting. The processing is still going on. Yesterday, I was up and bubbly. Today, I'm still buoyant and I feel flat and feeling lonely too. And so danged tired.
The amount of work we've done in two weeks is tantamount to an entire month.
I can't make sense of it right now. Sometimes it seems all dreamy.
I've had 5 letting go days. And I'm still holding on. And now I've used the word diva, I immediately go back to the start, when it was going swimmingly... we really were having fun.
Maybe Sidra did only mention another person coming into my life in order to push me towards closure. Maybe she didn't. She's got her own life stories to deal with at the moment. And so do I. If I'm given limited information, I can't do much with it.
I don't care what anybody else thinks. I'm speaking from a calm place: I still feel a strong connection. I may be delusional. I may have to write a gazillion "letting him go" letters. But there is a sense of "I can't have attracted someone so special into my life, who became so special to me, only to still love him after all these months, after all signs to the opposite, withoutit meaning something more."
I do know that it's useless holding on. No matter what the final result may be. I need to let him go. And yet, I still have a disembodied connection with him. Doesn't make much sense. To me.
"What happened to Ms. Independent?" ~ Kelly Clarkson
I was getting over him. I was looking forward to whatever is on the horizon, as yet unseen.
And then, for example, the remote healings we sent on the 4th of April. I first put my mum's name, Inseeyah's. I really wanted to put Imran's name third, but logic told me to put Tazeen's. So I did. And my heart wasn't happy. My heart really wanted to put Imran on (I didn't do it the first round, however, even though I still wanted to).
So, I crossed out my Mum's name and put Imran's name. And when they were sending him healing, I couldn't even concentrate on the person I was sending healing to, because my heart was beating really fast.
See? If this is obsession without a basis or profound cause, I am way too involved in the dream. A part of me just doesn't understand what lessons are lef to be learned.
It's as though: I am connected but on the most spiritual, abstract level. Not in reality.
In reality, he doesn't give shit. In reality, he is who he is and probably hasn't grown much in all these months. In reality, he lives with his brother in Feltham and expects his wife to be X,Y and Z. In reality, he probably is already going out with his soul mates and having the time of his life. He will get engaged this year, if not married. I know this much.
I kind of wish I could say the same for myself, but we shall just wait and see. I trust in Allah, in His knowing what is best for me and only allowing that to happen. I'm doing quite okay in the present, anyway.
I'm going to set an intention to make my life easy and do the letting go as many times as needed. If, after saying I'm done with it, the feelings pop up again, I'll accept it and do antoher clearing and unhooking session. I'll ask what lessons still need to be learned.
I'm blocking me, not giving me space to be me by myself and I keep regenerating hope... and on the surface it ain't possible. No matter how lovely a soul he is. It doesn't matter, Suki. It is not meant to be. You chose this. You are distracting yourself again. Woman up and create the life you want for yourself.
I'm also not making space for the new soul mate in my life, am I? Nor am I even making a career and earning money my priority.
WTF? So annoying. Grow up.
Bahahahaha! These daily emails are so classic sometimes... spot on for the melodramatic emo tragic romantic type 4 diva.
The past two weeks have been extremely intensely interesting. The processing is still going on. Yesterday, I was up and bubbly. Today, I'm still buoyant and I feel flat and feeling lonely too. And so danged tired.
The amount of work we've done in two weeks is tantamount to an entire month.
I can't make sense of it right now. Sometimes it seems all dreamy.
I've had 5 letting go days. And I'm still holding on. And now I've used the word diva, I immediately go back to the start, when it was going swimmingly... we really were having fun.
Maybe Sidra did only mention another person coming into my life in order to push me towards closure. Maybe she didn't. She's got her own life stories to deal with at the moment. And so do I. If I'm given limited information, I can't do much with it.
I don't care what anybody else thinks. I'm speaking from a calm place: I still feel a strong connection. I may be delusional. I may have to write a gazillion "letting him go" letters. But there is a sense of "I can't have attracted someone so special into my life, who became so special to me, only to still love him after all these months, after all signs to the opposite, withoutit meaning something more."
I do know that it's useless holding on. No matter what the final result may be. I need to let him go. And yet, I still have a disembodied connection with him. Doesn't make much sense. To me.
"What happened to Ms. Independent?" ~ Kelly Clarkson
I was getting over him. I was looking forward to whatever is on the horizon, as yet unseen.
And then, for example, the remote healings we sent on the 4th of April. I first put my mum's name, Inseeyah's. I really wanted to put Imran's name third, but logic told me to put Tazeen's. So I did. And my heart wasn't happy. My heart really wanted to put Imran on (I didn't do it the first round, however, even though I still wanted to).
So, I crossed out my Mum's name and put Imran's name. And when they were sending him healing, I couldn't even concentrate on the person I was sending healing to, because my heart was beating really fast.
See? If this is obsession without a basis or profound cause, I am way too involved in the dream. A part of me just doesn't understand what lessons are lef to be learned.
It's as though: I am connected but on the most spiritual, abstract level. Not in reality.
In reality, he doesn't give shit. In reality, he is who he is and probably hasn't grown much in all these months. In reality, he lives with his brother in Feltham and expects his wife to be X,Y and Z. In reality, he probably is already going out with his soul mates and having the time of his life. He will get engaged this year, if not married. I know this much.
I kind of wish I could say the same for myself, but we shall just wait and see. I trust in Allah, in His knowing what is best for me and only allowing that to happen. I'm doing quite okay in the present, anyway.
I'm going to set an intention to make my life easy and do the letting go as many times as needed. If, after saying I'm done with it, the feelings pop up again, I'll accept it and do antoher clearing and unhooking session. I'll ask what lessons still need to be learned.
I'm blocking me, not giving me space to be me by myself and I keep regenerating hope... and on the surface it ain't possible. No matter how lovely a soul he is. It doesn't matter, Suki. It is not meant to be. You chose this. You are distracting yourself again. Woman up and create the life you want for yourself.
I'm also not making space for the new soul mate in my life, am I? Nor am I even making a career and earning money my priority.
WTF? So annoying. Grow up.
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