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Marriage


 

“O Causer of the Causes; O He who opens the doors (to opportunities); O’ He who gives an answer to the call from wherever (He is called).”
Yaa Musabbibal Asbaabi Yaa Mufattihal Abwaabi Yaa Man Haythu Maa Du-ee-Ya Ajaaba

Yes, I think I have reached a point that might mimic desperation. The sexual drives are overpowering. The loneliness and the desire to be with a husband... I suppose I could sublimate it, but the question is, why?

I mean, all these years, I did okay. I knew I wasn't ready and I was depressed, so that was that: sexual urges or none. Most of the time I had none, most of the time I could hardly get out of bed.

But now, when I am ready? You made me ready, Allah when you made me fall for Imran.

I am 27 and a half years old. Not like Farwa, who only JUST turned 23 years old. Or if I'm not and there are blocks and stuff, it's hard-pressed to say have patience and fast. I don't do either.

As I say: puri dunya shaadi karti hai... the entire world gets married, it's natural, it's wajib on me now, no longer a sunnah and I'm sure there HAS to be a soul mate there who is meant to marry me.

Right?

Please help me for the sake of this holy month. I can't believe that I'm still so lame as to remember Imran's birthday today, just because he's the closest I have ever come to having a husband. Now that was a sexual awakening like no other :P And I was still too scared to meet him :P :P

That's lame.

Husband, you'd better come into my life now.

I can't say I'll stay a virgin very long at this rate. That's honesty for you. Technically.. no, let's not go there. What's the point? What's done is done.

Sorry for you having to read this. But that's fact. I've actually had to Google search some taharat and najasat rulings.

I am frustrated beyond belief. This is no longer a whim. I need a male sexual partner and the only way I'm going to have him is through marriage and the only way that's going to happen is when I meet someone who LIKES and then LOVES ME and vice versa. And who's a single, virgin Muslim man. A Shia.

I sound apologetic when I keep banging on about that. But it's such a core value - still. I thought it would go away, like my other religious conditioning. And maybe it will. But up until now, it still seems more a spiritual requirement than a religious or cultural one.

Don't ask me why, I cannot really tell. The love for the Ahlul Bayt is muted in my own energy. I feel even more distanced from them and from the tragedy of Karbala this year than I did last year when I was going through hell. Numb.

I dunno.

All I know is my hubby better get his act together, and me my act together. So we can finally meet and get it over with already. I wanna be teased, hugged, caressed, loved... respected, treated right, been given flowers, protected... all of it.

27 and a half years old. Going to turn 28 Islamically in January.

I went on the websites, nothing. Nothing, nothing. All this shyness means I have no guys friends. Farwa has a bazillion guy friends, she'll find her Shia Syed in a haystack, believe you me.

Grrr. Okay, I know it's going to work out for me too. I just really had hoped something would have happened by now. Well, it has better happen by my birthday. I want my fiance to make my birthday really special. Cake, flowers, card.

Love. Fondness. Respect. Like, he REALLY likes and loves me and is attracted to me.

And I need barakah in my job and in the business Integrating U and in my career and prosperity and my relationships and my healing abilities and my health, all levels of them all.

Oh Allah, You have heard my du'ah. Now answer them.

Show me how it gets even better than this and how you can shower your blessings on me the way you did for Fatemah. So that I can be grateful. So bless me with more and more gratitude. Now. As I am, as it all stands.

I am grateful for this sexual frustration. There you go. Grrr.

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