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Cry

I've only ever heard the songs that had videos and were played on radio or on TV.

I just heard this one yesterday. And this is possibly why I like Jay Sean. Love the song. So I wasn't completely copping out when I like these artists and their songs. I tap into their soul ~ I mean, we all have the same feelings and urges deep within :)

They are little boys within, who just want to be loved and cherished and treated right.

Sigh.... I'm so sorry, Immy. I truly, truly am. Not that I left  you, not that I unceremoniously dumped you, but for all the nasty and confusing things I said and did. And maybe, just maybe, I made you feel that you weren't good enough for me. I did keep rejecting your gestures of affection and care. Couldn't even let you call me Suki because I felt completely vulnerable, naked and invaded.

I didn't allow myself or know how to receive love (still don't).

And, as for you not being right for me, in spite of my overwhelming feelings for you, it wouldn't be a wrong assessment, would it be?

Dumping me by text, not being empathic enough, not communicating, moving swiftly along to the other girl, then being pulled back to me because I showed you a smidgen of unconditional love, then running off when you realised how deep my feelings were and how deeply you had hurt me: how could it ever have turned out differently?

And me with my own shit (using you as a dumping ground - so, so, sorry... really sorry....). I can't explain it. It felt right at the time. It was all subconscious drives and other people's energies - AND I was channelling your energy in me as well - my mind was invaded - and I allowed it :)

Now I hope I feel the difference that has come over me in the core of my bones.

Nonetheless, no matter how your behaviour made me feel, I really could have taken the high ground. Coulda, shoulda, woulda.... and now, I honour myself and forgive and forget you.

I can't keep going on this merry-go-round - it's futile and makes no sense. You have not been in my life since November. So then - WTF am I doing thinking of you again, when I need to focus on other things?

GAH!

Cancer Moon and Uranus retrograde and self-development and spiritual awakening. C'est tout. May you always find love in your life, and may I be able to stop loving you and fully let you go away from my life ~ sooner rather than later.

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