I had a choice between writing fiction or non fiction.
From a realistic perspective, writing about real life would mean talking abut things that could not be proven, and put me in danger of being sued for libel.
And so, I asked God to guide me how and what to write about.
It is a shame to have all this talent for writing, and the willingness to write and make screenplays, or documentaries or books, and not knowing what exactly to write about since most of my life has been in survival mode. Being totally unable to manifest and make things happen, such as finances, career, a home of my own, friends, family.
And then embarking upon the Sufi path just allowed me to take it easy on myself.
I don't like how the people lie and cheat and are so disconnected from any sorts of things. It's draining being around all of these people with unhealed traumas.
I hate that I didn't write properly and wrote when fasting - don't do that again.
It pains me that I can't think about the past without feeling the emotions still stuck and unhealed.
I hate being around unawakened people. I really do.
I hate being underestimated, Mansi being surprised that I could understand the tihaee or tukda she was teaching.
Elaine acting like it's a huge thing to have a door opened for them. It was karma clearing.
Maybe my target audience is people who know enough about energy healing. I would say so. It's a warning. Don't get pulled in by unhealed healers, no matter how vulnerable you feel yourself.
Don't get pulled in by the uneducated and uninitiated Muslims who think they're doing great when they're as closed as other people who are closed. Nothing is static.
I'm not praying all the salaat. It's impacting my emaan all over again.
I feel that was a huge learning experience for me. I was going in with an agenda, to convince and to lay out a very traumatic real experience to people who were looking for a narrative I didn't have the energy to make last week.
Being around a bunch of Sumars is going to kill me. I aint going. End of energy drainage.
He's gonna have to understand and have cognitive empathy for me. It's difficult. I will visit later on when it's convenient for me. It is what it is.
I need to focus on maintaining a lifestyle that works for me.
My dad is insane. He means well, but he doesn't know how to deal with people.
I'm beginning to realise that I haven't been missing much during this imposed isolation that I have had to go through from 2019 up until present.
People have gone more insane, they have become more programmed and stuff.
In the CIT course, I don't like F and S - they're filled with anger, rage and unprocessed shit. F keeps talking about energy without realising how aggressive hers is! Same for me?
I realise what got triggered. Ever since I've moved here, or started getting Allahs help.
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