He would have made a very good friend, had there not been so much rage within me and had he not had undiagnosed ADHD. When I think back to my efforts in getting to know this man, I realised that he was yet another person who was really friendly, had a good disposition, had some ethics within him - and yet was quite like a child, not really aware, seriously lacked the wisdom and the masculinity I desired in a man.
And, to make this more of a universal statement, I need a certain level of masculinity for all the men in the world that I meet. I feel that this has been eked away at through various ways and means. I am very much aware of the facts that male testosterone has severely decreased on an average over the decades. This is due to diet, estrogen in soya products and the tap water, as well as an almost non-stop education of us about political correctness and what is a beta male. This has resulted in males wanting to be much more feminine than any truly feminine woman can deal with in a man. Waxing, eyebrows, make up, dresses... shaving off the beard, and - although this doesn't seem related - practically any man who didn't question the poke narrative, the shutting down and impoverishing of society, and who didn't work on improving his character and demeanor during 2019 - 2022 - is in my opinion not fully awakening and not fully masculine.
We really needed aligned, humble and spiritually awakening men fighting for us and our rights to be sovereign and free. We really did. Yet, we did not get any of that at all. We got pockets of men, such as Ian Atilias Gym in the US who refused point blank to shut down his gym because HEALTH. He refused and they took away his money form his accounts and this opened up my eyes to how corrupt the entire system is. It also made it clear that the dividing line between divinely aligned and those still in ghafla is becoming more evident, or more unclear - depending on how open one's own intuition is on any given day.
I used to be very confused regarding masculinity and femininity due to having no real positive role models in either gender, and then I watched a bunch of junk television that was just scripted to promote certain agendas. I then sought to re-educate myself away from traditional Pakistani and Muslim viewpoints of masculinity and femininity when I went to university. I genuinely assumed that I was wrong that that transgenderism is something that I needed to embrace and promote.
Now, I look back and understand that this is the time and era of great deception for all of us and I wasn't strong enough in my spiritual growth or education to understand what was going on. I was also very arrogant.
Anyway, coming back to Ali. I wished that he would be the person I needed as a friend. He was not. I had forces that made me get really angry and jealous of him being entirely clueless of certain realities and everything coming to him quite easily. He was also inaccessible to me, emotionally immature, and evidently not the right person for me at all. He smelled amazing the one time I met him, I liked what he was wearing which was basically muted blue sweatpants and matching top.
This isn't something I can submit - it has no narrative either!
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