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Sarah never called any of her guys!

She told me yesterday, after I bored her for an hour with my sob story: she never had to call any of the guys she was looking to get married to. They always called her. She only rang one of them once!

So, I wasn't really expecting too much, was I?

So, guess what I've finally done?

I deleted all of his email addresses from my address book. Should have done that before I sent him that email about my mother's operation. But I know he will pray for her, even if it's for a split second. Mo'min hai, dua toh kaam aayega...

Sigh... I'd already deleted his phone number from my phone last Sunday after he dumped me.

I can feel his disgust and hatred for me... or rather it's my own, but I'm projecting it again so I can survive today and my class work and doctor's appointment at 4pm.

I knew he was wrong for me; and consequently, I was wrong for him. Always wanting to change everything about him... and just jumping in. But I was saying Yes to the Universe. And the Universe...

God, I hope I don't burst into tears in the GPs office - argh.

Affirmation time:

There is no blame.

I release the need to blame anyone, including myself.

We are all doing the best we can with the understanding, knowledge, and awareness we have.

Boy, my heart is ACHING again. A wave of regret. Regret. Shame. My brain is tingling, waves of shame going around and around and around.... what the hell have I done? The bad karma will bite me in the arse, unless.... he actually forgives me. Which, I haven't a clue whether he will.

*sobs silently inside her heart*

Breathing becomes difficult once again...
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