OK, the lady at the library - I'm going to get her name somehow, she ought to be sacked. TWAT. I will not let her treat me like the way she just did and get away with it again., She did it to me three years ago, she is NOT doing it to me again today. Fucking retard. Stop wearing that bloody corset and those fucking high heels and maybe you'll gain some humanity.
Tarzan keeps asking me how I feel in my body. Right now, I feel a burning pain. In my neck, waves and waves of burning pain. And whenever I've written him the texts or the emails "letting him go", my left arm starts with the mercury type of feeling sweeping inside.
I feel rotten for treating him like I have treated him. Poke, poke, poke. Punch, punch, punch. And all I want is to merge. But is he just convenient? I don't know if I like HIM for being HIM. It's an IMAGE, Sukaina, an IMAGE. A projection.
Argh.
I cannot let myself do that because I feel that I know it's too good to be true, that I will get hurt and he will hurt me. When I saw the first blurry, webcam photo of him, I looked at his jawline and these thoughts popped up: he must look exactly like his father, and he looks like he would physically beat me to a pulp when angry. He will physically hit me."
Now I am not pretending that I am intuitive the way certain friends of mine are, but those are the first thoughts that came up and my heart froze, it felt like a steel vice clamp had wrapped itself around it and bled it a little.
And other than that fear, there's nothing else. I feel safe with him. It's always been like that. I mean, why else would I keep prodding him and pushing him? I'm, in a way, trying to see if he will take me for all my ugliness, the "whole" rather than just the "good". I'm not sure if he does, but who cares Sukaina????
He dumped you and you agreed that it was a wise decision.
Let's see if the new girl in my life can help me make less of a fuck up situation than I've made already. She could tell how tall he is and said he had good energy, a good profession and was "sober" - I would have said "seedha" but he's not that either....
This is why: we both pretend to be moral and noble, but we swear like street kids ;)
Our chat on Fri, 8/10/10 8:42 -----
Sukaina (8:03): Salaam... you're on here early
Sukaina (8:12): Did I ever tell you I was teased about my surname?
Sukaina (8:13): Because I grew up in Pakistan - I was called Sukaina Friday / Jumma constantly
Sukaina (8:13): So much so I went through a phase of calling myself Sukaina Mohammadali (my grandfather's name)
Sukaina (8:14): The reason I bring this up is I received an email yesterday from a Pakistani- origin counsellor with whom I have a Skype appointment today, and she's written Sukaina Jumma.... it was really not cool of her
Sukaina (8:14): lol
Sukaina (8:16): But then, I've been reading The Sayings and Wisdom of Imam Ali and he says... *drumroll* "If you hear words that hurt you, then bow your head before them and they will miss you"
Sukaina (8:16): Methinks that is very interesting..... hmmmm
Sukaina (8:16): BTW in case you haven't noticed, I just love talking to myself...
Imran Lakha (8:19): Salaam sukaina
Sukaina (8:19): Ws Imran
Imran Lakha (8:19): I'm on my way to work as you type
Sukaina (8:19): Okie dokie I shall continue my monologue in my head then
Imran Lakha (8:19): No
Imran Lakha (8:20): Its kool
Sukaina (8:20): So, how are you?
Imran Lakha (8:20): Alh
Imran Lakha (8:20): You?
Sukaina (8:20): Pas mal....
Sukaina (8:20): It's cloudy again
Imran Lakha (8:20): Yeh I know
Imran Lakha (8:21): Although it will get better
Sukaina (8:21): Hmmmm.....
Sukaina (8:21): interesting
Sukaina (8:21): lol
Imran Lakha (8:21): (Shakes head)
Sukaina (8:22): So where is the new place *coughs and corrects posture and makes tone all superior- like* property you and your brother will be situating yourselves into the following week?
Imran Lakha (8:23): In feltham
Imran Lakha (8:23): A nice area
Sukaina (8:23): uhm hmm
Sukaina (8:24): What colour t- shirt are you wearing today?
Imran Lakha (8:24): Shirt, white
Sukaina (8:24): LOl - you couldn't get further away from London if you tried.....
Sukaina (8:25): I thought it was casual Friday....
Imran Lakha (8:25): I thought the same
Imran Lakha (8:25): But hey lifes a choot
Sukaina (8:26): I so shouldn't have Googled that word You shoulda put a disclaimer... grr. Mysogynist
Imran Lakha (8:27): You don't sound l
Imran Lakha (8:27): Sorr
Imran Lakha (8:27): Sorry
Sukaina (8:27): lol
Imran Lakha (8:28):
Sukaina (8:29): What were you saying before? "You don't sound I.."
Imran Lakha (8:29): Sorry can't multitask to save my life
Imran Lakha (8:30): Getting a coffee and typing is not good
Sukaina (8:30): Then why even attempt it?
Imran Lakha (8:30): Hmmmm
Sukaina (8:30): BTW, exactly how many coffees do you drink in a day?
Imran Lakha (8:31): Well based on your frequency of messages... Quite a bit why?
Sukaina (8:31): lol... what? ? ? ?
Sukaina (8:31): Expliquez
Imran Lakha (8:31): Agrhhhhhh
Sukaina (8:31): lmao
Imran Lakha (8:32): ok
Sukaina (8:32): OK, wait I think I got it
Sukaina (8:32): You're multi tasking because I'm typinf a lot
Sukaina (8:32): and you drink a lot of coffee....
Imran Lakha (8:32): Yes
Sukaina (8:32): Me is smart
Imran Lakha (8:32): Yes
Imran Lakha (8:32): No
Imran Lakha (8:32): Lol
Sukaina (8:33):
Imran Lakha (8:33): JokE
Imran Lakha (8:33):
Sukaina (8:34): I can take a joke..... I so can take a joke
Imran Lakha (8:34):
Sukaina (8:34): You see, I keep my Ego in a tiny cage and let it out for special occassions - usually when dealing with neandertahl males
Sukaina (8:34): *neanderthal
Imran Lakha (8:35): Ok
Sukaina (8:35):
Sukaina (8:35): So which brother do you live with? The Tenerife- raver, the cute little kid (Akber) or the other one (Abbas)?
Imran Lakha (8:36): How in Gods name do you know em?
Sukaina (8:36): Use the grey matter......
Imran Lakha (8:36): someone told you
Imran Lakha (8:37): Or you enquired and got an answer
Sukaina (8:37): Hmmmm... interesting
Imran Lakha (8:37): Yes
Imran Lakha (8:37): Certainly
Sukaina (8:37): Me being all anti- Khoja... I'd so do that, right?
Sukaina (8:38): "Aunty, there's this chhokro (guy) called Imran Lakha and I must know ALL there is to know about him....
Sukaina (8:38): LMAO
Imran Lakha (8:38): Who did you speak too?
Sukaina (8:39):
Imran Lakha (8:39): Hmmm
Imran Lakha (8:39): You know I can do one better
Sukaina (8:39): It's very simple.... but you're acting liek a complete and utter goldfish right now
Sukaina (8:39): Oh yeah? What?
Sukaina (8:40): *is so ready to take you on*
Sukaina (8:40):
Imran Lakha (8:40): Are you sure?
Sukaina (8:40): I'm never sure, even you know that
Sukaina (8:41): But, I'll try anything once, eh?
Imran Lakha (8:41): Hmmmm very interesting!
Sukaina (8:41): Oh. Yes. Indeedy.
Sukaina (8:41): So, waht is this challenge you propose?
Imran Lakha (8:41): so I take my bow
Imran Lakha (8:41): Khz
Sukaina (8:41): What?
Sukaina (8:42): Okie.....
Sukaina (8:42): Kh
And there's no privacy being erased or secrets being revealed here. We were talking as "friends" not as "lovers"....
I do miss being teased and pursued and....
Oh, let me paste one more chat that made me feel sooo good but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him:
mran
Salaam Sukaina
how are you?
10:38Me
wa alaikum as salaam Imran
10:39Imran
interesting response to my message..hmmm
10:39Me
I am okay... how are you?
10:39Imran
alh...
10:39Me
again with the interesting and the hmmm......
quit it alreadY! :P
10:39Imran
hey its a habit...
10:39Me
ok fair enough.... :)
10:39Imran
so i read your message
mixed messages...hmmm
interestingly i didnt mean it like that
i was sending you a funny depiction of a common occurence whilst on FB
10:40Me
so why couldn't you say that instead of writing FYI?
i just didn't see the relevance
10:41Imran
hmmm
interesting!
inshallah i'll remember that next time if i decide to ever send you something... :)
10:42Me
lol
10:42Imran
Which is possibly why I feel like your dog/bitch right about now.
what was this?
10:42Me
please do remember that WHEN you send me something next time
Oh God, if i have to explain what seems perfectly clear to me....
meh....
10:42Imran
meh?
no explain it sukaina!
10:43Me
Yes. M.E.H.
Anyway, you're at work, as I recall.
10:43Imran
No sukaina
dont change the topic!
10:43Me
No time for frivolities, as I remember.
10:44Imran
no this time i have the time
to listen
as always i am curious as to what you think of me and how i come across
explain...
10:44Me
Maybe it is beter for you to talk...
so why did you send me that random Youtube thingy?
apart from what you already said
10:45Imran
Be a doll, quit the Mr Hyde act and return to your Dr Jekyll emailing. You can express yourself very well when you want to. You have my digits, if you feel that's better way to say whatever it is you're trying to say.
no sukaina explain
10:45Me
Explain what? Honestly, what part of it don't you udnerstand?
10:46Imran
do i come across as the hyde/jekyl complex?
seriously?!
all of it sukaina!
10:46Me
Y.E.S. You do come across as that. I udnerstand withdrawal, I do it myself, but this is ridiculous.
10:46Imran
you took statement from my mouth and used them against me
huh?
what!
ok so have i been patient with you?
ok
right!
10:47Me
Wait a minute
10:47Imran
no i dont think i need to wait sukaina...
inshallah i will speak to you when i have a moment
10:48Me
lol why not? We're just discussing
this is not conflict
10:48Imran
it is
10:48Me
I'm confused, I need to ask things
and you're confused, and I shall reply as well
10:49Imran
hmmm
im confused!
lol
thats new
10:49Me
and even if it is conflict, sometimes it's necessary Irman. You can't keep avoiding the real world....
*Imran
10:49Imran
avoiding the real world?
haahahahha
what so you think i live in a fantasy
10:50Me
Well, ok, avoiding conflict and disagreement
10:50Imran
sukaina, i dont avoid conflict
10:50Me
And we all live in our built fantasy worlds, it's called perspective.
OK, so you don't
10:51Imran
hold up dont change the topic
10:51Me
I will try not to say otherwise
10:51Imran
i asked you to explain the message
10:51Me
I'm not changing the topic!!!!
10:51Imran
yes you are
10:51Me
OK, well which part of it is confusing?
10:51Imran
who said it was confusing!
i asked you to explain what you meant by the following statement
s*
you decided to bring the topic around me avoiding conflict, and avoiding the real world
10:53Me
that's how i talk, all over the palce, making links that most people find bewildering. Is that a diclaimer I should add before each convo?
10:53Imran
(sigh)
You are a confusing woman, sukaina!
10:54Me
Might I say the same, Imran? (man-boy, though)
10:54Imran
man-boy? WTF!!!!
10:54Me
Oh. Yes.
Most males are, so it's a generalisation
Nothing personal.
10:55Imran
Sukaina if i still play games, enjoy sports... and do everything that i still enjoy as a child
infact i am what every MALE MAN does at my age
he has a PS3
10:56Me
I'm not saying anything about that argh
Of course you all do
it's the tribal, clannish way of relating
10:56Imran
He meets his mate
he is unsure about getting married
10:56Me
well then why lie about it?
10:56Imran
because he would meet a woman, who is the exact copy of HIS MOTHER
lie about what?
10:57Me
LMAO
so who ahve you met who's exactly like your mum?
10:57Imran
YOU
thats why i am not looking for a mother, i am looking for a WIFE!
seriously sukaina!!!
10:58Me
WHAT? i thought I was my own mother.....
10:58Imran
ok...
10:58Me
OK so pelase be clear
10:58Imran
No sukaina....
there you go again...
I didnt want to change the topic
lets start from the TOP shall we
10:58Me
OK
10:59Imran
I asked you to explian the message you sent me, with particular interest to the statements you made
now explain or this will be my last time we speak
Fine.
11:00Me
wait
jesus
Imran, Immy, Manu whatever..... please do get off your high horse
Confidence is good, arrogance, not-so-much
11:01Imran
Sukaina... stick to the question!
11:01Me
Well, don't throw these ultimatums
it's not nice
11:01Imran
Sukaina... I have been patient with you for a long time...
Most guys would have walked away a long time ago
11:01Me
OK, let's talk about that first please
becasue I am so self-involved, I can't see what you're seeing
11:02Imran
so if i set an ultimatum, its relative to the time we have known one another!
11:02Me
barely a month
how is that long enough?
11:02Imran
Its relative
now explain
you have a minute!
11:03Me
Imran
please tell me how you've been patient and how is it that it's so piss taking?
11:03Imran
sukaina i asked a very simple and relatively easy question...
will you answer it!
11:03Me
OK
11:03Imran
If you dont have a response say so
Which is possibly why I feel like your dog/bitch right about now.
11:04Me
Right OK
I can do that
11:04Imran
This is the statement
11:04Me
I feel confused
11:04Imran
"Which is possibly why I feel like your dog/bitch right about now."
This is the statement
11:05Me
I haven't a clue what I am doing that is causing you to be "patient" with me
so maybe now you'd respond with all tha stuff I'm doing that is frustrating you
11:05Imran
why do you feel that i have treated you like a dog!
as you put it
11:05Me
well, it's like come here boy in the beginning
and then back off since the past week or so
then a random Youtube post and a Salaam
a little inconsistent
11:06Imran
ok
and...
11:07Me
and it's confusing me
11:07Imran
how?
11:07Me
How?
11:07Imran
yes, HOW?
11:07Me
To me, BACK OFF means BACK OFF
11:07Imran
evidently not!
11:08Me
what do you mean evidently not?
11:08Imran
but continue
continue sukaina!
11:08Me
no... how does Back off NOT mean Back off?
11:09Imran
when have i told you to back off?
11:11Me
You have indicated so by you're own admittance of having a very laid back attitude to most things, the lack of response to emails and texts (which you started btw)... the very cerebral way of looking at things and not thinking that if someone is acting like a complete moronic idiot, you should either pull the plug and put them out of their misery or at least be forthcoming as to why you're being so distant.
Like, all the attention in the beginning, I slowly gain trust in you and BAM! Nothing. Static.
11:12Me
I'm done with this part of the message..... any thoughts?
11:14Imran
hmmm
To respond, i think this is my way of behaving1
11:16Imran
i dont look it at the like that, but to to say that i make you feel like a dog and to explain to me that you feel like that is because of my lack in respond to you as a reason does not collerate
Sukaina if i dont respond to you doesnt not mean that i am not interested in you
i was and am still interested in getting to know you
11:19Imran
but you seem to have this ANTI-MAN/BOY shield that you put up when you feel threated and you give me the impression that you will never trust another man ever!
11:19Me
lol
Well, I think I have told you as much. To me, acknowledging and accepting that I have this shield means that I know it is there and am working on it.
11:20Imran
no seriously you sometimes stump me in my tracks with your eloquent use of words, but the statements come across like you enjoy creating enemies!
11:20Me
Well, I don't.
If you want to assume that about me... well.... that says something about you rather than me :P
11:21Imran
Ok let me test you on your ability to trust me
i will give you a scenario
you tell me how you feel
when you read it
ok
11:22Me
OK, although simulations are never accurate. One can never know how one wil react until put smack in the middle of a situation. But, OK, go ahead with the social experiment.
11:23Imran
i am regretting already by continuing this conversation
but alas
11:23Me
lol
what is it with you? learn to laugh at yourself :D
He's laughing at us all the way from up there - we might as well join Him in the hilarity
11:24Imran
hmmm
11:24Me
chalo
come on.... out with the scenario already...
11:25Imran
i need a coffee!
give me a second
11:25Me
you're not being serious! lmao ahahahaha
fine lemme k now when you get back lmao
11:25Imran
actually 5/7 mins
11:34Imran
ok
so...
scenario
11:34Me
yup
11:35Imran
as this is hypothetical
you and i are a married couple
i tell you that i am away on a trip to the US
for business for a week
on a conference
i give you all the details
but i forget my charger for my phone
what would you do?
11:36Me
?
you forget the charger for your phone....
11:37Imran
read it again sukaina!
11:37Me
I read it......
11:37Imran
yes
and...
11:37Me
but you're goign to be on business, you need a phone, you'll buy one in the States
doh
11:37Imran
what would you do if you wanted to get in touch with me
11:37Me
I mean a charger
11:37Imran
nope
11:37Me
well why not?
11:37Imran
i have a business phone
11:37Me
ah
11:37Imran
mobile one
11:38Me
that's a tough one
i'd wait till you got in touch with me?
Jesus I don't know
11:38Imran
hmm
what if i said that i was staying an extra week
11:38Me
I probably would freak after day 3 if you hadn't contacted me
11:38Imran
and i didnt call you during the entire week either
:)
11:39Me
Wow..... true Saggitarian, you are :P
I would hope you'd know better than to not do that non communciation thing
but then.. you are YOU
11:40Imran
hmmm
11:40Me
I don't think I'd be able to ahndle an entire extra week of non communciation
11:40Imran
interesting...
11:40Me
Even an email or text would suffice
11:40Imran
sure...
ok i think thats the scenario finished
11:41Me
but zilch communication for no reasonable reason....? Don't think I'd be able to handle it.... in the sense, I'd get angry and feel very abandoned
OOK
11:42Imran
If i was in your situation...
i would send an email...
and wait...
11:43Me
Yes, we can see how great that turns out for me. And anyway, you're not in my situation and anyway, if you were in my situation, you would act differently and ANYWAY no one can predict hwo they will act until they are in teh situation
11:43Imran
or better still order a charger to be delivered to my hotel using the CC i gave you...
11:43Me
because who knows, maybe I'm ahvign a fling and that extra week is the icing on the cake.... :P
11:43Imran
true
hmmmm
If you had a fling, i wouldnt care...
11:44Me
I knwo you wouldn't
that's what's worrying
11:44Imran
why?
You know at the time of death, the most painful part during the extraction of the soul
is the part where the attachement to this world and its luxuries is the hardest part to leave behind
thats why death is so painful for some
11:46Me
I don't really like being forced into quoting religious stuff
11:46Imran
its not religious stuff sukaina!
11:46Me
but since we're doing it and it is part of our reality, Imam Ali says that jealousy is halal in a man and haraam for a woman
because Plygamy is allowed and plyandry is forbidden
*polyandry
11:47Imran
nice to know..
did you change your profile pic?
11:47Me
I udnerstand the POV even if I don't agree
I thnk I have, why?
11:48Imran
digg it
11:48Me
I know :P
11:48Imran
who is sobia Ali?
and youre in an open realtionship with her! LMAO
11:49Me
Why?
Ahhhh
11:50Me
Well, we've decided if we have too many stupid man-boys wrecking our self esteem and being twattish in general, I'm moving back to Pakiland and hooking up with her.... I give myself 10 more years of this ****
Anyway, she's a good friend who stuck with me even more during my bad times, instead of running away like some other people have...
11:52Imran
hmmm
and can you stop referring to us men as MAN-BIYS
*o
11:52Me
why does it offend so? :)
11:53Imran
it doesnt bug if you are stating
me*
lol
11:54Me
huh?
no compreno
11:56Imran
dont worry
its cool
a question...
11:56Me
oh so it's ok for you not to explain but not for me...
fire away..
11:56Imran
if i invited you to meet my family, would you?
my immediate family
11:57Me
Yes.... but when I was feeling more confident
I haven't even met you. As far as I can recall. Have we met??? ;)
11:58Imran
lol
nope
not that i recall
11:59Me
But you must be aware that I am quite different
and family scenarios can freak me out...
but that's way in the future..... but I am giving you a heads up
Not relevant, another aside to be talked about later on, perhaps....so, if is it OK for humble Little Miss Female to ask you something and expect a response? :)
12:00Imran
sure
ask away!
12:01Me
Damn I forgot... oh wait
12:02Me
yeah... so what parts of my behaviour since day one have you found yourself ahving to be "patient" about.... I want full details. This is the constructive feedback I have to get regardless of how it will hurt Ego because I want to learn from it.
12:03Imran
sukaina...
Your language needs to be a notch less rude...
12:04Me
awwww
Sorry
It's called formal english..... defencesa re up!
OK
Please tell me how I have been screwing up....
better?
12:04Imran
sukaina... i like the fact you are witty
12:05Me
but it's also a curse
I know
12:05Imran
infact my sisters will love you for it
but my mother she's old school
i dont mind a dressing down, but i know i will overcome as i will always have the final say...
;)
lol
12:06Me
God, I feel the ball and chain closing in all over again... seriously..... shudder
12:06Imran
lol
12:06Me
we both are too headstrong, that much is for SURE
12:06Imran
joking
lol
Infact i admire your language skills - if thats correct
I dont want a conflict with wife and mother over what she said, what you did...
that kind of nonsence
se*
12:08Me
Of course.
But it will happen.....
12:08Imran
doh...
12:08Me
If not frequently, it will happen occassionally
wel doh right back at you :P
12:09Imran
my advice to you...
12:09Me
See, this is why I want that white revert!
12:09Imran
hmmm really
12:09Me
lol yes really!
anyway what's the advice? I am genuinely seking it from you, especuially since you're giving it in a very "blase" manner.....
12:10Imran
would you prefer a sugar coating!
12:11Me
Yes, I would. But I'd probably beenfit from you jsut saying it the way you would to someone you care about improving their spiritual evolution.....
12:11Imran
hey i am not perfect...
i have issues with attachement
12:11Me
Well, it would be nice if you didn't pretend you thought you were :)
12:12Imran
as Sheldon Cooper - from the big bang theory puts it...
i enjoy the company of myself ""
12:12Me
Ditto.
Anyway, your advice was.... sans le sucre, s'il te plait
12:13Imran
if you ever get in a situation that you know you can win easily, walk away!
a - it will lead to a conflict
b - your view of the individual will drop further that you will become haughty
lastly c - you will become proud that you have overcome another without hurting their feelings... that my lady will require you to answer on the DOJ
simple... meerkat.com style!
sorry error
you will hurt their feelings...
i stress you WILL, bacause you evidently are capable of doing so...
true?
12:17Me
OK, this was the general. Of course, being general, it's flown over my head. Any chance I could ask you to give a concrete example?
12:18Imran
ohh fuck
ok
12:19Me
Oi, no swearing! lol
12:19Imran
you can talk!
missy!
12:19Me
lol ;)
fair enough, touché
12:20Imran
Your collegue who offered you that cake.. do you recall?
12:20Me
Which colleague?
12:20Imran
grrr
12:20Me
What?
12:20Imran
um when you were fasting...
remember
12:20Me
Yes....
12:21Imran
you are a goldfish!
lol
12:21Me
I am not!
I jsut don't get random references without names palces times... :P
12:21Imran
right?! :$
12:21Me
I was fasting.... and soemone offered me cookies and cupcakes, that was my manager... go on....
12:22Imran
this time she says something about your scarf...
like, why do you wear it?
and starts openly mocking it...
12:22Me
But she knows why I wear it :P
OK#
12:22Imran
an example WOMAN!
lol
12:22Me
ok ok ok well bloody EXPLAIN THAT, BOY!
12:23Imran
well chica... you need to stop jumping the gun then... hmm
:)
how would you react?
12:23Me
i listen
that's what i do
for teh chavs who jsut spit on me or junp on me, i extricate myself from the situation and then call them all twats
but if it's someone who's just steeped in ignorance i jsut listen
i smile and i nod
12:24Imran
lol
12:24Me
most of the time, I'm not looking to be a beacon for the Islamic Revolution
I sometimes want to stop wearing the hijab - just because...
12:25Me
but then I'm like: meh, whatever.... not a big difo. At the end of the day, I'm still brown, still female so I have all those classifications working against me, another one's just a bonus!
Does that answer your question which has nothing to do with what we were talking about but I'm sure we're meandering there.... somehow :)
12:26Imran
yep as usual
note to self... sukaina always divulges to other points of no relevance to the TOPIC!!!
:)
12:27Me
Noted. :)
Ugh
You kow what
HOENSTLY
if you'd jsut do yourself and me a huge favour
12:27Imran
yup
12:28Me
read up on INFP personality
12:28Imran
eating sweets btw
12:28Me
it will answer 80% of your dumbass questions
http://www.mypersonality.info/skyejacques
12:28Imran
well from one dumbass to another BIGGER DUMBASS, sure... inshallah
12:29Me
which sweets? not liquorice i hope - i thought I liked them but i had one the other day and it was awful
I thought I was a diva.... there's a difference, a diva knows when she's being one. A dumbass, on the other hand... ;)
And InshaAllah is Muslimspeak for NO..... I know it because I use it meself....
12:30Imran
Well to prove you wrong!!! Sukaina has a 63% chance of being an introvert during any given day/moment (remove as applicable)
as for you diva statement... pffftt
12:31Me
yes i just re did the quiz, the introversion was 98% a few months ago :P i have GROWN exponentially so don't assume that youknow everything...
12:32Imran
absolutely the same meaning! only difference is that its a gender orientated word!
12:32Me
nopes
but never mind
12:32Imran
hahahah...
12:32Me
so do you know your MBTi typing?
so what sweets are you eating?
12:33Imran
never said i did... but i like to think i do
MBTi?
12:34Me
the thing you were reading about personality..... the four lettered words that can be used deragatorily... like Imran swears: "Diva INFP!" and Sukaina curses that "ENTJ" (I'm guesstimating you're leaning towards that type)... :)
12:43Imran
ummm nope!
12:43Me
then?
12:44Imran
what is ENTJ?
12:44Me
ah forget it
goldfish
12:45Imran
ouch!
12:45Me
SCORE!
:)
12:45Imran
hey thats your alias now!
12:45Me
no way
hell no
12:45Imran
sukaina aka goldfish!
12:45Me
it's not based on the truth
diva, maybe.....
or even.... little miss stubborn
but not goldfish
i remember ALL
12:45Imran
oh no...
12:45Me
as you've told me yourself
12:46Imran
Goldfish it is...
12:46Me
Badtameez :p
the only good thing about you being monolignual is I swear in 5 languages :)
12:47Imran
dont worry i maybe a cocunut, but i do know the meanin
12:47Me
That was a nice one though grin
12:48Imran
do i have to agree? ok... you score!
again!!!
:)
12:48Me
haha. Not.
So we haven't finished dissecting my FB email to you
Quoi d'autre?
12:50Imran
nothings new at the moment
we have finished... i think you covered all the bases...
12:50Me
Okay.....
So what was the thought process behind the Youtube vid? And the SS salaam?
12:51Imran
hmmm...
the vid was supposed to make you giggle, evidently it back-fired1
!
sukaina, what happened to your ss profile?
12:52Me
Well, it did make me giggle.
But I thought it was supposed to say something. Obviously, that's too refiend a thought process for some people.
Well, WTF do you think happened to my SS profile?
12:53Imran
i just noticed!
Hey dont come back with a question, after i've asked one...
lol
12:53Me
I got p'd off and said meh, screw it....
12:53Imran
answer it woman!
lol
lmao
why/
have you found someone already?!!! hahahah...
12:54Me
Well, if you're the "best" I can find.... it's just not worth the angst..... I might just do it over to play with many, many man-boy heads :D
12:57Me
So, yes, you mentioned ages ago... and I'm just asking in a kid-like way, sicne we seem to be on the smae wavelength right about now.... how many girls contacted you on the basis of your pathetically inadequate profile? And FYI, we need more than witty, smart, blah blah..... - we need someone who's not a timid stallion, running forth and back at the slightest sound or little scuffle ...... ;)
12:57Imran
ouch!
hahahaha...
lol
honestly, quite a few girls...
but my ego aside...
12:58Me
must be scraping the bottom of the barrel, I say.... hmmmmm
12:58Imran
ouch1
lol
12:59Me
well, for most of us, this is our last hope..... :) do or die or get a menagerie
I added owls to my list......
12:59Imran
well i would rather have bottom feeders chasing me than none
12:59Me
ahahahahahahahahahahaha
did anyone tell you that your horse needed to be shortened? SERIOUSLY!
Confidence is one thing, but arrogance is a real TURN OFF
13:00Imran
lol
you can talk...
giving you a taste of your medicine woman!
such a Goldfish!!
13:01Me
I just talk the talk.... if I walked the walk, I'd have met you by now :P#
and waht exactly do you mean by that?
I have never even spoken about non-existent SS messages... you HAVE
13:01Imran
well youre good at interpreting things...
13:01Me
mis-interpreting....
good that that
13:01Imran
lol
hey dont come with cheap shots if i have a following...
doesnt mean i have a big head
its a fact...
but if you are asking me if i have responded...
then no!
13:03Me
No I wasn't asking that, I was going to - but, there, you've preempted.
And in silly boy fashion, you've made another faux pas.
They are humans.... firstly, suspend your profile if that's what you wish.
Secondly, just reply and tell them that you're married to your work and when you get a trial separation, you'll get back to them. ;)
13:04Imran
lol
lmao
i should do so...
but i enjoy the attention...
hahahahahaha
LMAO
13:04Me
that's what I did, except I think I wrote man-boy and turned them all away with that single phrase :) I only had two, and one was absolutely clueless so that doesn't count. Teh other was 22 and I'm thinking "I've had so much trouble with a 26 year old, that you ahve no chance in hell"
oh and there's one on Shiamatch that I'll never forget.... lol
He actually called me the D word
13:05Imran
D word?
13:05Me
DEVIL
13:06Imran
ouch!
lol
13:06Me
but there's a whole story behind it
13:06Imran
what did you do?
hahahaha...
13:06Me
i just innocently suggested that if someone is making anti-Iran remarks, doesn't necessarily mean they are anti-Islam
of course, he was half Persian and compeltely disowned his maternal Pakistani side
jeez it was FUNNNNN riling him up :D
I have the chat convo saved and refer back to it when I'm down
13:07Imran
sukaina not only are you a complicated woman..
you also enjoy winding people up... eventually leading them to dislike you...
13:08Me
i'm kidding
i was beign very sincere and just talking....
13:08Imran
you had me once and that will be the last time you ever get me!
13:08Me
i wasn't winding him up at all
when was that? yes, ok, Goldfish
13:08Imran
sukaina... i have you sussed woman
13:08Me
so when was the time I had you???????
13:08Imran
i know your type of character
13:09Me
which is????
13:09Imran
never shall i tell
13:09Me
Imran.
13:09Imran
but thats a last...
13:09Me
Please
and there's no such thing as not being charmingly naive twice ;)
please tell me, you have to sandwich feedback... good, bad, good ... gimme some good please
13:10Imran
nope, you will use that as an offense and try to manipulate any situation using that particular moment in the future
so no...
13:10Me
I doubt I will
13:10Imran
lol
13:10Me
and you will call me on it anyway
so if you're secure in yourself
13:10Imran
hey i dont bring up old crap...
i look to the future...
13:10Me
you will be nice and charming and tell me
13:10Imran
on that note...
13:10Me
we learn from history
13:11Imran
i would like request if we could meet...
is that possible?
13:11Me
take a rsik, pick up your balls and tell me first
it is of course possible. but now i have a bee in my bonnet.....
13:11Imran
i like to leave my balls dangling, whilst they function adequetly
13:11Me
lol
anyway, leaving that image wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy away
please tell me
13:12Imran
nope!
nada!
never!
:)
i am actually enjoying this...
lol
13:12Me
i can tell
13:13Imran
can we meet?
13:13Me
yes
but chaperoned as perviously emphasised
*previously
13:14Imran
but this time you bring a friend...
and we meet at a coffee shop
13:14Me
no friend wants to come wit hme :P
13:14Imran
Where is good for you...
13:14Me
i dont h ave that many lol
13:14Imran
lol
ok...
hmmmm
13:14Me
and i don't frink coffee, can't you tell I'm a herabl tea drinking hippee
*drink
i ahve an aunt-like frien who ahs agreed
13:14Imran
just bring you, yourself and your goldfish mind!
then...
13:15Me
she's the one who lives in Rickmansworth
13:15Imran
ok
13:15Me
but i'm thinking, if you believe in istekharas.....and you think you have me sussed
why?
in a very cerebral type of way
13:16Imran
im curious...
is that a reason
13:17Me
it's a skittish, impuslive reason
*impulsive
apparently, you'll get bored and move on
this is going to sound reallllllllly weird, but well..... still going to say it
i think you'd make an excellent brother lmao
do your brothers/sisters think that?
13:19Imran
very weird...
lol
i dunno...
i guess i have all the qualities...
13:20Me
dumbass. check
anyway
you didn't even finish the advice giving session
so the manager starts whaling on me about my wearing hijab....how does that fit in with scrolling up
13:20Imran
i dont have anymore advice...
i have all the answers i need
13:21Me
which are?
and what do you mean you have me sussed..... you can't have anyone sussed... i thought i had you figured out and you graciously shattered all those illusions...... we don't even know what lies underneath our own subconscious. FYI.
that's why all relationships are illusions, even the one we have with our own selves.
13:24Me
Floating alone in the world with only part of what we need to live an integrated life, our ego convinces us to shun the other half of ourselves, ignoring the totality of who we are.
And then he went MIA.
JEEZ....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The thing that really pisses me off is that he kept on saying that I "enjoy making enemies" - fuck off, man-boy. You don't know a thing about me and you're happy going along with your life the way you want.
Moving off all the way to Feltham.... argh... argh... argh... near Hounslow - irony!
Well, moving onto metta-bhavana:
"May I be healthy, may I be happy, may I be free from suffering, may I accept myself regardless of what happens in my life. Or how I utterly fuck up!
"May Imran be healthy, may Imran be happy, may Imran find abundance wherever he is, may you find new levels of knowing God, may you find your Eve to your Adam, may you be happy!"
And, finally, the random quotes I look for on www.al-islam.org for inspiration:
If you expect someone to do more than he is able to do, then expect him to fail you by as much as you have exceeded his capacity.
Imam Ali (a)
And so, I just reactivated FB in order to put that as my staus.
I am incorrigible :P
Tarzan keeps asking me how I feel in my body. Right now, I feel a burning pain. In my neck, waves and waves of burning pain. And whenever I've written him the texts or the emails "letting him go", my left arm starts with the mercury type of feeling sweeping inside.
I feel rotten for treating him like I have treated him. Poke, poke, poke. Punch, punch, punch. And all I want is to merge. But is he just convenient? I don't know if I like HIM for being HIM. It's an IMAGE, Sukaina, an IMAGE. A projection.
Argh.
I cannot let myself do that because I feel that I know it's too good to be true, that I will get hurt and he will hurt me. When I saw the first blurry, webcam photo of him, I looked at his jawline and these thoughts popped up: he must look exactly like his father, and he looks like he would physically beat me to a pulp when angry. He will physically hit me."
Now I am not pretending that I am intuitive the way certain friends of mine are, but those are the first thoughts that came up and my heart froze, it felt like a steel vice clamp had wrapped itself around it and bled it a little.
And other than that fear, there's nothing else. I feel safe with him. It's always been like that. I mean, why else would I keep prodding him and pushing him? I'm, in a way, trying to see if he will take me for all my ugliness, the "whole" rather than just the "good". I'm not sure if he does, but who cares Sukaina????
He dumped you and you agreed that it was a wise decision.
Let's see if the new girl in my life can help me make less of a fuck up situation than I've made already. She could tell how tall he is and said he had good energy, a good profession and was "sober" - I would have said "seedha" but he's not that either....
This is why: we both pretend to be moral and noble, but we swear like street kids ;)
Our chat on Fri, 8/10/10 8:42 -----
Sukaina (8:03): Salaam... you're on here early
Sukaina (8:12): Did I ever tell you I was teased about my surname?
Sukaina (8:13): Because I grew up in Pakistan - I was called Sukaina Friday / Jumma constantly
Sukaina (8:13): So much so I went through a phase of calling myself Sukaina Mohammadali (my grandfather's name)
Sukaina (8:14): The reason I bring this up is I received an email yesterday from a Pakistani- origin counsellor with whom I have a Skype appointment today, and she's written Sukaina Jumma.... it was really not cool of her
Sukaina (8:14): lol
Sukaina (8:16): But then, I've been reading The Sayings and Wisdom of Imam Ali and he says... *drumroll* "If you hear words that hurt you, then bow your head before them and they will miss you"
Sukaina (8:16): Methinks that is very interesting..... hmmmm
Sukaina (8:16): BTW in case you haven't noticed, I just love talking to myself...
Imran Lakha (8:19): Salaam sukaina
Sukaina (8:19): Ws Imran
Imran Lakha (8:19): I'm on my way to work as you type
Sukaina (8:19): Okie dokie I shall continue my monologue in my head then
Imran Lakha (8:19): No
Imran Lakha (8:20): Its kool
Sukaina (8:20): So, how are you?
Imran Lakha (8:20): Alh
Imran Lakha (8:20): You?
Sukaina (8:20): Pas mal....
Sukaina (8:20): It's cloudy again
Imran Lakha (8:20): Yeh I know
Imran Lakha (8:21): Although it will get better
Sukaina (8:21): Hmmmm.....
Sukaina (8:21): interesting
Sukaina (8:21): lol
Imran Lakha (8:21): (Shakes head)
Sukaina (8:22): So where is the new place *coughs and corrects posture and makes tone all superior- like* property you and your brother will be situating yourselves into the following week?
Imran Lakha (8:23): In feltham
Imran Lakha (8:23): A nice area
Sukaina (8:23): uhm hmm
Sukaina (8:24): What colour t- shirt are you wearing today?
Imran Lakha (8:24): Shirt, white
Sukaina (8:24): LOl - you couldn't get further away from London if you tried.....
Sukaina (8:25): I thought it was casual Friday....
Imran Lakha (8:25): I thought the same
Imran Lakha (8:25): But hey lifes a choot
Sukaina (8:26): I so shouldn't have Googled that word You shoulda put a disclaimer... grr. Mysogynist
Imran Lakha (8:27): You don't sound l
Imran Lakha (8:27): Sorr
Imran Lakha (8:27): Sorry
Sukaina (8:27): lol
Imran Lakha (8:28):
Sukaina (8:29): What were you saying before? "You don't sound I.."
Imran Lakha (8:29): Sorry can't multitask to save my life
Imran Lakha (8:30): Getting a coffee and typing is not good
Sukaina (8:30): Then why even attempt it?
Imran Lakha (8:30): Hmmmm
Sukaina (8:30): BTW, exactly how many coffees do you drink in a day?
Imran Lakha (8:31): Well based on your frequency of messages... Quite a bit why?
Sukaina (8:31): lol... what? ? ? ?
Sukaina (8:31): Expliquez
Imran Lakha (8:31): Agrhhhhhh
Sukaina (8:31): lmao
Imran Lakha (8:32): ok
Sukaina (8:32): OK, wait I think I got it
Sukaina (8:32): You're multi tasking because I'm typinf a lot
Sukaina (8:32): and you drink a lot of coffee....
Imran Lakha (8:32): Yes
Sukaina (8:32): Me is smart
Imran Lakha (8:32): Yes
Imran Lakha (8:32): No
Imran Lakha (8:32): Lol
Sukaina (8:33):
Imran Lakha (8:33): JokE
Imran Lakha (8:33):
Sukaina (8:34): I can take a joke..... I so can take a joke
Imran Lakha (8:34):
Sukaina (8:34): You see, I keep my Ego in a tiny cage and let it out for special occassions - usually when dealing with neandertahl males
Sukaina (8:34): *neanderthal
Imran Lakha (8:35): Ok
Sukaina (8:35):
Sukaina (8:35): So which brother do you live with? The Tenerife- raver, the cute little kid (Akber) or the other one (Abbas)?
Imran Lakha (8:36): How in Gods name do you know em?
Sukaina (8:36): Use the grey matter......
Imran Lakha (8:36): someone told you
Imran Lakha (8:37): Or you enquired and got an answer
Sukaina (8:37): Hmmmm... interesting
Imran Lakha (8:37): Yes
Imran Lakha (8:37): Certainly
Sukaina (8:37): Me being all anti- Khoja... I'd so do that, right?
Sukaina (8:38): "Aunty, there's this chhokro (guy) called Imran Lakha and I must know ALL there is to know about him....
Sukaina (8:38): LMAO
Imran Lakha (8:38): Who did you speak too?
Sukaina (8:39):
Imran Lakha (8:39): Hmmm
Imran Lakha (8:39): You know I can do one better
Sukaina (8:39): It's very simple.... but you're acting liek a complete and utter goldfish right now
Sukaina (8:39): Oh yeah? What?
Sukaina (8:40): *is so ready to take you on*
Sukaina (8:40):
Imran Lakha (8:40): Are you sure?
Sukaina (8:40): I'm never sure, even you know that
Sukaina (8:41): But, I'll try anything once, eh?
Imran Lakha (8:41): Hmmmm very interesting!
Sukaina (8:41): Oh. Yes. Indeedy.
Sukaina (8:41): So, waht is this challenge you propose?
Imran Lakha (8:41): so I take my bow
Imran Lakha (8:41): Khz
Sukaina (8:41): What?
Sukaina (8:42): Okie.....
Sukaina (8:42): Kh
And there's no privacy being erased or secrets being revealed here. We were talking as "friends" not as "lovers"....
I do miss being teased and pursued and....
Oh, let me paste one more chat that made me feel sooo good but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him:
mran
Salaam Sukaina
how are you?
10:38Me
wa alaikum as salaam Imran
10:39Imran
interesting response to my message..hmmm
10:39Me
I am okay... how are you?
10:39Imran
alh...
10:39Me
again with the interesting and the hmmm......
quit it alreadY! :P
10:39Imran
hey its a habit...
10:39Me
ok fair enough.... :)
10:39Imran
so i read your message
mixed messages...hmmm
interestingly i didnt mean it like that
i was sending you a funny depiction of a common occurence whilst on FB
10:40Me
so why couldn't you say that instead of writing FYI?
i just didn't see the relevance
10:41Imran
hmmm
interesting!
inshallah i'll remember that next time if i decide to ever send you something... :)
10:42Me
lol
10:42Imran
Which is possibly why I feel like your dog/bitch right about now.
what was this?
10:42Me
please do remember that WHEN you send me something next time
Oh God, if i have to explain what seems perfectly clear to me....
meh....
10:42Imran
meh?
no explain it sukaina!
10:43Me
Yes. M.E.H.
Anyway, you're at work, as I recall.
10:43Imran
No sukaina
dont change the topic!
10:43Me
No time for frivolities, as I remember.
10:44Imran
no this time i have the time
to listen
as always i am curious as to what you think of me and how i come across
explain...
10:44Me
Maybe it is beter for you to talk...
so why did you send me that random Youtube thingy?
apart from what you already said
10:45Imran
Be a doll, quit the Mr Hyde act and return to your Dr Jekyll emailing. You can express yourself very well when you want to. You have my digits, if you feel that's better way to say whatever it is you're trying to say.
no sukaina explain
10:45Me
Explain what? Honestly, what part of it don't you udnerstand?
10:46Imran
do i come across as the hyde/jekyl complex?
seriously?!
all of it sukaina!
10:46Me
Y.E.S. You do come across as that. I udnerstand withdrawal, I do it myself, but this is ridiculous.
10:46Imran
you took statement from my mouth and used them against me
huh?
what!
ok so have i been patient with you?
ok
right!
10:47Me
Wait a minute
10:47Imran
no i dont think i need to wait sukaina...
inshallah i will speak to you when i have a moment
10:48Me
lol why not? We're just discussing
this is not conflict
10:48Imran
it is
10:48Me
I'm confused, I need to ask things
and you're confused, and I shall reply as well
10:49Imran
hmmm
im confused!
lol
thats new
10:49Me
and even if it is conflict, sometimes it's necessary Irman. You can't keep avoiding the real world....
*Imran
10:49Imran
avoiding the real world?
haahahahha
what so you think i live in a fantasy
10:50Me
Well, ok, avoiding conflict and disagreement
10:50Imran
sukaina, i dont avoid conflict
10:50Me
And we all live in our built fantasy worlds, it's called perspective.
OK, so you don't
10:51Imran
hold up dont change the topic
10:51Me
I will try not to say otherwise
10:51Imran
i asked you to explain the message
10:51Me
I'm not changing the topic!!!!
10:51Imran
yes you are
10:51Me
OK, well which part of it is confusing?
10:51Imran
who said it was confusing!
i asked you to explain what you meant by the following statement
s*
you decided to bring the topic around me avoiding conflict, and avoiding the real world
10:53Me
that's how i talk, all over the palce, making links that most people find bewildering. Is that a diclaimer I should add before each convo?
10:53Imran
(sigh)
You are a confusing woman, sukaina!
10:54Me
Might I say the same, Imran? (man-boy, though)
10:54Imran
man-boy? WTF!!!!
10:54Me
Oh. Yes.
Most males are, so it's a generalisation
Nothing personal.
10:55Imran
Sukaina if i still play games, enjoy sports... and do everything that i still enjoy as a child
infact i am what every MALE MAN does at my age
he has a PS3
10:56Me
I'm not saying anything about that argh
Of course you all do
it's the tribal, clannish way of relating
10:56Imran
He meets his mate
he is unsure about getting married
10:56Me
well then why lie about it?
10:56Imran
because he would meet a woman, who is the exact copy of HIS MOTHER
lie about what?
10:57Me
LMAO
so who ahve you met who's exactly like your mum?
10:57Imran
YOU
thats why i am not looking for a mother, i am looking for a WIFE!
seriously sukaina!!!
10:58Me
WHAT? i thought I was my own mother.....
10:58Imran
ok...
10:58Me
OK so pelase be clear
10:58Imran
No sukaina....
there you go again...
I didnt want to change the topic
lets start from the TOP shall we
10:58Me
OK
10:59Imran
I asked you to explian the message you sent me, with particular interest to the statements you made
now explain or this will be my last time we speak
Fine.
11:00Me
wait
jesus
Imran, Immy, Manu whatever..... please do get off your high horse
Confidence is good, arrogance, not-so-much
11:01Imran
Sukaina... stick to the question!
11:01Me
Well, don't throw these ultimatums
it's not nice
11:01Imran
Sukaina... I have been patient with you for a long time...
Most guys would have walked away a long time ago
11:01Me
OK, let's talk about that first please
becasue I am so self-involved, I can't see what you're seeing
11:02Imran
so if i set an ultimatum, its relative to the time we have known one another!
11:02Me
barely a month
how is that long enough?
11:02Imran
Its relative
now explain
you have a minute!
11:03Me
Imran
please tell me how you've been patient and how is it that it's so piss taking?
11:03Imran
sukaina i asked a very simple and relatively easy question...
will you answer it!
11:03Me
OK
11:03Imran
If you dont have a response say so
Which is possibly why I feel like your dog/bitch right about now.
11:04Me
Right OK
I can do that
11:04Imran
This is the statement
11:04Me
I feel confused
11:04Imran
"Which is possibly why I feel like your dog/bitch right about now."
This is the statement
11:05Me
I haven't a clue what I am doing that is causing you to be "patient" with me
so maybe now you'd respond with all tha stuff I'm doing that is frustrating you
11:05Imran
why do you feel that i have treated you like a dog!
as you put it
11:05Me
well, it's like come here boy in the beginning
and then back off since the past week or so
then a random Youtube post and a Salaam
a little inconsistent
11:06Imran
ok
and...
11:07Me
and it's confusing me
11:07Imran
how?
11:07Me
How?
11:07Imran
yes, HOW?
11:07Me
To me, BACK OFF means BACK OFF
11:07Imran
evidently not!
11:08Me
what do you mean evidently not?
11:08Imran
but continue
continue sukaina!
11:08Me
no... how does Back off NOT mean Back off?
11:09Imran
when have i told you to back off?
11:11Me
You have indicated so by you're own admittance of having a very laid back attitude to most things, the lack of response to emails and texts (which you started btw)... the very cerebral way of looking at things and not thinking that if someone is acting like a complete moronic idiot, you should either pull the plug and put them out of their misery or at least be forthcoming as to why you're being so distant.
Like, all the attention in the beginning, I slowly gain trust in you and BAM! Nothing. Static.
11:12Me
I'm done with this part of the message..... any thoughts?
11:14Imran
hmmm
To respond, i think this is my way of behaving1
11:16Imran
i dont look it at the like that, but to to say that i make you feel like a dog and to explain to me that you feel like that is because of my lack in respond to you as a reason does not collerate
Sukaina if i dont respond to you doesnt not mean that i am not interested in you
i was and am still interested in getting to know you
11:19Imran
but you seem to have this ANTI-MAN/BOY shield that you put up when you feel threated and you give me the impression that you will never trust another man ever!
11:19Me
lol
Well, I think I have told you as much. To me, acknowledging and accepting that I have this shield means that I know it is there and am working on it.
11:20Imran
no seriously you sometimes stump me in my tracks with your eloquent use of words, but the statements come across like you enjoy creating enemies!
11:20Me
Well, I don't.
If you want to assume that about me... well.... that says something about you rather than me :P
11:21Imran
Ok let me test you on your ability to trust me
i will give you a scenario
you tell me how you feel
when you read it
ok
11:22Me
OK, although simulations are never accurate. One can never know how one wil react until put smack in the middle of a situation. But, OK, go ahead with the social experiment.
11:23Imran
i am regretting already by continuing this conversation
but alas
11:23Me
lol
what is it with you? learn to laugh at yourself :D
He's laughing at us all the way from up there - we might as well join Him in the hilarity
11:24Imran
hmmm
11:24Me
chalo
come on.... out with the scenario already...
11:25Imran
i need a coffee!
give me a second
11:25Me
you're not being serious! lmao ahahahaha
fine lemme k now when you get back lmao
11:25Imran
actually 5/7 mins
11:34Imran
ok
so...
scenario
11:34Me
yup
11:35Imran
as this is hypothetical
you and i are a married couple
i tell you that i am away on a trip to the US
for business for a week
on a conference
i give you all the details
but i forget my charger for my phone
what would you do?
11:36Me
?
you forget the charger for your phone....
11:37Imran
read it again sukaina!
11:37Me
I read it......
11:37Imran
yes
and...
11:37Me
but you're goign to be on business, you need a phone, you'll buy one in the States
doh
11:37Imran
what would you do if you wanted to get in touch with me
11:37Me
I mean a charger
11:37Imran
nope
11:37Me
well why not?
11:37Imran
i have a business phone
11:37Me
ah
11:37Imran
mobile one
11:38Me
that's a tough one
i'd wait till you got in touch with me?
Jesus I don't know
11:38Imran
hmm
what if i said that i was staying an extra week
11:38Me
I probably would freak after day 3 if you hadn't contacted me
11:38Imran
and i didnt call you during the entire week either
:)
11:39Me
Wow..... true Saggitarian, you are :P
I would hope you'd know better than to not do that non communciation thing
but then.. you are YOU
11:40Imran
hmmm
11:40Me
I don't think I'd be able to ahndle an entire extra week of non communciation
11:40Imran
interesting...
11:40Me
Even an email or text would suffice
11:40Imran
sure...
ok i think thats the scenario finished
11:41Me
but zilch communication for no reasonable reason....? Don't think I'd be able to handle it.... in the sense, I'd get angry and feel very abandoned
OOK
11:42Imran
If i was in your situation...
i would send an email...
and wait...
11:43Me
Yes, we can see how great that turns out for me. And anyway, you're not in my situation and anyway, if you were in my situation, you would act differently and ANYWAY no one can predict hwo they will act until they are in teh situation
11:43Imran
or better still order a charger to be delivered to my hotel using the CC i gave you...
11:43Me
because who knows, maybe I'm ahvign a fling and that extra week is the icing on the cake.... :P
11:43Imran
true
hmmmm
If you had a fling, i wouldnt care...
11:44Me
I knwo you wouldn't
that's what's worrying
11:44Imran
why?
You know at the time of death, the most painful part during the extraction of the soul
is the part where the attachement to this world and its luxuries is the hardest part to leave behind
thats why death is so painful for some
11:46Me
I don't really like being forced into quoting religious stuff
11:46Imran
its not religious stuff sukaina!
11:46Me
but since we're doing it and it is part of our reality, Imam Ali says that jealousy is halal in a man and haraam for a woman
because Plygamy is allowed and plyandry is forbidden
*polyandry
11:47Imran
nice to know..
did you change your profile pic?
11:47Me
I udnerstand the POV even if I don't agree
I thnk I have, why?
11:48Imran
digg it
11:48Me
I know :P
11:48Imran
who is sobia Ali?
and youre in an open realtionship with her! LMAO
11:49Me
Why?
Ahhhh
11:50Me
Well, we've decided if we have too many stupid man-boys wrecking our self esteem and being twattish in general, I'm moving back to Pakiland and hooking up with her.... I give myself 10 more years of this ****
Anyway, she's a good friend who stuck with me even more during my bad times, instead of running away like some other people have...
11:52Imran
hmmm
and can you stop referring to us men as MAN-BIYS
*o
11:52Me
why does it offend so? :)
11:53Imran
it doesnt bug if you are stating
me*
lol
11:54Me
huh?
no compreno
11:56Imran
dont worry
its cool
a question...
11:56Me
oh so it's ok for you not to explain but not for me...
fire away..
11:56Imran
if i invited you to meet my family, would you?
my immediate family
11:57Me
Yes.... but when I was feeling more confident
I haven't even met you. As far as I can recall. Have we met??? ;)
11:58Imran
lol
nope
not that i recall
11:59Me
But you must be aware that I am quite different
and family scenarios can freak me out...
but that's way in the future..... but I am giving you a heads up
Not relevant, another aside to be talked about later on, perhaps....so, if is it OK for humble Little Miss Female to ask you something and expect a response? :)
12:00Imran
sure
ask away!
12:01Me
Damn I forgot... oh wait
12:02Me
yeah... so what parts of my behaviour since day one have you found yourself ahving to be "patient" about.... I want full details. This is the constructive feedback I have to get regardless of how it will hurt Ego because I want to learn from it.
12:03Imran
sukaina...
Your language needs to be a notch less rude...
12:04Me
awwww
Sorry
It's called formal english..... defencesa re up!
OK
Please tell me how I have been screwing up....
better?
12:04Imran
sukaina... i like the fact you are witty
12:05Me
but it's also a curse
I know
12:05Imran
infact my sisters will love you for it
but my mother she's old school
i dont mind a dressing down, but i know i will overcome as i will always have the final say...
;)
lol
12:06Me
God, I feel the ball and chain closing in all over again... seriously..... shudder
12:06Imran
lol
12:06Me
we both are too headstrong, that much is for SURE
12:06Imran
joking
lol
Infact i admire your language skills - if thats correct
I dont want a conflict with wife and mother over what she said, what you did...
that kind of nonsence
se*
12:08Me
Of course.
But it will happen.....
12:08Imran
doh...
12:08Me
If not frequently, it will happen occassionally
wel doh right back at you :P
12:09Imran
my advice to you...
12:09Me
See, this is why I want that white revert!
12:09Imran
hmmm really
12:09Me
lol yes really!
anyway what's the advice? I am genuinely seking it from you, especuially since you're giving it in a very "blase" manner.....
12:10Imran
would you prefer a sugar coating!
12:11Me
Yes, I would. But I'd probably beenfit from you jsut saying it the way you would to someone you care about improving their spiritual evolution.....
12:11Imran
hey i am not perfect...
i have issues with attachement
12:11Me
Well, it would be nice if you didn't pretend you thought you were :)
12:12Imran
as Sheldon Cooper - from the big bang theory puts it...
i enjoy the company of myself ""
12:12Me
Ditto.
Anyway, your advice was.... sans le sucre, s'il te plait
12:13Imran
if you ever get in a situation that you know you can win easily, walk away!
a - it will lead to a conflict
b - your view of the individual will drop further that you will become haughty
lastly c - you will become proud that you have overcome another without hurting their feelings... that my lady will require you to answer on the DOJ
simple... meerkat.com style!
sorry error
you will hurt their feelings...
i stress you WILL, bacause you evidently are capable of doing so...
true?
12:17Me
OK, this was the general. Of course, being general, it's flown over my head. Any chance I could ask you to give a concrete example?
12:18Imran
ohh fuck
ok
12:19Me
Oi, no swearing! lol
12:19Imran
you can talk!
missy!
12:19Me
lol ;)
fair enough, touché
12:20Imran
Your collegue who offered you that cake.. do you recall?
12:20Me
Which colleague?
12:20Imran
grrr
12:20Me
What?
12:20Imran
um when you were fasting...
remember
12:20Me
Yes....
12:21Imran
you are a goldfish!
lol
12:21Me
I am not!
I jsut don't get random references without names palces times... :P
12:21Imran
right?! :$
12:21Me
I was fasting.... and soemone offered me cookies and cupcakes, that was my manager... go on....
12:22Imran
this time she says something about your scarf...
like, why do you wear it?
and starts openly mocking it...
12:22Me
But she knows why I wear it :P
OK#
12:22Imran
an example WOMAN!
lol
12:22Me
ok ok ok well bloody EXPLAIN THAT, BOY!
12:23Imran
well chica... you need to stop jumping the gun then... hmm
:)
how would you react?
12:23Me
i listen
that's what i do
for teh chavs who jsut spit on me or junp on me, i extricate myself from the situation and then call them all twats
but if it's someone who's just steeped in ignorance i jsut listen
i smile and i nod
12:24Imran
lol
12:24Me
most of the time, I'm not looking to be a beacon for the Islamic Revolution
I sometimes want to stop wearing the hijab - just because...
12:25Me
but then I'm like: meh, whatever.... not a big difo. At the end of the day, I'm still brown, still female so I have all those classifications working against me, another one's just a bonus!
Does that answer your question which has nothing to do with what we were talking about but I'm sure we're meandering there.... somehow :)
12:26Imran
yep as usual
note to self... sukaina always divulges to other points of no relevance to the TOPIC!!!
:)
12:27Me
Noted. :)
Ugh
You kow what
HOENSTLY
if you'd jsut do yourself and me a huge favour
12:27Imran
yup
12:28Me
read up on INFP personality
12:28Imran
eating sweets btw
12:28Me
it will answer 80% of your dumbass questions
http://www.mypersonality.info/skyejacques
12:28Imran
well from one dumbass to another BIGGER DUMBASS, sure... inshallah
12:29Me
which sweets? not liquorice i hope - i thought I liked them but i had one the other day and it was awful
I thought I was a diva.... there's a difference, a diva knows when she's being one. A dumbass, on the other hand... ;)
And InshaAllah is Muslimspeak for NO..... I know it because I use it meself....
12:30Imran
Well to prove you wrong!!! Sukaina has a 63% chance of being an introvert during any given day/moment (remove as applicable)
as for you diva statement... pffftt
12:31Me
yes i just re did the quiz, the introversion was 98% a few months ago :P i have GROWN exponentially so don't assume that youknow everything...
12:32Imran
absolutely the same meaning! only difference is that its a gender orientated word!
12:32Me
nopes
but never mind
12:32Imran
hahahah...
12:32Me
so do you know your MBTi typing?
so what sweets are you eating?
12:33Imran
never said i did... but i like to think i do
MBTi?
12:34Me
the thing you were reading about personality..... the four lettered words that can be used deragatorily... like Imran swears: "Diva INFP!" and Sukaina curses that "ENTJ" (I'm guesstimating you're leaning towards that type)... :)
12:43Imran
ummm nope!
12:43Me
then?
12:44Imran
what is ENTJ?
12:44Me
ah forget it
goldfish
12:45Imran
ouch!
12:45Me
SCORE!
:)
12:45Imran
hey thats your alias now!
12:45Me
no way
hell no
12:45Imran
sukaina aka goldfish!
12:45Me
it's not based on the truth
diva, maybe.....
or even.... little miss stubborn
but not goldfish
i remember ALL
12:45Imran
oh no...
12:45Me
as you've told me yourself
12:46Imran
Goldfish it is...
12:46Me
Badtameez :p
the only good thing about you being monolignual is I swear in 5 languages :)
12:47Imran
dont worry i maybe a cocunut, but i do know the meanin
12:47Me
That was a nice one though grin
12:48Imran
do i have to agree? ok... you score!
again!!!
:)
12:48Me
haha. Not.
So we haven't finished dissecting my FB email to you
Quoi d'autre?
12:50Imran
nothings new at the moment
we have finished... i think you covered all the bases...
12:50Me
Okay.....
So what was the thought process behind the Youtube vid? And the SS salaam?
12:51Imran
hmmm...
the vid was supposed to make you giggle, evidently it back-fired1
!
sukaina, what happened to your ss profile?
12:52Me
Well, it did make me giggle.
But I thought it was supposed to say something. Obviously, that's too refiend a thought process for some people.
Well, WTF do you think happened to my SS profile?
12:53Imran
i just noticed!
Hey dont come back with a question, after i've asked one...
lol
12:53Me
I got p'd off and said meh, screw it....
12:53Imran
answer it woman!
lol
lmao
why/
have you found someone already?!!! hahahah...
12:54Me
Well, if you're the "best" I can find.... it's just not worth the angst..... I might just do it over to play with many, many man-boy heads :D
12:57Me
So, yes, you mentioned ages ago... and I'm just asking in a kid-like way, sicne we seem to be on the smae wavelength right about now.... how many girls contacted you on the basis of your pathetically inadequate profile? And FYI, we need more than witty, smart, blah blah..... - we need someone who's not a timid stallion, running forth and back at the slightest sound or little scuffle ...... ;)
12:57Imran
ouch!
hahahaha...
lol
honestly, quite a few girls...
but my ego aside...
12:58Me
must be scraping the bottom of the barrel, I say.... hmmmmm
12:58Imran
ouch1
lol
12:59Me
well, for most of us, this is our last hope..... :) do or die or get a menagerie
I added owls to my list......
12:59Imran
well i would rather have bottom feeders chasing me than none
12:59Me
ahahahahahahahahahahaha
did anyone tell you that your horse needed to be shortened? SERIOUSLY!
Confidence is one thing, but arrogance is a real TURN OFF
13:00Imran
lol
you can talk...
giving you a taste of your medicine woman!
such a Goldfish!!
13:01Me
I just talk the talk.... if I walked the walk, I'd have met you by now :P#
and waht exactly do you mean by that?
I have never even spoken about non-existent SS messages... you HAVE
13:01Imran
well youre good at interpreting things...
13:01Me
mis-interpreting....
good that that
13:01Imran
lol
hey dont come with cheap shots if i have a following...
doesnt mean i have a big head
its a fact...
but if you are asking me if i have responded...
then no!
13:03Me
No I wasn't asking that, I was going to - but, there, you've preempted.
And in silly boy fashion, you've made another faux pas.
They are humans.... firstly, suspend your profile if that's what you wish.
Secondly, just reply and tell them that you're married to your work and when you get a trial separation, you'll get back to them. ;)
13:04Imran
lol
lmao
i should do so...
but i enjoy the attention...
hahahahahaha
LMAO
13:04Me
that's what I did, except I think I wrote man-boy and turned them all away with that single phrase :) I only had two, and one was absolutely clueless so that doesn't count. Teh other was 22 and I'm thinking "I've had so much trouble with a 26 year old, that you ahve no chance in hell"
oh and there's one on Shiamatch that I'll never forget.... lol
He actually called me the D word
13:05Imran
D word?
13:05Me
DEVIL
13:06Imran
ouch!
lol
13:06Me
but there's a whole story behind it
13:06Imran
what did you do?
hahahaha...
13:06Me
i just innocently suggested that if someone is making anti-Iran remarks, doesn't necessarily mean they are anti-Islam
of course, he was half Persian and compeltely disowned his maternal Pakistani side
jeez it was FUNNNNN riling him up :D
I have the chat convo saved and refer back to it when I'm down
13:07Imran
sukaina not only are you a complicated woman..
you also enjoy winding people up... eventually leading them to dislike you...
13:08Me
i'm kidding
i was beign very sincere and just talking....
13:08Imran
you had me once and that will be the last time you ever get me!
13:08Me
i wasn't winding him up at all
when was that? yes, ok, Goldfish
13:08Imran
sukaina... i have you sussed woman
13:08Me
so when was the time I had you???????
13:08Imran
i know your type of character
13:09Me
which is????
13:09Imran
never shall i tell
13:09Me
Imran.
13:09Imran
but thats a last...
13:09Me
Please
and there's no such thing as not being charmingly naive twice ;)
please tell me, you have to sandwich feedback... good, bad, good ... gimme some good please
13:10Imran
nope, you will use that as an offense and try to manipulate any situation using that particular moment in the future
so no...
13:10Me
I doubt I will
13:10Imran
lol
13:10Me
and you will call me on it anyway
so if you're secure in yourself
13:10Imran
hey i dont bring up old crap...
i look to the future...
13:10Me
you will be nice and charming and tell me
13:10Imran
on that note...
13:10Me
we learn from history
13:11Imran
i would like request if we could meet...
is that possible?
13:11Me
take a rsik, pick up your balls and tell me first
it is of course possible. but now i have a bee in my bonnet.....
13:11Imran
i like to leave my balls dangling, whilst they function adequetly
13:11Me
lol
anyway, leaving that image wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy away
please tell me
13:12Imran
nope!
nada!
never!
:)
i am actually enjoying this...
lol
13:12Me
i can tell
13:13Imran
can we meet?
13:13Me
yes
but chaperoned as perviously emphasised
*previously
13:14Imran
but this time you bring a friend...
and we meet at a coffee shop
13:14Me
no friend wants to come wit hme :P
13:14Imran
Where is good for you...
13:14Me
i dont h ave that many lol
13:14Imran
lol
ok...
hmmmm
13:14Me
and i don't frink coffee, can't you tell I'm a herabl tea drinking hippee
*drink
i ahve an aunt-like frien who ahs agreed
13:14Imran
just bring you, yourself and your goldfish mind!
then...
13:15Me
she's the one who lives in Rickmansworth
13:15Imran
ok
13:15Me
but i'm thinking, if you believe in istekharas.....and you think you have me sussed
why?
in a very cerebral type of way
13:16Imran
im curious...
is that a reason
13:17Me
it's a skittish, impuslive reason
*impulsive
apparently, you'll get bored and move on
this is going to sound reallllllllly weird, but well..... still going to say it
i think you'd make an excellent brother lmao
do your brothers/sisters think that?
13:19Imran
very weird...
lol
i dunno...
i guess i have all the qualities...
13:20Me
dumbass. check
anyway
you didn't even finish the advice giving session
so the manager starts whaling on me about my wearing hijab....how does that fit in with scrolling up
13:20Imran
i dont have anymore advice...
i have all the answers i need
13:21Me
which are?
and what do you mean you have me sussed..... you can't have anyone sussed... i thought i had you figured out and you graciously shattered all those illusions...... we don't even know what lies underneath our own subconscious. FYI.
that's why all relationships are illusions, even the one we have with our own selves.
13:24Me
Floating alone in the world with only part of what we need to live an integrated life, our ego convinces us to shun the other half of ourselves, ignoring the totality of who we are.
And then he went MIA.
JEEZ....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The thing that really pisses me off is that he kept on saying that I "enjoy making enemies" - fuck off, man-boy. You don't know a thing about me and you're happy going along with your life the way you want.
Moving off all the way to Feltham.... argh... argh... argh... near Hounslow - irony!
Well, moving onto metta-bhavana:
"May I be healthy, may I be happy, may I be free from suffering, may I accept myself regardless of what happens in my life. Or how I utterly fuck up!
"May Imran be healthy, may Imran be happy, may Imran find abundance wherever he is, may you find new levels of knowing God, may you find your Eve to your Adam, may you be happy!"
And, finally, the random quotes I look for on www.al-islam.org for inspiration:
If you expect someone to do more than he is able to do, then expect him to fail you by as much as you have exceeded his capacity.
Imam Ali (a)
And so, I just reactivated FB in order to put that as my staus.
I am incorrigible :P
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