You are on the right path

How do I know? A sense of things moving or not moving? A sense of envy and jealousy coming up and then almost automatically dying down because there is no use.

I said Alhamdulillah yesterday.... I felt safe... I wrote 2,800 words... I came home safely and had the most beautiful clear night...

Still had to release my sexual passion for Imran... I do not want to leave him be... and it's not like he's complaining... cannot believe how screwed up this is... he's still not telling me why he just doesn't want to be with me. I now end up crying and whimpering during climax because I'm with him and he's in me but he consciously doesn't want me in real life... to share a life with him.... and my heart just fills with love for him and I keep orgasming with him inside of me... i just keep wanting more of him in me.... i guess it makes sense because he's rejecting me left, right and centre...

And now I have to once again... work work work... only 2 people have signed up.... dammit.

So how exactly am i on the right path when I am doing everything taboo. All that was sacred is no longer. I want to become a submitter... Namaz bhi nahi parhni and in this is my salvation :(

Comments

The parents

Your Type Four EnneaThought for January 13th— Reflect on your childhood today. As a child, did you believe you were not like your parents? Did you feel that you were not "seen" by your parents and that you did not connect sufficiently with your parents? As an adult, what does this have to do with you now? (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 182) As I've said myriad times before, these things just slap me in the face with a wet fish most days. I suppose it makes sense that I should send Reiki healing to my relationships with my father and my mother. Haven't really done that for ages. It's too hard sometimes, I choose to ignore and avoid dealing with them mainly because these are the two people I've been connected with since birth. A lot of effort is required in order to 'let things slide'. Living with my dad is hell, and I'm co-creating it on purpose, as part of my desire to annoy, to hurt him the way he hurts me. My mum, well, I guess we'...

Je dois écrire

Je dois écrire . L'ironie est que quand j'avais le temps, je na'i pu pas fair rien . Doesn't matter, I have to write. I keep listening to poets like Keane and Travis and Darren Hayes and I'm here, with the creativity finally bursting forth again, and what's more, the joie de vivre bursting through and I'm not writing and I'm not taking pictures and I'm doing bloody cashier work at Oxfam. I am a swan, I am a seagull that glides and glides. I am the tree, the squirrel. Words are all I have to make myself different from you lot. To make myself lighter, somewhat more worthy. How low is my self esteem that I still believe those falsehoods. I just cannot find people on my wave length. It means I never shall. Or I do and because of my skin colour or because I am behind the Oxfam counter, or because I am in Morden, or London, or the UK, I shall never know. An opera singer. A person who wants to wear kurtis but is scared of going into a desi shop i...

Judgement

Tarot Card Interpretation & Meaning - (20) Judgment Introduction: Judgment can be a card about jumping to conclusions, decisions and judgments. which are too hastily made. If you are prone to such things, this is a clear signal to slow down and give things more thought and to give people "more chances." This can be a real time of spiritual awakening. General: In general, if you are the one tending to jump to conclusions, you can put a stop to it. If others are making these kinds of decisions about you or about someone you care for, there is really very little you can do, apart from realizing that it's their problem, not yours. Health: This is an important time to let go of the past and any wrongs that you perceive were done to you, particularly if you are dealing with chronic medical issues. Letting go of your need to be right will go a long way toward helping you to feel better. Besides, if ...

Isle of Skye

Search This Blog