The parents

Don't ask me why I'm at the library at 4pm on a Thursday afternoon. Don't ask me why I have magically got flue like symptoms again and really just do not want to to go to the wedding. It's going to rain on Saturday. How th heck am I going to walk for 20 minutes from the tube station to the mosque in the sole pair of fancy shoes I have (with a one inch heel) and make it to the mosque all by myself, so I can pray to God?

So what happened yesterday? I spent the morning recovering from two days of running about London with Nicole.

Sent off an email.

Date: Wed, 14 Mar 2012 05:43:20 -0700
From: Sukaina
Subject: Hi dear
To: Leah

Hey Leah,

I was thinking of you especially after your message on Monday.... hope you're feeling a lot better.

I may be going to Art's evening tonight as I got a free ticket for being on the DVD - not sure if you are going...

Anyway, would be nice to do some ENLP maybe some time next week.... would like the practice.... and a catch up....

Did you get the new part time job you were aiming for?

I got fired and now have to get a "real" job....

Lots of love,

Suki xxx

 

And got the response from the universe... kind of funny, since the subject of the clearing was to connect more with your own spiritual wisdom so you are no longer agonising over making decisons and are just "knowing" things. IRONY.

Hey Suki,

I'm owed my DVD too but not sure if I'll go tonight as busy till 6ish.

Yes definitely up for doing some work as Level 1 reminded me of all the core practise which is nice.

You were kind of wishing to be fired!!  Focus on getting a job you want and what you liked from that job and what you didnt.....

Monday or Wednesday night good for me.

I'm getting it would be good for you to go tonight.

Lx

 

And so, since Sukaina really had asked, and gotten her response, she went. Literally draggd herself there, she really couldn't be arsed.

 

Kim, Caroline, Art - I said a quick hi to him as he was busy speaking to Fabio and he looked really pleased "Oh, hi Suki" and then, me being my elegant and social self... stalked off. Why? Because why not? Nothing to say. In the back of my head, I want some TLC and won't get it from him.

I am really beginning to hate going to these ENLP things. Same faces, same attitude: I must give off this really strong "stay away from me you MEBs" vibe OR "I am a vortex of despair - come if you dare" vibe: not a single soul wants to speak to me! Excet for Kate, beautiful English woman sititng next to me, so had to. And then there was the golden retriever sitting behind me.... seeing eye dog - and he put all his hair on my coat. Lol. Been getting them out, some still there - need to wear coat tomorrow. Weather is cold and rainy for wedding :( Hope it's better for Sajid's wedding.

Job, job, job.

Friendships lost.

I am lost.

Literally.

I listened to Dua Iftetah on Tuesday after absolutely ages and kind of want to pray salaat but ego isn't allowing me to. Been pretty good with wearing my hijab - except for today. I straightened my hair to see how it looked and whether I would rather have a trim and let th esalon lady blow dry my hair like last time - or save on the £15 and just striaghten my hair.

I am not good at it. It's okay for daily stuff, not for a wedding.

Anyway, my hair looks good so I'm out without hijab today.

What am I about?

Job job job. Faith... where is it? Even my blog has been attacked.... and she really doesn't know any better.

I really feel so blocked it's funny.

Damn, haven't emailed Ashiya. Okay, just have. 

So what kind of job can I do?

There's this woman sitting at the computer across from me, and my ego mind said: she looks young and capable, why isn't she at work right now and my spirit replied: same bloody reason you aren't :P

I forgot to change one set of dates on Sidra's eventbrite page, I hope this PC will let me open it here so I can do at least that much. It's a releif not to have to work like that, with her, fr those clients and people whom I just cannnot reosnate.

Why is it that I just don't like people?

And now, since everyone is becoming inntuitive and psychic thanks to Neptune... people can tell with my having to say a word. I don't speak, but they all sense my energy, consciously or unconsciously.

This is why I am alone... thsi is why Ali hasn't texted, this si why... well, I am not sure why a guy called Raza asked em out for dinenr "as a firned" except perhaps he really is THAT bored. He emailed me today... asking me where I have been... I'm like.... dear, you're better off alone... or without...

I feel like I am me and yet not me.

Let's see what tomorrow brings...

What spiritual realisations? This is all hogwash.

I still don't like being me, if I did, I wouldn't still want to be her, or her, or him...

Wanting someone to save you, not realising there isn't anyone.

Damn, my mum has decided not to give any wedding presents, so I shall ahve to spend some serious cash for Sharif. My dad said he's pay for Sajid's wedding... £50 seems decent, but it's so much money.

Exactly the amount I gave to that guy on Xmas day. What a dolt I am.

Randomly went on Madiha's profile - don't ask me why. I know why - so I could see this message:

Ammaar Kai
 

Aw, I love you. I've actually been told I've "come into my looks". Whatever the Hell that means. LOL

I'm a counsellor as a psychological clinic. After Glendon, I got into the MA University of Toronto program for Counselling Psychology and am applying to PhD next year! I'm also applying for some research coordinator positions so I can have an extra advantage next year when applying for PhD! :)

Didn't I once have dreams of becoming a counsellor? Nopes, that's something Tazeen, Sidra and now Ammaar are doing. And I don't even know Ammaaar, I vaguely remember him as a hot guy who was friends with Madiha and I was jealous - what else is new?

Oh dear, I'm tearing up right now... but have 12 minutes left on the PC.

 

What on earth have you done with your life Sukaina?

You're sitting in Morden Library on 15th March 2012 at 4:50 pm and you were just stalking some random girl on Facebook.

Oh God, I feel like throwing up.

Please help me.... protect me... guide me.