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God, I feel like CRAP. Ugh.

I totally messed up yesterday with Osama and I am judging myself for it. Boy, I need my husband in my life, if only I'd open my heart to receive.

I'm finding work very tedious already. And stressful.

I feel so blank, numb, joyless. Three day workshop and still I block my ability to receive love, help, visions, information.

I've cut the cords with Imran and I still think of him because it's familiar, comfortable and the only experience I have to go on.

It's so cold, I don't like the cold.

I keep succumbing to my desires and feeling terrible afterwards.

I'm going to the Coej Youth conference on Saturday for God knows what reason. To get email addresses? For Integrating U and for me? Huh? Jamaat salaat? I mean, what the hell?

How does it feel in my body?

Oh Allah. Help me. I want to release the self sabotage programmes, the not good enough, the I don't deserve and the scared programmes.

Show me, make me open up my unique gifts and abilities.

Help the healer heal herself. And get married to the best man/soul mate and twin flame. Please. I can't take any more of this stuff. I feel like a loser, I have all these sexual urges and am by myself.

I feel undesirable, I mean why do I stop myself from succeeding and having what I need and want?

For a few days, it seems as though I've been sliding back into the depression and I want to clear it and I'm doing the energy work and still....

Where is all of this coming from? Why am I so arrogant and thinking I can heal everyone? I have my own agenda.

I don't even know how to install a wireless router into a laptop, I think I need the CD and it doesn't have a CD player, so...

Oh man I feel like crap. I need sleep. Allah help me do my best today. Everything needs to be perfect. Minimise my effect. make me small like a grain of sand.

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