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My body stil lfeels as though I have been hit by a monster truck. I have bruises on my right forearm. Legs, joints, knees... all paining. Back... a good pain. Spine, rather. Got my spine, someone has my back.

My head is not here... I'm half here, half not. I\m thinking of doing an ENLP clearing to help me out.

I wanna sleep.

I have the telephone interview tomorrow qith lvoely EMily at 1:30 pm. Allah khair karega.

I felt like making love last night and did... first with the so called new guy who doesn't want to marry me... then of course I was tempted and went back to Imran. He sets me on fire, I feel safe with him. I really orgasm with his energy. End of. Not going to judge myself. I love making love to him and since we aren't getting married, it's cool. The love for him is there and is completely not attached. I'm making the best of my situation. It's not as though I'm forcing him, he loves it too... married, not married whatever. I'm done with moralising. It's been a year and some since we first made love. July 2011 - just a few weeks before Ramadhan. I was so scared and lusting him at the same time. I wanted it all to be 'real; and now it's as it is.

His was lust and domination at the same time. And I dunno...

And now I feel a deep solid love from him or for him or whatever. All I know is I love making love to him, it's not just sex, thank goodness. There was a time when I manipulated out of anger and jealousy. Feb - March 2012.

Today is a wtf day.

Make tomorrow better please Allah... haven't prayed in three days.

Why? Why?

In a Jal music and song mood.... and i'd be better off doing some energy cleairng....

i want to be loved and in love.... as i once did before i actually fell in love ha ha ha ha


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