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dimanche, 5e septembre 2010

I've lost connection with myself. It really feels unhealthy. It is. I guess I shall be patient until I regain the connection.

I feel like crying, but I shall blame it on the clouds and on my tiredness.

Once again, my insecurities are painting up an image of who I should be, of who I want to aspire to be, but am not because I am who I am. And I keep making all these errors of grammar, spelling and basic day-to-day communication, it's really getting to me.

Having to put yourself out there but be guarded at the same time so that you're not too hurt is painful. It's a pain.

It's real life. I hate it. I want my books and films back.

I keep acting like someone I'm not.
But I am that person. I act like... I don't know... but now I'm low and now I have to be kind to myself.

I can't think thanks to the clouds and my own naivété.

Stop blaming yourself, Sukaina. You are who you are. As you've said, you are all you have to offer.

It really hurts, though. Dammit.

Touch your dreams and let them go.
Touch your dreams and let them go.

Mon Dieu, merci pour le bonheur et le cadeau. 
Je suis sincère dans mes prières pour le mieux pour tout. 
Embrace-moi quand je tombe.


His Supplication in Asking for the Best
(Supplication - 33)




O God,
I ask from Thee the best in Thy knowledge,
so bless Muhammad and his Household
and decree for me the best!

Inspire us with knowledge to chose the best
and make that a means to
being pleased with what Thou hast decreed for us
and submitting to what Thou hast decided!
Banish from us the doubt of misgiving
and confirm us with the certainty of the sincere!

Visit us not with incapacity
to know what Thou hast chosen, lest we
despise Thy measuring out,
dislike the place of Thy good pleasure,
and incline toward that which is
further from good outcome
and nearer to the opposite of well-being!

Make us love what we dislike
in Thy decree
and make easy for us what we find difficult
in Thy decision!

Inspire us to yield
to that which Thou bringest upon us by Thy will,
lest we
love the delay of what Thou hast hastened
and the hastening of what Thou hast delayed,
dislike what Thou lovest,
and choose what Thou dislikest!

Seal us with that which is most praised in outcome
and most generous in issue!
Surely Thou givest generous gain,
bestowest the immense,
dost what Thou wilt,
and Thou art powerful over everything.

OK, I'm definitely crying now.
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