Romance

So on Saturday, we as a group released energies to do with sabotages to vulnerability, to success, to gratitude and to romance. And a lot of other things were released... control... other things... no point in documenting it all. I was in full 3D and so nothing magical was seen by moi.

Then Ali, the 37 year old Irani guy texted me on Sunday but so late I wasn't in the mood for a chat.

We spoke on Sunday and he went into "selling myself as a potential husband" so I told him please don't do that, let's just have a normal conversation.

I think Ali might become a new friend... I would like that, I need friends in London. We spoke for an hour, it was good in the sense I have a lot more in common with him than with Imran.

Healing, he likes to talk as well.... but not the hubby for me :)

When he spoke about hope, I couldn't be present. Because it reminded me of Imran and I winced. Then today, I randomly open up a magazine at the Post Office and it says don't give up hope, even though things are challenging.

Synchronicities.


A quote for Valentine's day from Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh): "Either there is love or there is not, but you cannot ask how to love. And if someone tells you and teaches you how to love, remember, then you will never be capable of love. Once a technique is given to you for love, you will cling to the technique... Once you know the trick how to love, then love will not flower because you can create a facade, a deception. And with the deception you are out of it, not involved. You are protected. Love is being totally open, vulnerable. It is dangerous, you become insecure. We cannot ask how to love, we cannot ask how to surrender. It happens! Love happens, surrender happens. Love and surrender are deeply one."

Surrender and trust

A lot of talk about surrendering to Allah/The Universe/Life and to what is planned and where our destinies are leading us in the workshop. Sidra said it on Sunday. And trusting that all is well, everything is perfect. nothing is missing.

What does it mean to surrender? it means to prostrate on turbah and ask for help. To weep until your heart is soft again. To wipe and mop toilets floors and to iron father's shirts and to wash dishes and then to realise you didn't do much work.

To do a healing session for a dear friend, and to observe her feeling all the effects and you not seeing or sensing a single thing :) but at least glad that you are making a difference in her life... look, she managed to nab a guy and a job in the same week :)

Surrender and acceptance of what is.

I am obviously still Darth Vader + and Luke Skywalker - and that  is why it is.

I am also a MEB - medium evolved being as compared to my illusions of grandeur of being a HEB, highly evolved being... that's Sidra, by the way. Are we surprised?

Bah, I am going to email Genne and then I am going to listen to Art. Flip everything else.

My vibration just lowered again - lol.

Sometimes I wonder who I am now. I lost all my interests... he was talking about poetry and NLP and changing the world... and I sniggered.

I was somewhat bored in the conversation...maybe I was just really sleepy and emotional... but then the two proper conversations I had with Imran, I was bored with him too... why is that?

I actually don't like people with families, especially when they put their families on top of their head. Because then what do I do?

You email Genne and you listen to Art. Gosh!

And pray tomorrow is a much better day.

Enshallah, as Ali says - lol.

I deleted all the texts. They were yesterday. Today is today. I am not repeating past actions.

Do you know, I still go back to the things Imran texted me, I'd written down as many texts as I could before I lost my phone last October.

Four things Immy has said to me that keep me up when I fall down:

1) There is always hope. (said to me on last phone convo)

2) God has a plan for you, little one. (FB message)

3) You are special, so I hope you find the person who will appreciate you for who you are (SimplyShia message when telling me to go away and leave him be in December 2010)

4) You will be remembered by those who love you because you are truthful, not by those without a heart (very confusing as to what he meant, but he put this as his FB status on 11/11/10 after I told him I loved him in that long email.)

I'm over him, yet I remember all of this. Funny.

It will be nice to fall in love again with my new soul mate. I deserve it, it feels divine. He'll cook and be okay with me on all levels, as much as one can hope when we both are human beings.

Genne, then Art.

Well, I decided to listen to music, at least I'm getting joy from that today. And singing along to Kinara by Atif Aslam.



Didn't life seem more innocent and simple before?

Yes Suki, but it's 2012 now. Accept it, trust and surrender....

Farwa texted me to be her valentine today and then called me after work and I went into healer mode with her again.... never mind. It happens.

Genne and then Art.