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Grumpy

Thursday: Today's mini-rant: I have been feeling quite homesick for the past two weeks. Then today, a fellow compatriot gave me extremely bad customer service and wiped all that out of my heart. She reminded me of the stuff people do to protect what they feel is an attack to their person. She took out 80% of my eyebrows by threading them to an inch of their lives, then when I actually burst out crying because I have an interview next week and she's effectively ruined the entire shape, she blamed me: YOU should have told ME that you just wanted them shaped and not thinned. Well, honey, I not only have received shoddy service but you've placed blame on me. I will definitely not be using your services again. Second time I've been blamed this year for someone giving me bad service... and both have been desis from my own country. I am no longer homesick. Sad, but this is what I attract from my own people.
 
 
I'm observing today as the day of Arafah, so tomorrow is Eid for me. Therefore, Eid-ul-Adha Mubarak to every one of you. I shall be keeping you in my prayers. May we all be blessed for the rest of this year and feel loved, safe, protected, prosperous, authentic, attuned to our higher selves and blessed at all times. This message replaces the individual emails I used to send out.. see, even I eventually learn!!! :) Lots of love to all xxx
 
 Sukaina Juma
There are times when the mystic in exile wishes she had a 'real' real life that which is not separate, that which did not still find it amazingly difficult to vibrate at a frequency which attracted that which others sometimes find easier to attract. Whereby she could prepare for something with the beloved being there; and whereby she would be able to do the same for him when he needed it. This is definitely one of those times. And so, the mystic in exile who keeps getting it way wrong, will acknowledge this part of her, accept that she, too, has human frailty and part of this frailty is this random babbling on the internet... and continue preparing for tomorrow. I ask for the best and receive it... including a clear mind. (Reads what she just wrote) Yeah, definitely a clear and fully functioning mind for tomorrow - this really makes no sense!
 
 

 
***
 
So... that's that. My Eid  is gone.
 
I am in a crappy mood and can't seem to shift out of it.... water not helping, been eating none healthy foods for tow days. And yesterday was winter cold in full blast. So cold I can't think
 So so so cold. My entire week seems wasted.
 Body gone, mind gone... thirty quid gone... on a shirt that's silky and not even cotton.... wtf do I do sometimes?
Gratitude:
Imraan seems to have gotten the message that I don't like it when he writes best wishes, so he wrote love in a message today. I'm mad at myself for not being able to SEE. For a week or so thinking about Immy and I went into fantasy land all over again. 

Gratitude that I don't feel like writing Eid Mubarak to any one and only did the very necessary ones... replying to people's texts, no point, I'm not all here...

I got a phone call for Eid: Fazilat aunty... a month after I sent her that weird email. Since my mind is all fuzzy, got a bit mixed up but it was nice to be remembered. The guy she has in mind will obviously not be for me, since I still dont' want to marry myself.

 Yaar, I don't want to vaccuum, I feel so sad and empty and I need to reach my  ideal size 6. 30 quid for a shirt... there was no oher and it already smells of sweat - yuck! 
 Bloody ascension and this iworld don't want me and ''m just... ILL.
 
Dandruff has become worse... I feel so disconnected from You today Allah... why???
So TIRED!!!!





 

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