La vie interfère toujours avec la vie

I decided to come to the library after hanging out for three hours at Morden Hall Park this morning. Pick up some imspiration from the books in the library - I still have to pay off the £8 fine and so can't borrow any books so come here and flip the pages and read what I'm meant to read.

I danced a lot at Morden Hall Park to my iPod - making sure no one was about, of course. The duckies and birdies seemed to like my moves like Jagger ;-)

My heart - o dearie me - who knew that not lonly have I blocked and shut down all this love for my entire life but that it still lingers for what we had.

I didn't get a response from him - I suppose that's typical of his pattern. *shrugs* No longer an issue. I love/d him.

Yesterday early morning, I suspended my SimplyShia account and wrote that I just realised that I still hate doing this and also hate saying no to people or being rejected and perhaps I'm not ready yet. There was a decent and intelligent sounding guy who sent me a salaam - but he lives in West Cape, South Africa. I ain't moving to South Africa and I can't take responsibility for anyone moving to London. He seemed so nice though. But sent a slaam - meaning he can't send me any messages. BUGGER. I've spent £40 in these two weeks that might have been better spent on the website.

Can you believe that the networking dinner I went to yesterday - they made us all pay £20 because they ordered for everyone :( and I didn't even get any doggy bag to take home. Met a girl who studied at the same school as I did in Karachi. She lives in Tooting Broadway - and she's the reason my intuition made me go. That and the fact that Aatif was being so nice about inviting me to come and made a :( when I said I wasn't going. Bloody thief - twenty quid!

My heart is still hurting and healing. Sometimes you can be so wrong about things, can't you? So wrong. And once day I can be totally over him. Like today, please, God. Today let me be over him.

I felt just so uninspired, demotivated and bland about it. One guy then another then another. I don't do this.

Right now, the SA guy seems interesting - his profile was really nice. Eloquent and excellent English - for a change. But I'm not signing in for a while.

I need to let things flow and sigh sigh sigh. And also I'll look like such a prat and indecisive person who is "playing about".

I feel so damned vulnerable.


There a guy on FB who liked my qutoations and asked for some things to help him with his depression. Which of course I did - same things, duas, Outlandish, told him about yoga and Energetic NLP. He's been complimenting me on my profile photos. I think he wants to start something. I changed my profile photo after he wrote the below. SIGH.

Rizwan Jaffer Sultan

• mashalla once again cool pic n u look beautiful with noor. i can say this is top pic due to my favorite colonr green adding extra charm. u live in which country?
  
  ur words in previous message gives me great courage to face the worst which will happen. Allaha bless u
  
  can u add me as your friend ?? i dont have system option to give you the friend request
  
  He lives in Chennai and I am not attracted to him (he's Shia, so that's not an issue) so I'm trying to see how to deal with the situation. I don't mind adding him as a friend if he needs healing and I also don't want to pre-empt anything in my old way by telling him not to get any ideas. And I also don't want to give him any hopes. 
   La vie interfere toujours avec la vie.
  Okay, so back to the words of wisdom from random books.
  The Tarot book: I opened to the page to Ace of Cups which means new romantic relationships and love.
  
  
  Key words: Love, deep feeling, new romance, intimacy
  
  
  Key Phrases
  
  
  Beginning of a new love or awareness
  Expressing your feelings
  Being in touch with your emotions
  Infatuation with someone or something
  Establishing new bonds
  Feelings developing
  Desire for a deeper connection
  
  
  "Never reject what the Ace of Cups has to offer." I need to buy this book. Typing all this stuff takes AGES.
  
  
  I jsut picked the Star. 
  
  
  Keywords: 
  Inspiration, Ideal love, truth revealed
  
  
  Realization of a dream
  Insight and self-belief are essential for happiness
  Seeing the light at the tunnel
  Knowing that you are going to be successful
  Freely giving of yourself in love
  Idealization of a person or goal
  Visionary progress
  New trust in a relationship
  
  
  Interpretation
  
  
  The Star represents all the heavenly bodies that guide us across land and seas. The archetype of the Star provieds tyou with your own personal shining light that will allow to navigate successfully through life.
  
  
  When you draw this card, your powers of self-expression are at their highest. You feel in touch with universal energy and there is hope and faith in the future.
  
  
  In the 'you now' position, this card is all about having an optimistic attitude. If you relally eleive and trust in yourself you cna create your own opportuities. This card is beneficial in any layout and indicates success in love, work or financial aspiration.
  
  
  As a 'future' card, it reveals that a revelation is about to come to you in the nicest possible way. You will regain your motivation, experience peace of mind and enjoy a better sense of who you are and where you are going.
  
  
  The Star gives you permission to navigate wherever you want to go. But remember this is a car dof inspiration; it does not give you practical solutions, so you must look at the other cards in the layout to guide you further. The only down-side to this card is when this card is in blockage position, where it indicates that your ideals and expectations are so high that no one, not even you can live up to them.
  .
  
  
  And now - all the things i keep making into monsters in my head - I know it's not such. I shall add Rizwan and he is in control of his actions and I am gentle enough to handle him.
  
  
  And I will go back to SimplyShia tomorrow maybe and return the salaam to Ihsan from SA who has a nice and interesting energy about him. Seems to be more religious and traditional than I am. Oh well. I didn't like his name, either - sounds so similar to Imran, doesnt it just? :P )
  
  
  I need to recognise all the good and abundance Allah is sending my way and be grateful.
  
  
  I've NEVER had this amount of male attention in my entire LIFE!!!
  
  
  Not in real life, of course. Internet :P So sad ;)
  
  
  Computer shutting down.
  
  
  Signing off.