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Long email with details

Hey Saima,

My choice of preference is:

1. Camber Sands
2. Durdle Door, Lulworth Cove
3. The New Forest

(and then whichever is more economical..!)

So please choose what feels right, surprise me :)

Is it possible for my Canadian friend Nicole to come as well? She really doesn't know anyone and we were talking  about going somewhere. Let me know please. If you say no, I'll arrange to do something else with her, since I did mention going on holiday somewhere. We were aimlessly roaming around London yesterday... I was so out of ideas, I took her to Tooting after visiting Buckingham Palace!

How are things with you? Hope all is well. Have they extended your working contract?

Since you asked for a detailed email:

I'm not working for Sidra any more, she let me go the first of the month. I've been doing nothing since then. I feel like a deflated balloon. As usual.

Haven't felt like being in touch with her or helping her promote her workshop. I still will be going myself, but my ego is running riot.

My dad has offered to pay for me to go to a trip to Tanzania - let's see how that unfolds. I need a vacation, and to get out of this place for a few weeks so I can see how lucky I am when compared to people in Africa. And be next to a beach.

There was a guy Ali from the website, but nothing happening there. Neither of us is really bothered. 

I am not speaking to my best friend at the moment. I feel our friendship may have ended. I don't like her. It's weird.

My male cousin got married two weekends ago in Harrow. I had a fun weekend... met my younger cousins from Canada after 5 years. Very sweet. Had fun, met people. A girl I know from Uganda when I lived there as a kid - she's training to be a kid's counsellor. She will be interviewing me for her course about my depression at some point.

Relatives and random acquaintances keep telling me that I'm not going to find the person I have in mind and that I need to be aware that I might remain single, like other people do. I need to stop attracting that negative chat in my life.

I found out in February that Imran got married as soon as the Shia mourning period finished, through his matrimonial profile. I was okay with it, since it was a theory and I wasn't 100% convinced. My logic told me if he's "happily married" as he says on the website, why didn't he just delete his profile? He doesn't need it any more, right?

Last week, he added me to LinkedIn randomly. After not responding to my email or FB friend request back in January. So I ask him how was happily married life and he says yes, he's married, wouldn't want to discuss it and there is no more weirdness between us both. That he's a confidently cautious perosn, but own' te xplain what that means.

I was cool with that, I mean, I can't cater to ego any longer. There's enough bad blood between us. What can I do with a married man, anyway? I wouldn't feel right. To be friends would be okay, except that I would end up flirting with him and start the pattern I began in 2010.

Then I had a mini meltdown and realised that the reason why this happened is to bring to my awareness that I still have feelings for him. I am recovering from it. It's not me, it's just a part of me that needs to heal.

Another guy contacted me on the website last week, but I am not physically attracted to him at all, although he seems like an amazing guy. He's funny, intelligent, respectful, communicative, reads Iqbal poetry and is eloquent etc...He lives in South Africa.

I wrote him one of my frank emails and may have offended him because I told him it won't go down the matrimonial route. He said he thinks I'm cool, so what's up? I told him I didn't find him attractive and I still wasn't over the previous guy. He hasn't replied. I can be such an idiot sometimes! Who tells someone to their face, someone you don't even know, that I am not attracted to you? Because I was being honest... somethign they all say they admire in me.... until I become too frank and perhaps a little indiscreet - anyway. I am a ball basher, I suppose.

His name is Ihsan and all I can say is Sukaina, did you have no originality? Imran and Ihsan? Come on!

Things with my dad are okay, except when he gets angry at me and says things to me.... to make him be quiet and back off, I've started a pattern of hitting myself with whatever is available at hand.... a moisturiser, a photo frame, a mug. That's the only way he shuts up. The last time, I bled and it hurt like hell. The wound is still healing. And then I wrote a short story about it on my blog. I feel like I am Sylvia Plath or something.

Maybe they are right. How can I be in a relationship when I keep self harning... a pattern from when I was fourteen - 19? I am acting as though I am crazy. I am not, though.

I need a job. I am doing nothing about it.

I am enjoying the warmer weather, spending a lot of time in the parks in my area... Morden Hall Park is nice.

I am grateful it isn't worse :)

So here is your detailed email.

Lots of love,
Sukaina x

From: Saima Raza
To: Sukaina Juma
Sent: Tuesday, 27 March 2012, 23:41
Subject: Re: Hiya

Hey,
 
How about one of the following to visit...
 
1. Durdle Door, Lulworth Cove
2. Camber Sands
3. The New Forest
 
Let me know what you think! Also how are things with you....write a long email with details!
 
Saima xx

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