Isle of Skye

Why.....???? lol :) Me Salaam alaikum Imran :) I hope you're well, I know you're at work. I just wanted to make sure you received the last text I sent. It's an amazing sunny day today :) 10:51Imran salaam Sukaina i am at work 10:51Me I know ok..... well have a great day.... :):) 10:51Imran but i am trying to add myself to as many datacentre pages :):) 10:51Me good thinking :):) 10:52Imran i will get back to you asap. 10:53Me no rush..... as i have said... have a great day. you might want to get out at lunchtime instead of staying at the desk.... take care and talk soon, Lakha boy :):)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0172396/ I really love that film. I wonder how many times I'll be using this as a blog entry title.... I lasted exactly a month. I'll just take is as Allah's/the Universe's way of saying "look, I don't want you and Imran to waste copious amounts of time in pain and misunderstanding and infatuation, as your mother did and his parents did, especially after you've spent 3 years in hell. Why re-visit it?" Why indeed? I may or may not type up all the (lovely and beautiful) texts he had sent me before last Thursday, just so I have a keepsake before I have to delete them from my phone due to space restraints. My phone stupidly deleted most of my written ones automatically :( So here's the stuff since Monday: I was on Yahoo and he was online and I waited for 10 minutes for him to say hi. He didn't. So I wrote Salaam Imran, hope you're having a good day. That's all. Talk soon, I hope. Sukaina/Suki (word c...

21 August 2009 Email topic: I was singing today just before breakfast From: Ibrahim Juma ... View Contact To: Sukaina Juma Dear Suki I woke at about 8.45AM .The alarm was ringing . It was set at 8.30AM. I was tired. I worked hard the last four days. I had Auditors IN this week. Any way the song. In Swahili: " SUKI MTOTO WANGU NAKU PENDA SANA" Translated as follows: " SUKI MY CHILD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH " I kept on singing with tune and without any effort or pre-thinking. The words just poured out of me.

... when anyone says that, it means it's going badly. It's all messy and you've obviously "screwed up". So, you know what's been happening this weekend. Well, little Suki is learning. I am trying to take this at a meta aware level. Looking at myself as one looks at children playing. Seeing the tantrums, the emotional ways I've acted. I kidnapped 15 books from Farhat Apa - this weekend was one of those weird, flowing ones. I just hope I was able able to spread healing and Reiki around, even though I was sleep-deprived. I finally called and spoke to him yesterday. He has such a gorgeous, typical, North London, Khoja voice. A really sexy voice... sigh, Sukaina, be-HAVE! ;) He told me he avoids conflict, which is just great for me. He told me my emails were a little exasperating. I said "You can't just say that and not elaborate" He said they are 2 page emails and he just has to read and read and read. But I wasn't my usual charming ...

I'm online with him right now. Fine, he has a bad cold. But he's not writing normally at all. And it sucks. It feels like he isn't interested any more (which wouldn't be unusual) or he's angry with me. Or preoccupied. I cannot handle it!!!! Well, I can, but still feeling the pain. Bloody EMO! You told him no. C'est tout.

The Emotional Alchemy book said it was good, the body releases that which needs to be released. I felt empty and unlovable for a bit, then the waterworks transformed into a soothing balm for the heart. I couldn't sleep, for the most obvious of reasons, even after listening to an hour of Darren Hayes, Keane and Atif Aslam . That's also partly because I shot down 60g of plain dark chocolate in one go yesterday while going through the emotional release. So, I went to the kitchen to make some chamomile and then I noticed how clear the sky was after the rain. So, I opened the back door and went into the garden and.... If any of you have a chance, meditate at 2:30 in the black night on the little grid of stars that He has put there for us. Add the cooling wind for a calming sound effect. And I looked, and I gazed, and I regarded. And I contemplated. And, slowly, calm and trust and acceptance came into the heart. Once again, the stars and the winds and the velvet sky whisper...

And it doesn't help that I am female. As much as I try to claim my own power, the power differential is so vast, that... Am I too honest, too raw, too caring? Yes, yes, yes. Is it wrong to be like this? No, it's just you don't fit on this plane of existence. Whereby people settle for second best, whereby people suppress and deny and fumble around and know or not know and care or don't care and lie while being genuine and... Whereby my mind says one thing, my heart says another and God says a third and messes it all up. Whereby I can swear at God and He knows I don't mean it, but that's not evident to anybody else. To everybody else, I am a blasphemer. Your world is so expansive and I again feel stuck. But this time, it's because I've attached myself to the world. And what I think it has to offer. Sucks, but there you go. I want to sorta kill myself now, just to shut off the pain. Imagine me becoming a Samaritan. I could never become one; I...