http://www.mwlusa.org/topics/dress/veil.htm
They asked me again about the hijab and why I wear it. I didn't know that time. Things have been messing with my reality this entire month. So I took it off - just the scarf. It felt good, I felt sexy, beautiful. Naked. Aroused. I felt shy to go to the meat shop because the butcher is attracted to me and has seen me covered up before. Men looked at me, but no one hit on me (thank God!)
And then I put it back on.
It could be easier than this. A lot easier.
I don't want to have to apologise for either wearing it or taking it off.
Is there something wrong with me that I never questioned it? It makes sense to me. I don't want 40 year old men looking at me. I don't want men looking at me, they look anyway. If they want to undress you with their eyes, at least make it harder to do.
A friend of mine, 19 years old, might have been spouting rhetoric, it makes sense.
Why do I want to be objectified by random men? I only want to be object of desire for one man, the one who is worthy of me and me of him.
Of course, the seductress parts of me, of all women, want to be desired, sexually arouse them, go swimming, sunbathe naked if I wanted to.... and I think what is scary is that now I have a choice.
And I choose not to.
But then, I am overeating and gaining weight to compensate for the lack of love I feel, for not wanting to be attractive and sexy and for other reasons.
What I really want is the man who is the best one for me to love me and want to protect me and keep me to himself. Who lowers his gaze and protects himself because I fulfil his needs and I lower my gaze and protect myself for him because he fulfils all of my needs.
I'm 27 and only now have woken up to this part of me. Everything is perfect.
Allah, guide me to right path. Please don't let me run around naked. Please let me remain chaste and not act upon the urges to have sex without being in temporary or permanent marriage.
I was grateful for the depression for this very reason. I know myself and my desires.
I was grateful for not having met with Imran for this very reason. He really turned me on and I wasn't in a position to handle it.
So thank You for protecting me from a greater humiliation, with one that I perceive as still a humiliation (rejection for being too shy and weird).
I seek refuge in You from being misguided and from misguiding.
For the sake of all those Whom are pure and pious. Certain things are sacrosanct. Certain things make intuitive sense. Some things need to be final.
Even if it is programming, release it and replace it my my innate wisdom which is the same.
Grant me my husband already.
What is this idea - sex without marriage is fine as long as you both love each other? Why would you not marry if you loved each other? Why would you not commit? Why? Why? Why?
It is not just about the people, it is about the families, it is about lineage, it is about those beautiful ayats in the Quran.
It is more than butterflies and sex, it is respect and protection of ezzat and dignity. It's not to be gone into lightly. Marriage is sacred. Inside marriage, the sex is Divine. Outside of it, it is heavier and I still feel ASHAMED.
Please let me only be with a man who understands the sanctity of marriage and is willing to commit. Please let him and me be on the same vibration, wavelength. Please let him be a mo'min and pray his salat and fast and give all the charity and BE good. Let him have Your love and the love of the Prophet and His family... Ahlul Bayt..... that is what makes the connection, too.
Imran didn't really have that.... neither do I, but I do as well....
Please let me withstand the thoughts of people who do not know MY truth. Please let me be strong. Let my husband be that, too.
Kindness, forbearance, forgiveness - yes. I am now in need of it, having fallen so much. But integrity and excellent moral traits too.
Tazeen told me to ask myself why I attracted Sidra and her as people who tell me it's okay to have sex with someone you love regardless of marital status. And that's not it... I can believe whatever I like, and I have already done the worst, lost something never to be regained..... but what is wrong is wrong, what is heavy for the soul is heavy.What is sacred is sacred.
The people who tell me that, I cannot respect them! To say yes, it is done but not good, fine. But to say it is okay.... no. They do not know.
The human animal desires are that, and that is why muta'h is allowed.... then again, why would I enter in a muta'h with a guy if he wouldn't want to have a nikah with me? Only if it led to nikah would it be okay....
LOVE. RESPECT. PROTECTION. TRUST.
Hijab can sometimes make you look even sexier. It is misused in that manner, too. But it still is a visible barrier, indicates to men: I am not yours unless I give you permission. (at least the way I chose to wear it)
And even then, they still hug me and shake my hand (which I've had to hide with my coat sleeve and make myself look idiotic) and stuff like that. Do they not think???
I am not your property.. I don't want you touching me!!!! Only one man can touch me in that way. My husband.
Chaste, pure. Oh God. I need to get married (just in case it wasn't obvious).
Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.
24:30
And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, [a list of relatives], [household servants], or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss.
24:31
They asked me again about the hijab and why I wear it. I didn't know that time. Things have been messing with my reality this entire month. So I took it off - just the scarf. It felt good, I felt sexy, beautiful. Naked. Aroused. I felt shy to go to the meat shop because the butcher is attracted to me and has seen me covered up before. Men looked at me, but no one hit on me (thank God!)
And then I put it back on.
It could be easier than this. A lot easier.
I don't want to have to apologise for either wearing it or taking it off.
Is there something wrong with me that I never questioned it? It makes sense to me. I don't want 40 year old men looking at me. I don't want men looking at me, they look anyway. If they want to undress you with their eyes, at least make it harder to do.
A friend of mine, 19 years old, might have been spouting rhetoric, it makes sense.
Why do I want to be objectified by random men? I only want to be object of desire for one man, the one who is worthy of me and me of him.
Of course, the seductress parts of me, of all women, want to be desired, sexually arouse them, go swimming, sunbathe naked if I wanted to.... and I think what is scary is that now I have a choice.
And I choose not to.
But then, I am overeating and gaining weight to compensate for the lack of love I feel, for not wanting to be attractive and sexy and for other reasons.
What I really want is the man who is the best one for me to love me and want to protect me and keep me to himself. Who lowers his gaze and protects himself because I fulfil his needs and I lower my gaze and protect myself for him because he fulfils all of my needs.
I'm 27 and only now have woken up to this part of me. Everything is perfect.
Allah, guide me to right path. Please don't let me run around naked. Please let me remain chaste and not act upon the urges to have sex without being in temporary or permanent marriage.
I was grateful for the depression for this very reason. I know myself and my desires.
I was grateful for not having met with Imran for this very reason. He really turned me on and I wasn't in a position to handle it.
So thank You for protecting me from a greater humiliation, with one that I perceive as still a humiliation (rejection for being too shy and weird).
I seek refuge in You from being misguided and from misguiding.
For the sake of all those Whom are pure and pious. Certain things are sacrosanct. Certain things make intuitive sense. Some things need to be final.
Even if it is programming, release it and replace it my my innate wisdom which is the same.
Grant me my husband already.
What is this idea - sex without marriage is fine as long as you both love each other? Why would you not marry if you loved each other? Why would you not commit? Why? Why? Why?
It is not just about the people, it is about the families, it is about lineage, it is about those beautiful ayats in the Quran.
It is more than butterflies and sex, it is respect and protection of ezzat and dignity. It's not to be gone into lightly. Marriage is sacred. Inside marriage, the sex is Divine. Outside of it, it is heavier and I still feel ASHAMED.
Please let me only be with a man who understands the sanctity of marriage and is willing to commit. Please let him and me be on the same vibration, wavelength. Please let him be a mo'min and pray his salat and fast and give all the charity and BE good. Let him have Your love and the love of the Prophet and His family... Ahlul Bayt..... that is what makes the connection, too.
Imran didn't really have that.... neither do I, but I do as well....
Please let me withstand the thoughts of people who do not know MY truth. Please let me be strong. Let my husband be that, too.
Kindness, forbearance, forgiveness - yes. I am now in need of it, having fallen so much. But integrity and excellent moral traits too.
Tazeen told me to ask myself why I attracted Sidra and her as people who tell me it's okay to have sex with someone you love regardless of marital status. And that's not it... I can believe whatever I like, and I have already done the worst, lost something never to be regained..... but what is wrong is wrong, what is heavy for the soul is heavy.What is sacred is sacred.
The people who tell me that, I cannot respect them! To say yes, it is done but not good, fine. But to say it is okay.... no. They do not know.
The human animal desires are that, and that is why muta'h is allowed.... then again, why would I enter in a muta'h with a guy if he wouldn't want to have a nikah with me? Only if it led to nikah would it be okay....
LOVE. RESPECT. PROTECTION. TRUST.
Hijab can sometimes make you look even sexier. It is misused in that manner, too. But it still is a visible barrier, indicates to men: I am not yours unless I give you permission. (at least the way I chose to wear it)
And even then, they still hug me and shake my hand (which I've had to hide with my coat sleeve and make myself look idiotic) and stuff like that. Do they not think???
I am not your property.. I don't want you touching me!!!! Only one man can touch me in that way. My husband.
Chaste, pure. Oh God. I need to get married (just in case it wasn't obvious).
Dua'a 187
-It is written in Behaarul Anwaar that if unmanageable impediments are obstructing your marriage write the following verses (Taahaa: 131, 132) with saffron and keep it on the body. Inshallah all hindrances will disappear.
وَلاَ تَمُدَّنَّ عَيْنَيْكَ اِلٰى مَا مَتَّعْنَا بِهٖ اَزْوَاجًا مِّنْهُمْ زَهْرَةَ الْحَيٰوةِ الدُّنْيَا، لِنَفْتِنَهُمْ فِيْهِ، وَرِزْقُ رَبِّكَ خَيْرٌ وَّ اَبْقٰى. وَاْمُرْ اَهْلَكَ بِالصَّلٰوةِ وَاصْطَبِرْ عَلَيْهَا، لاَ نَسْئَلُكَ رِزْقًا، نَحْنُ نَرْزُقُكَ، وَالْعَاقِبَةُ لِلتَّقْوٰى.
Do not strain your eyes towards that which we have given for enjoyment to parties (wedded pairs) of them, the splendor of the life of this world, so that we may try them in it. The provision of your lord is better and more lasting. Enjoin prayer (salat) on your followers, and adhere steadily to it, we do not ask you to provide (subsistence), (it is) We who give you subsistence; and (the good of) the hereafter is for those who safeguard themselves against evil with full awareness of divine laws.]
Dua'a 181 Recite the following du-a'a after giving sadaqa to deserving mumin .
“O Causer of the Causes; O He who opens the doors (to opportunities); O’ He who gives an answer to the call from wherever (He is called).”
Yaa Musabbibal Asbaabi Yaa Mufattihal Abwaabi Yaa Man Haythu Maa Du-ee-Ya Ajaaba
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-Dua'a 182 According to Biharul Anwar to invoke the almighty Allah that a grown up boy or girl be suitably married recite the following du-a'a 100 times daily for 40 consecutive days after any obligatory salat.
“Make easy (my difficulties), by Your superabundant favours, O’ the Most Mighty.”
Sahlam Bi Fadhlika Yaa `Azeez
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