"Now for the serious part. Suki, you're very hurt inside and somehow you feel rationalizing it by your logic is going to heal it. What i mean to say is, somewhere (not just about Imran) you know you're hurting but thats on a superficial level. You don't go in to explore where your pain is because you're scared to see it. You're wounded and you look at your wound but you don't know how deep it is that's why you don't know how to help it heal. You relate your entire life to people, like you're hurt or depressed but somehow I feel you're actually disconnected with it and that's on a logical level. You're identifying too much with your story rather than the feelings involved. Why i told you in one of the emails to write yourself as a character was that you may see it as a 3rd person. Drop the story Suki, explore your feelings. Don't say what depression is like. Feel it inside your body what it feels like. You'll feel the raw sensations of it and keep trying to focus and it usually does go away.Then just label it in one word, not a story.
"Thinking that somehow my destiny to be alone would be changed into a loving, understanding, reciprocal partnership" that is your fear Sukaina. That is your belief, which is why you end up manifesting it in your life.
What i meant by where the pain is in my body was not as you mentioned. I meant when you think about Imran where the pain is. And further what the pain feels like. Like when my chest hurts as i mentioned its like a stone, stuck, heavy. And ask yourself what can you do to make it better for yourself."
Skye was thinking about how she's messed up... whatever the hell it was she messed up because of fear. And her left upper arm starts tingling again. Her head feels like the thoughts are constantly batting against the forehead. Pick, pick, pick. The thoughts do not stop. Ever. And she still can't identify or feel the feelings. She can't. The mind stops her.
It's too scary. All she's done for the past three years is feel this empty, this rage, this... whatever it was. The departure of her mind, of any sanity she pretended she had. She slowly regains a little of the illusion that allows one to "function" in this practical world. She's slowly "alive" or making a good pretence of it.
But, she's really tired now.
Her father hates her, literally and wants to kick her out. She fucked up with the so-called relationship and is so ambivalent. Aren't you supposed to be sure? Either you know it's what you want or need. Or you know that you don't want or need it.
I don't want to be alone. No one really does. We pretend we do. Because it's so much less fuss and drama. Travis said the same, quoting someone from the Big Bang Theory: I prefer the company of myself. Skye assumed he said it to protect his own childhood hurts, and the risk of being rejected by Skye (as if!), and aslo to push her as far away as he could - but how the fuck would Skye know? She doesn't know the person at all.
Skye just doesn't feel. The depression (YES, Tarzan) and the SAD make her incapable of being connected. Or the stress. It was going okay, Skye was taking baby steps and then this all falls into her lap and people assume that just because she smiles more than she cries, or has discovered the lost lilt in her voice or is volunteering at Oxfam and going out to Mind Body Spirit fairs and making jokes, that she's unbroken, somehow.
She's NOT.
She's gasping for breath. She's repeating the same cycles, hearing the same criticisms, asking the same people to tell her what to do and has lost the ability (if she ever had it) to trust in herself and listen to what the Universe is saying.
And, right now, it's just easier to find a way to die. Because she can't keep feeling like this. Where the fuck is the stability? Why is it always extremes: too much or nothing at all?
"Thinking that somehow my destiny to be alone would be changed into a loving, understanding, reciprocal partnership" that is your fear Sukaina. That is your belief, which is why you end up manifesting it in your life.
What i meant by where the pain is in my body was not as you mentioned. I meant when you think about Imran where the pain is. And further what the pain feels like. Like when my chest hurts as i mentioned its like a stone, stuck, heavy. And ask yourself what can you do to make it better for yourself."
Skye was thinking about how she's messed up... whatever the hell it was she messed up because of fear. And her left upper arm starts tingling again. Her head feels like the thoughts are constantly batting against the forehead. Pick, pick, pick. The thoughts do not stop. Ever. And she still can't identify or feel the feelings. She can't. The mind stops her.
It's too scary. All she's done for the past three years is feel this empty, this rage, this... whatever it was. The departure of her mind, of any sanity she pretended she had. She slowly regains a little of the illusion that allows one to "function" in this practical world. She's slowly "alive" or making a good pretence of it.
But, she's really tired now.
Her father hates her, literally and wants to kick her out. She fucked up with the so-called relationship and is so ambivalent. Aren't you supposed to be sure? Either you know it's what you want or need. Or you know that you don't want or need it.
I don't want to be alone. No one really does. We pretend we do. Because it's so much less fuss and drama. Travis said the same, quoting someone from the Big Bang Theory: I prefer the company of myself. Skye assumed he said it to protect his own childhood hurts, and the risk of being rejected by Skye (as if!), and aslo to push her as far away as he could - but how the fuck would Skye know? She doesn't know the person at all.
Skye just doesn't feel. The depression (YES, Tarzan) and the SAD make her incapable of being connected. Or the stress. It was going okay, Skye was taking baby steps and then this all falls into her lap and people assume that just because she smiles more than she cries, or has discovered the lost lilt in her voice or is volunteering at Oxfam and going out to Mind Body Spirit fairs and making jokes, that she's unbroken, somehow.
She's NOT.
She's gasping for breath. She's repeating the same cycles, hearing the same criticisms, asking the same people to tell her what to do and has lost the ability (if she ever had it) to trust in herself and listen to what the Universe is saying.
And, right now, it's just easier to find a way to die. Because she can't keep feeling like this. Where the fuck is the stability? Why is it always extremes: too much or nothing at all?
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