Gagging orders
Sidra told me that as for my talent for writing and desire earn money or get a job with my writing because my writing is very heavy... it brings people down. She told me when she sometimes comes across my writing, she doesn't even have to read it: she can feel the energy behind it and it brings her down.
Which company will hire someone like that? She asks.
So I came home crying... of course, she is no longer hiring me, her dear friend Mish told her to fire me... and of course, I have been thinking this for months... so whatever you put out there comes back.
She was nice: she said because there is no stability, I am getting stressed out and have too much time on my hand to think and going around in circles. a 9 -5 job where someone will yell at me is the best way to go... apparently.
If love and healing hasn't worked, change it and do something that isn't you... or something you haven't done before.
And, so I came home crying and took off the public blog.
Then had the following conversation with Slavka. She had messaged me a few months ago, saying how she loved my blog. I had felt really good.
After what she told me below, I put it back up. It is an honour that she gets some comfort from it... (she lives in Slovakia) but I won't be writing any longer in it.
I'll keep my identity crisis stuff for here. Full circle.
Wanting the limelight and wanting to be appreciated through a blog. Grin. How childish. I haven't done anything about using it for getting a job, have I? Foolish child.
Sidra told me that as for my talent for writing and desire earn money or get a job with my writing because my writing is very heavy... it brings people down. She told me when she sometimes comes across my writing, she doesn't even have to read it: she can feel the energy behind it and it brings her down.
Which company will hire someone like that? She asks.
So I came home crying... of course, she is no longer hiring me, her dear friend Mish told her to fire me... and of course, I have been thinking this for months... so whatever you put out there comes back.
She was nice: she said because there is no stability, I am getting stressed out and have too much time on my hand to think and going around in circles. a 9 -5 job where someone will yell at me is the best way to go... apparently.
If love and healing hasn't worked, change it and do something that isn't you... or something you haven't done before.
And, so I came home crying and took off the public blog.
Then had the following conversation with Slavka. She had messaged me a few months ago, saying how she loved my blog. I had felt really good.
After what she told me below, I put it back up. It is an honour that she gets some comfort from it... (she lives in Slovakia) but I won't be writing any longer in it.
I'll keep my identity crisis stuff for here. Full circle.
Wanting the limelight and wanting to be appreciated through a blog. Grin. How childish. I haven't done anything about using it for getting a job, have I? Foolish child.
4 hours agoSlávka Marcinová- Gee, on wednesday I was in hospital having an operation. sounds not like a coincidence.
these days I can't do much. I've seen like twenty House MD episodes already. Do you happen to like Hugh Laurie?
By the way, your blog posts are.. jewels.
2 hours agoSukaina Juma- What kind of operation? I trust it's going well and that you're recovering okay... sending lots of prayers your way Not a coincidence at all... I'm glad we are connected that way
I like Hugh Laurie but it's in his early days when he did sketches with Stephen Fry called A Bit of Fry and Laurie... funny, very British humour.
Funny, I was thinking of you again just now... a friend of mine said my writing brings people down and is depressing. I thought of what you told me... that hit helps you... a few other people tell me they read it when they want inspiration... these days I might not be doing that.
So I made it private again.
I guess I am just very sad inside. I don't want to make other people feel worse.... what's the point, right?
What happened to your blog? You changed your pseudonym to Melody?
Do you think you can keep in touch... I'm really feeling low these days, need someone new to talk to...
about an hour agoSlávka Marcinová- it was just a dental surgery; but yesterday I had the first solid food so I was ecstatic
I changed that pseudonym when one of my friends found out about the blog and I was sort of afraid someone else might too.
about an hour agoSukaina Juma- yeah, I can understand...
- It's scary to speak your truth when not everyone in your life will be willing to understand, or care...
- Good to hear you're able to eat properly again Was it your wisdom teeth?
about an hour agoSlávka Marcinová- it was a horrible molar which didn't stop bothering me since august
and, dearheart,
your blogs never fail to uplift me simply because I see that I'm not alone.
i found it when I was having major doubts about faith and everything (my faith is still little more than a grain of sand). I am a muslimah, by the way, but even as I say it I don't know if I get to deserve to call myself one..hmmm.
and you gave me reassurance
51 minutes agoSukaina Juma- You are a submitter to God... that is all... sometimes we learn through opposites... funny how that works.
27 minutes agoSlávka Marcinová- i try.
but here where I'm from, it's unacceptable to be spiritual in any way that is not, well, acceptable and that ticks me off.
You, however, can hold your ground, with hijab and all.. I succumbed in this and I don't feel great about that.
You're admirable
When is it your birthday, by the way? I seem to have this obsession of doing birth charts and you seem like you wouldn't laugh me off
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