Copied from O Healer blog
I wanted to make this into poetry... yet I fear the font has dried out and is waiting for me to refill it...
I came across the online profile of a classmate from years ago. She looks so vibrant.
Going over some profiles on the matrimonial profile (hey... it's a habit!) and one guy specifically wants these qualities in his life partner:
share the same mood and zest for life as myself
be of a vibrant disposition
The bloke I fell for two years ago is extremely vibrant and active... full of LIFE! Plays all sorts of sports, travels a lot, goes out a lot, has many friends and a great relationship with his family, etc. He found what he was looking for and is now happily married... lol. Sorry, that phrase will forever make me peal into uncontrollable laughter for reasons best known to me. Bahahaha... lol... ooops... right....
Even his cousin, whom I never met (okay, let's not go there :P) was of the most bright, vibrant light and I felt an instant connection with him... his spark awes me.
Children are vibrant, dogs and cats, birds and trees, sunrises and sunsets... people whom I meet.... people who were in my life.... and people whom I feel uncomfortable being around because they are my contrast.
Where am I going with this post?
I lack all of that vibrance at the moment. Feel like it was zapped away.. since.... God knows when. I mean, I get little sparks of it every once in a while and sustaining is my current project. The Solfeggio music beats can only do so much, je suppose.
"Stop all this healing, and just take action"....
"Waiting to be healed is an excuse to not wanting to live your life"
Sometimes, those words make me want to swear.
When were the last times I felt like a firework?
- When I fell in love for the first time
- When I finished Level 3 of Energetic NLP
- When I went rock climbing last year
- At a friend's party when we all did some Bollywood dancing in the house
- When I am in the vibration of doing some gung-ho running in the park
- When I'm in the mood to dance and sing
- When I made a new friend last year and hung out with her a few times, I felt like I was "normal"
- When I recently went for a group meditation and energy healing, one of the 600 megawatts to make London glow - I was in a frenzied yet lifted light bubble for four days!
It's sad to think I've fallen for the collective awareness of 11 11 11 and the entire 2012 focused intent - but that's the time since when I've felt like a bowl of lumpy porridge.
I stopped my yoga and running, daily activities were somewhat challenging... I had no life as such... except for meeting up with friends for a few times and all the while I kept feeling like the wet blanket because I was unable to shift into vibrancy, regardless of what my perception is of my life at the moment.
I even took Bach Flower Remedies to help me: Mustard, Oak and Hornbeam. Nil result. I guess that's life, eh? You try and sometimes you don't get the results promised. Or expected.
I finally began running this evening... after 5 months of relative inactivity. My lungs burst after 60 seconds. Good start.... I also managed a few downward dogs and upward dogs. Yoga, people... YOGA poses :P
Thing is, I keep saying I would like someone to hang out with... and that would motivate me, since they would be quite motivated to do these things.... but that's not a need, is it? Excuse.
I stopped myself from writing... because of, once again, feeling threatened from expressing my truth. And not at all motivated or inspired.... Why? It feels redundant, feels empty, not good enough, not as great a truth as those of others...
I mean, it's all rehashing isn't it?
And, up until now, my writing hasn't made much of a difference in my own life... and very slight transformation in the lives of others... oh, well, my poetry still makes me feel proud. Of course, I know that it only is created through inspired thought. Once I let go of ego, the words pour forth like little crystalline chinks.
Vibrancy... someone called me magnetic and friendly, yet I only allow a few people to get into my inner circle.... very perceptive for a bloke who just knew me from my Facebook profile.
I've been called cagey, cryptic, a loner, isolated, which then was clumsily switched to "you prefer your own company", not very good at trusting, indecisive and not bothered... among many other labels.
What the hell? Seriously... what the hell... how long will I persist in the facade, how long will I pretend to be someone I am not... or want to be like others?
How long will I be the hedgehog, quills all standing at attention, instead of showing my soft belly (hey... I'm continuing with the metaphor here.)
Who am I? Oh jeez.... trust me to pick this soul plan.... to find out who I am....
For so many years, I had thought I would be able to become a counsellor... and now I know that is not me.
Energy healer... in this 3D world? Pfffft!
The solitary reaper is tired of the unending solitude... she wants the shepherd boy to herd his goats into her field (oh gosh... I can't believe that I'm actually writing this as a metaphor! It is meant in the pastoral sense, not in the crude pun sense, okay? :P)
I've actually come a very long way from where I was in March 2010... I don't feel like going into details... but... wow!
I want to make proper friends in this city I currently live in.... really high vibrating friends... ones who have a clue about what I am talking about, who can see that which I see, who choose to empower me and accept me for who I am, with whom I have a deep connection, who "get" me and whom I "get", who I can be a mirror to and who have the time to chat, to hang out..... people who can value me for who I am and want to be around me....
I still need a tennis partner for this summer... two entire summers and I have not played a single tennis match!
Some people tell me I don't need to study.... but the fact is, maybe I do... how else will I be able to train and excel and specialize... would be helpful if I had any motivation....
Vibrancy... interesting concept.
What is my apathy and boredom telling me? How does it get any better than this? I ask for the removal of all interference to my being my vibrant self and to my receiving my good. Thank you.
I wanted to make this into poetry... yet I fear the font has dried out and is waiting for me to refill it...
I came across the online profile of a classmate from years ago. She looks so vibrant.
Going over some profiles on the matrimonial profile (hey... it's a habit!) and one guy specifically wants these qualities in his life partner:
share the same mood and zest for life as myself
be of a vibrant disposition
The bloke I fell for two years ago is extremely vibrant and active... full of LIFE! Plays all sorts of sports, travels a lot, goes out a lot, has many friends and a great relationship with his family, etc. He found what he was looking for and is now happily married... lol. Sorry, that phrase will forever make me peal into uncontrollable laughter for reasons best known to me. Bahahaha... lol... ooops... right....
Even his cousin, whom I never met (okay, let's not go there :P) was of the most bright, vibrant light and I felt an instant connection with him... his spark awes me.
Children are vibrant, dogs and cats, birds and trees, sunrises and sunsets... people whom I meet.... people who were in my life.... and people whom I feel uncomfortable being around because they are my contrast.
Where am I going with this post?
I lack all of that vibrance at the moment. Feel like it was zapped away.. since.... God knows when. I mean, I get little sparks of it every once in a while and sustaining is my current project. The Solfeggio music beats can only do so much, je suppose.
"Stop all this healing, and just take action"....
"Waiting to be healed is an excuse to not wanting to live your life"
Sometimes, those words make me want to swear.
When were the last times I felt like a firework?
- When I fell in love for the first time
- When I finished Level 3 of Energetic NLP
- When I went rock climbing last year
- At a friend's party when we all did some Bollywood dancing in the house
- When I am in the vibration of doing some gung-ho running in the park
- When I'm in the mood to dance and sing
- When I made a new friend last year and hung out with her a few times, I felt like I was "normal"
- When I recently went for a group meditation and energy healing, one of the 600 megawatts to make London glow - I was in a frenzied yet lifted light bubble for four days!
It's sad to think I've fallen for the collective awareness of 11 11 11 and the entire 2012 focused intent - but that's the time since when I've felt like a bowl of lumpy porridge.
I stopped my yoga and running, daily activities were somewhat challenging... I had no life as such... except for meeting up with friends for a few times and all the while I kept feeling like the wet blanket because I was unable to shift into vibrancy, regardless of what my perception is of my life at the moment.
I even took Bach Flower Remedies to help me: Mustard, Oak and Hornbeam. Nil result. I guess that's life, eh? You try and sometimes you don't get the results promised. Or expected.
I finally began running this evening... after 5 months of relative inactivity. My lungs burst after 60 seconds. Good start.... I also managed a few downward dogs and upward dogs. Yoga, people... YOGA poses :P
Thing is, I keep saying I would like someone to hang out with... and that would motivate me, since they would be quite motivated to do these things.... but that's not a need, is it? Excuse.
I stopped myself from writing... because of, once again, feeling threatened from expressing my truth. And not at all motivated or inspired.... Why? It feels redundant, feels empty, not good enough, not as great a truth as those of others...
I mean, it's all rehashing isn't it?
And, up until now, my writing hasn't made much of a difference in my own life... and very slight transformation in the lives of others... oh, well, my poetry still makes me feel proud. Of course, I know that it only is created through inspired thought. Once I let go of ego, the words pour forth like little crystalline chinks.
Vibrancy... someone called me magnetic and friendly, yet I only allow a few people to get into my inner circle.... very perceptive for a bloke who just knew me from my Facebook profile.
I've been called cagey, cryptic, a loner, isolated, which then was clumsily switched to "you prefer your own company", not very good at trusting, indecisive and not bothered... among many other labels.
What the hell? Seriously... what the hell... how long will I persist in the facade, how long will I pretend to be someone I am not... or want to be like others?
How long will I be the hedgehog, quills all standing at attention, instead of showing my soft belly (hey... I'm continuing with the metaphor here.)
Who am I? Oh jeez.... trust me to pick this soul plan.... to find out who I am....
For so many years, I had thought I would be able to become a counsellor... and now I know that is not me.
Energy healer... in this 3D world? Pfffft!
The solitary reaper is tired of the unending solitude... she wants the shepherd boy to herd his goats into her field (oh gosh... I can't believe that I'm actually writing this as a metaphor! It is meant in the pastoral sense, not in the crude pun sense, okay? :P)
I've actually come a very long way from where I was in March 2010... I don't feel like going into details... but... wow!
I want to make proper friends in this city I currently live in.... really high vibrating friends... ones who have a clue about what I am talking about, who can see that which I see, who choose to empower me and accept me for who I am, with whom I have a deep connection, who "get" me and whom I "get", who I can be a mirror to and who have the time to chat, to hang out..... people who can value me for who I am and want to be around me....
I still need a tennis partner for this summer... two entire summers and I have not played a single tennis match!
Some people tell me I don't need to study.... but the fact is, maybe I do... how else will I be able to train and excel and specialize... would be helpful if I had any motivation....
Vibrancy... interesting concept.
What is my apathy and boredom telling me? How does it get any better than this? I ask for the removal of all interference to my being my vibrant self and to my receiving my good. Thank you.
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