"You are as I like"

I asked Him: You are as I like, make me as you like.

It was spontaneous in emotion, well-versed in Arabic.

And He told me before I had even finished "But you are as I like".

Right now. In the past. Always.

And then the beautiful verse recited itself to me in the most clear and enchanting voice, as verification:

"And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the supplicant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way."

This is His answer. It didn't come in the way is would approve of, but, now I think of it, they never have. I am not walking the right path the way they told me I should, or the only way it is possible, and that's possibly the best thing ever.

I validate all my experiences. I love them. I bless them. How else can I be whole, otherwise?

Even now, this stifling blackness, blindness, inability to truly receive.... I bless it and love it. I forgive those energies in my field, those beliefs, willingly or otherwise adopted, that are not me and have controlled me since birth and have contributed to all that I did not really desire and manifested.

I am completely capable of loving and forgiving myself entirely and unconditionally. In all states and conditions. At my lowest, not only was I still me, I was still Him and was still connected and still... was more than nothing. Had value and worth and was beautiful and an alchemist and an infinite creator.

I just decided to hide it. Kill it, even. And He didn't agree.

I asked for deliverance and true guidance and awakening and love. And He sent it to me. In little hedgehog packages, no doubt. But Imran led me to Sidra led me to ENLP and is leading me to....

Hedgehog, hedgehog, hedgehog - perfect symbol for both unconscious and conscious minds.

Even though the intention might not have been as strong as I would like, and the frustration and blame was much more apparent.Who knew that intention was seriously all that was needed to manifest and create? Okay, I certainly as hell didn't truly believe it. After that strong intention, it is effortless. Like Nature. Like "Kun fayakuun".


C'est absolument tout.

And all this stuff? Programming needs to be released. And I am so attached to it, it keeps coming back after I think I've rid myself of it for good. It is comfortable, although my inner wisdom and spirit hold so much more.

Rid yourself of illusion, Suki. Living your ethos, your desire for healing and transformation and empowerment and liberation. Otherwise, you are an empty shell who talks and talks and is empty.

I still can't consciously see yet. And that's okay.

I forgive myself for blinding, muting, deadening, shutting down all my awareness in the past. I remember now, I am transforming that now. I am embracing and embodying it now.

Change is happening.

He loves me the way I am. In a way no human being, and certainly no mother, no father and certainly, certainly, certainly no boy or man or anyone in between, ever would or could begin to fathom.

And, all at once, I can believe it and I can't believe it and I am grateful for it and I am completely AWED by it.