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Back In Time (Keane)

I'm looking at the email I sent during the first meltdown I had during the September full moon. This was the day after Stanmore Careers Day and the "Her acrid remarks make her many enemies" FB status update. I wrote it in Rickmansworth, before I went to Pinner. He did call me at 12:30-ish (idiot, 1:30 kaha thha!)

I cannot believe I wrote this to him. I was really off my rocker or extremely gutsy in claiming my Power. Not sure which it is now. Who the hell was that chica?! lol

Sun, 19 September, 2010 8:01:45

Thank you :)


Respecting a Woman:

The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.), addressing the Muslims on the occasion of the Farewell Pilgrimage, warned them against the values which he feared would be neglected after him, and referred to woman as one of the important issues about whom he said:

"Observe your duty to Allah in respect to the women, and treat them well."[33].

http://home.swipnet.se/islam/books/hijab/08.htm


Dear Imran,

Salaam alalikum. Thank you for your text. :)It has explained your FB status....but, it still doesn't explain why you've been avoiding (is it really avoiding?) me.

I thought you usually replied when you could to emails and texts from me, but this needs an explanation because I am very confused as to why you haven't. It was only after I left that voicemail message, that you decided some answer was needed. This is why I thought the FB status was with reference to me.

If it's work/family that's keeping you occupied and busy and stressed (I can see how the current work situation must be stressful), wouldn't it have been better to text/email me "Sorry, I am going to have to get back to you soon, I'm busy and sick and stressed"?

I'll be honest: I'm distressed and a little p'd off and I would like to ask you to phone me today so we can air this out. And I mean it.

I am a human being, this is a relationship (friendship/whatever), you keep feeding me lines about how you like me and want to meet me and how you like me for who I am.

I then finally get up the courage to take a chance, leave all my fears about life and finding happiness and I now want to talk to you AND meet up with you and - I get blank static.

And then you ask me why I get aggressive and defensive. And then I wonder why I am not even more so. I feel safe with you. But you randomly do or not dowhatever it is you're doing.

I am quite sure this is not the first relationship you've had with a female, but this is my first and it's turning out to be quite unneccessarily melodramatic. I don't like melodrama. I don't. I'm looking for a person who will respect the need to communicate, no matter what. How will I know what is going on otherwise?

I could play exactly the same game with you, and not reply and not text you. And make you "whimper". But, I am not like that. There's no point. No matter how shitty I feel and how I would like you to be more honest and respectful about me, I am just trying to accept that you are doing this for a very valid reason. And I am willing to listen to you to find out what it is.

And once you call me this afternoon at 1:30pm inshaAllah (it can be later, but I might be on the tube then) - perhaps we can sort this out, and resume the sincere, kind, respectful, honest and what I thought was inspired by the lives of the Prophet and his Ahlul Bayt type of getting to know you and seeing if we're compatible as life partners.

You are a lovely person, but I don't think this non-communicative behaviour is going to help me understand you, and what's going on and whether you're as mature and self-aware as I thought you were.

So, please, help me help you to help me understand.

This is my life. I don't know how many lives God has promised you on this Earth, but I've only got the one. I've only got one heart and one life and I don't want to f**k it up after yet another clueless male. This is for the both of us. Always, I put your contentment and peace and happiness to be parallel to mine. Along with everyone else's. We are all God's creatures. Equal in His eyes.

On a lighter note...well, actually, there isn't. I really am quite hurt at this passive aggressive type of behaviour. I did not sign up for this. I've had too many non-communicative men and women in my life. I get to choose who I spend time with, who I invest my love, sweat and tears in: and they will be upfront and honest and full of self-compassion, compassion for others, generosity of character, forbearing and understanding.

They will not treat me like I am worthless, undeserving of respect: not for my own credit, but for the fact that I am a creature of God and there are certain rights incumbent upon me, as is clearly indicated in the Treatise of Rights of Imam Zainul Abedeen AS.

If you can't honour this basic standard of God-consciousness, what the hell are we doing here?

Nonetheless, the feeling will pass soon enough....I know you are a good person..... so perhaps you'll honour my request and call me.

Well, I just remembered the lighter note: the Careers thingy at the mosque yesterday was unbelievably helpful. And I met Gulamabbas Lakha 2 and told him about "Sukaina's mad system" of organising all the Lakhas and Jumas and the rest of the Khojas and he laughed

Me is funny.

With compassionate understanding (I hope I can be big enough of a person to follow through with this - *starts the deep breathing and the chanting of OHMmmm*),

Suki
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