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Stuck

It just seems I’m stuck. Wherever I am, I am stuck. 

Why am I attracting this lack of love? 

Alhamdulillah, my mental health is a bit better today, but then the switching takes place. 

And I obsess over dirt and najasat and nobody can tell me what’s wrong or how to get out of it. 

Or that everyone is so inherently evil that no matter how much we try we’re never getting close to Allah. 

Or I binge eat. 

Or I just close my eyes to reality. 

And people are now condemning me for taking an arts degree because it doesn’t make me skilled for any work whatsoever. 

You haven’t travelled my life journey so you can’t know that the confidence I have now I should have had when I was 19. You probably had it at 19. I didn’t. I wasn’t good at accounting. So I couldn’t go into business. And my values are different now. 

But I still need to marry and I still need to work. And I constantly want to go back to London but the reality is that I can’t because of my dad. And I’d miss my mum and cry all the time as I did. But I can’t get a job here because of aforementioned fear. 

This stuff will self perpetuate. 

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