I always post when I am down and feeling trapped and screeching for release.
Today, I am blogging because I feel good, without knowing why. Nothing outer has changed - yet.
Must be all the inner stuff.
Yesterday's Successes:
* I did my EFT tapping yesterday. For a good 10 minutes. After absolutely months.
* I cooked bhindi/okra.
* I felt like making some more mandalas or taking up painting. Haven't actually done it, but it's the inspiration that turns into reality sooner or later...
* I stopped criticising myself for a little while about the fact that I still love Imran (rather, the idea of him) and still am deluding myself into thinking we'll be together, that the story hasn't quite finished. I keep thinking I'll randomly bump into him on the Tube, or somewhere in Central London.
In spite of the fact that I now am convinced that I'm a nothing in his life now. He never even read all of my emails - a fact confirmed by both Tazeen and Sidra. And this completely bypassed me. I didn't know any of this. I just didn't. And I'm supposed to have "spot-on" intuition. Intuition, my arse...
He hasn't thought of me at all since January. Well, he must have in an abstract manner, if I keep dragging him back, hooking him in with my energy in thoughts and dreams and desires, but apart from that...
Knowing my luck, he's gone through another ten girls and finally found his true "soul mate" and is already engaged. It can happen. Boys will be boys...
I need someone who can handle my need for liberty and freedom. Who won't balk at whatever I decide to think, say or do... He's not that... I confused him too much. And he was too secretive and distant and heartless. That's not good, is it?
And he's still a Khoja at the end of the day. An emotionally repressed Khoja man. Who is destined to work really hard his entire life. And who judged me by the music I listened to. (He found it very "interesting" that I liked Jay Sean and the Backstreet Boys.) And who judged me for fact that I swore sometimes (okay, okay, frequently). And who saw I was so unsure or "indecisive" and chose to think I was playing games with him.
Sigh.
Nonetheless I WISH WE WERE STILL TALKING. THAT WE WERE FRIENDS. I REALLY DO. I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND ANOTHER FRIEND LIKE HIM. OBVIOUSLY. HE'S HIM. INDIVIDUAL. UNIQUE.
SPECIAL.
And I got a forward today which I really wanted to email to him as well...
Sigh.
It is as it is. And it will pass, too.
I'm just too nostalgic for my own good. And he is such a beautiful person. He is... ARGH. Get over it.
He doesn't give a crap, Sukaina. HE DOESN'T. You can't make him, force him or delude yourself into thinking he does... make your life easier and just imagine he's already engaged to be married. He doesn't need much time. It's a month and a bit since the month of Safar ended. Plenty of time for him to get hitched.
He will be, soon enough. His 26th year was his soul mate year (Year 6). Yours is your 27th year. Who knows, maybe he will end up getting with the girl his mum said no to. He was absolutely smitten with her. Two weeks was all it took for him (yes, yes... I release my resentments...tap, tap).
Maybe my distant healing is helping him to stand up for himself, to truly become an individual.
He'll tell his mum: actually, I think she's okay and am going to see if it works out. Or, he just found someone else... Khoja, of course.
Maybe one day he'll even take off that stupid Invader Zim cartoon as his Facebook profile picture and replace it with one of his handsome face (yes, yes... I release the need to obsess over him and Facebook creep his profile... tap, tap).
~~End of my idiotic babbling~~
* I emailed Art Giser all my questions, knowing I'll be okay if he never responds.
* I'm embracing the fact that I'm going to have to be my kooky self in order to succeed. I'm working a lot harder on the self love and self acceptance. It's so challenging, though...
* I am manifesting so many cute kitties when I'm out walking. Not all of them come to me or allow me to touch them or stroke them, but there was this absolutely gorgeous ginger tom and he let me pet him for a good 5 minutes. Sigh... I'll get my own kitty some day. I still miss Tigger, though. I hope he forgives me one day...
* Almost done with the Discover Your Strengths book. Just read and read and read it. Moving onto a book called Soul Power. Loving it already.
I watched a movie that was *my* kind of film: The Edge of Love.
There was once a Welshman and an Irish lass, and an Irishman and a Welsh lass. And they did all sorts of kinky, messed up, bohemian stuff. Ha ha. Have I ever mentioned how much I love Cillian Murphy? His lips will always be the most kissable for me (as far as celebrities go - Imran's were... OH, SHUT UP, SUKAINA!). And Cillian has beefed up a bit since The Wind That Shakes The Barley. Me likey lots *wiggles eyebrows*
But I must not waste today on the Internet as I did yesterday. Eight straight hours. So not good.
Now, I shall leave you with Outlandish's latest song. Takes a little time getting used to. A good morning "kick start" anthem.
Today, I am blogging because I feel good, without knowing why. Nothing outer has changed - yet.
Must be all the inner stuff.
Yesterday's Successes:
* I did my EFT tapping yesterday. For a good 10 minutes. After absolutely months.
* I cooked bhindi/okra.
* I felt like making some more mandalas or taking up painting. Haven't actually done it, but it's the inspiration that turns into reality sooner or later...
* I stopped criticising myself for a little while about the fact that I still love Imran (rather, the idea of him) and still am deluding myself into thinking we'll be together, that the story hasn't quite finished. I keep thinking I'll randomly bump into him on the Tube, or somewhere in Central London.
In spite of the fact that I now am convinced that I'm a nothing in his life now. He never even read all of my emails - a fact confirmed by both Tazeen and Sidra. And this completely bypassed me. I didn't know any of this. I just didn't. And I'm supposed to have "spot-on" intuition. Intuition, my arse...
He hasn't thought of me at all since January. Well, he must have in an abstract manner, if I keep dragging him back, hooking him in with my energy in thoughts and dreams and desires, but apart from that...
Knowing my luck, he's gone through another ten girls and finally found his true "soul mate" and is already engaged. It can happen. Boys will be boys...
I need someone who can handle my need for liberty and freedom. Who won't balk at whatever I decide to think, say or do... He's not that... I confused him too much. And he was too secretive and distant and heartless. That's not good, is it?
And he's still a Khoja at the end of the day. An emotionally repressed Khoja man. Who is destined to work really hard his entire life. And who judged me by the music I listened to. (He found it very "interesting" that I liked Jay Sean and the Backstreet Boys.) And who judged me for fact that I swore sometimes (okay, okay, frequently). And who saw I was so unsure or "indecisive" and chose to think I was playing games with him.
Sigh.
Nonetheless I WISH WE WERE STILL TALKING. THAT WE WERE FRIENDS. I REALLY DO. I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND ANOTHER FRIEND LIKE HIM. OBVIOUSLY. HE'S HIM. INDIVIDUAL. UNIQUE.
SPECIAL.
And I got a forward today which I really wanted to email to him as well...
Sigh.
It is as it is. And it will pass, too.
I'm just too nostalgic for my own good. And he is such a beautiful person. He is... ARGH. Get over it.
He doesn't give a crap, Sukaina. HE DOESN'T. You can't make him, force him or delude yourself into thinking he does... make your life easier and just imagine he's already engaged to be married. He doesn't need much time. It's a month and a bit since the month of Safar ended. Plenty of time for him to get hitched.
He will be, soon enough. His 26th year was his soul mate year (Year 6). Yours is your 27th year. Who knows, maybe he will end up getting with the girl his mum said no to. He was absolutely smitten with her. Two weeks was all it took for him (yes, yes... I release my resentments...tap, tap).
Maybe my distant healing is helping him to stand up for himself, to truly become an individual.
He'll tell his mum: actually, I think she's okay and am going to see if it works out. Or, he just found someone else... Khoja, of course.
Maybe one day he'll even take off that stupid Invader Zim cartoon as his Facebook profile picture and replace it with one of his handsome face (yes, yes... I release the need to obsess over him and Facebook creep his profile... tap, tap).
~~End of my idiotic babbling~~
* I emailed Art Giser all my questions, knowing I'll be okay if he never responds.
* I'm embracing the fact that I'm going to have to be my kooky self in order to succeed. I'm working a lot harder on the self love and self acceptance. It's so challenging, though...
* I am manifesting so many cute kitties when I'm out walking. Not all of them come to me or allow me to touch them or stroke them, but there was this absolutely gorgeous ginger tom and he let me pet him for a good 5 minutes. Sigh... I'll get my own kitty some day. I still miss Tigger, though. I hope he forgives me one day...
* Almost done with the Discover Your Strengths book. Just read and read and read it. Moving onto a book called Soul Power. Loving it already.
I watched a movie that was *my* kind of film: The Edge of Love.
There was once a Welshman and an Irish lass, and an Irishman and a Welsh lass. And they did all sorts of kinky, messed up, bohemian stuff. Ha ha. Have I ever mentioned how much I love Cillian Murphy? His lips will always be the most kissable for me (as far as celebrities go - Imran's were... OH, SHUT UP, SUKAINA!). And Cillian has beefed up a bit since The Wind That Shakes The Barley. Me likey lots *wiggles eyebrows*
But I must not waste today on the Internet as I did yesterday. Eight straight hours. So not good.
Now, I shall leave you with Outlandish's latest song. Takes a little time getting used to. A good morning "kick start" anthem.
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